A New York Girl in Utah

2009-10-25T15:33:00.000-06:00

A New York Girl Leaves Utah

I know I should have written this post a long time ago…but this is honestly the first chance I have had to catch my breath since July 8, 2009.

July 9: Last day at my old job. I cannot even begin to describe how hard that last week of work was. It wasn’t that I had a lot to do…just wrap up stuff and exit checklists…but knowing that is was going to be my last latte in the office, my last trip to Jamba Juice with my Utah dad, my last breakfast at Sill’s with the guys…it was very emotional. To make matters worse I was in the middle of buying a new car. I haven’t really blogged about this, but buying a car in Utah as a single woman is an interesting experience. The whole time the salesman thinks he is, at some point going to be speaking to your husband, you know the one that makes the decisions…and then after speaking for several minutes on the phone you have to inform him…nope it’s just me and it’s my salary that is going to be paying your salary and if you don’t like that, I will just buy my car elsewhere…thankyouverymuch. I remember spending an entire Friday on the phone calling every dealer in Utah trying to get the best price for what I wanted to buy and explaining to the salesman, that yes…it was just me and no they were not going to be speaking to my husband and oh yeah, I’m not the kind of girl that buys a car for the cupholders…I know exactly what I am looking for and if you can’t help me find it. I will go somewhere else.

I ended up buying a Red 09 CRV-EXL which I completely love and have every intention of driving until the thing rusts out from underneath itself. But that particular day Ken Garff Ogden (where I bought the car) decided it was going to be difficult. I had talked with the representative from the dealership on several occasions, confirming that they had what I wanted at the price I wanted it for and that I would be able to just go in and sign the papers, bring my own financing and walk out the door. That sort of happened. I went in and test drove my new car…because while I had test drove similar models they wanted me to drive the one that I would actually purchase. I wholeheartedly agreed because the last thing I wanted to do was buy a new car that was defective. However, after the test drive they made me go sit in a room while they got the paperwork ready. I was more than a little miffed because a. the paperwork was supposed to be ready b. I had to pick up my parents from the airport in an hour. True to my nature I informed them that they had a half an hour to close the deal or I was walking because I had better places to be. Wouldn’t you know, as soon as I said that, I was brought into the room and told where to sign. Then they took my car into the shop to take off the chrome wheels (because how many times do I have to tell you I’m not paying $1200 for chrome wheels?) and I went to the airport.

It was at this point that my Honda Civic, that I needed to relinquish to the lease company became a magnet for all the debris on I-15. I almost got hit by a piece of a tire, a large rock and a piece of large metal just on the 20 mile drive to the airport. I had been driving that car for 3 years and the only thing I had ever been hit by was several small rocks (oh yeah and the time that jackass decided to key it), but here I was on a collision course to disaster and I only needed to drive that car for 2 more hours.

I picked up my parents with little fuss and we set off for my apartment.

Then my dad and I set off to pick up the new car. I have little patience as anyone who knows me can attest to, but I really have no patience with car dealerships. I just wanted to walk in, get my keys and get the hell out…but the dealer wanted to take pictures and congratulate me on the fact that I now owe my financing company my first born. So there I was stuck taking pictures, by myself in front of my new car. Whoo…go me…what a grown up purchase!

That evening my real parents and I went to dinner with my Utah parents. I couldn’t have asked for it to go better if I tried. Other than my dad almost falling asleep after dinner (see I told you that flying from Syracuse to Utah is tiring!!) they all got along so well. It made me even sadder that I was going to have to be saying good bye to them in the next week.

The next week was pretty much a blur of driving, packing and showing my parents around Utah. We did all the typical touristy things...Olympic Park, Park City, Antelope Island, and even some things I hadn’t done before like Bingham Canyon Mine (apparently the largest man made excavation, suck on that Brazil!). I think my parents had a good time, I know I definitely did because I finally got to show them what I had spent 3 years doing.

Then it was time for my dad to leave and my mom and I to face the daunting task of moving me out of Utah. But not before we returned my 2006 Honda Civic to my leasing company. I almost cried. That car was my first step towards being an adult and I was trading it in for a better model (or one that wasn’t overly priced). I went in, gave the guy my keys and waited while they performed their last inspection. They asked me why the hood paint looked different (oops! Definitely a rock chip I got fixed at the same time I got the keyed marks out...told them about the rock chip…definitely didn’t tell them I had been keyed, not that it mattered). Then I made sure I had my old plates (for nostalgia) and I hugged and kissed my car one last time (I’m totally kidding, I wasn’t that attached to a stupid car but I did almost need to borrow my dad’s hankie…I mean come on, that car represented my time in Utah and I remember signing my life away the day I got that car and then eating at Pizza Hut!) In all seriousness if anyone is thinking about getting a Honda Civic I would totally recommend it…that car got me through the worst blizzard of my life because I was the dumbass who decided it might be a good idea to go snowboarding when it might possibly even think of snowing. And as I’m snowboarding I’m thinking that I should board along the snow making machine lineup, because if I fall and die because I can’t see at least they can say they found my body by snow machine 4327 (side note: best powder I have ever boarded on in my life). And it took me 20 minutes to get to the mountain and 2 hours to get home…yeah that Civic got me through that. And now it wasn’t mine anymore…

We put my dad on the plane Wednesday morning and spent the rest of the day getting the apartment ready for the movers to come on Thursday. I had a going away lunch Wednesday afternoon and all my coworkers came out to say goodbye. I did my best not to cry and I think I did a really good job. But it was so hard to look around at all those faces that supported me through so much and not want to cry. I have been very grateful and very blessed to work with such a wonderful group of people.

Thursday morning started bright and early when the movers showed up 15 minutes early. Then for most of the day I sat on my porch balcony and sipped wine…because quite honestly I think it was more stressful this time to move than it was last time. I remember when I left New York and I saw them put my saddle and my French horn on the truck, I couldn’t believe what I was doing. Now I saw them pack that same saddle and French horn again, but now that saddle had climbed a mountain and that French horn had played Carnegie Hall…it was all very surreal and I hoped I was doing the right thing.

This realization got me thinking about the choices that we make in life. If I had never moved to Utah, I could be married by now to a man that would have made me content, but wouldn’t have been right for my life. I would never have learned to snowboard, never played Carnegie Hall, never met my “Utah dad”, “Pam I am”, Rebecca and all my military boys, never traveled the country and saw places like El Paso, Tx (which I could have lived without) or drank beer on the beach in Florida (which I thoroughly enjoyed). I would never have gotten elite travel status on Delta or tasted wine in New Mexico. It was the most trying 3 years of my life…I lost 2 grandparents and a horse. My mom had open heart surgery. I dislocated an elbow. But I have experiences that most people that grew up on the east coast don’t. I know what it’s like to be scared out of my mind by 3 rattlesnakes in an hour and a half. I know what it feels like to be a minority, to be excluded because of who you are and what you believe. I have been on 186 airplanes in 3 years. I know the adrenaline rush that comes along with skeletoning down an Olympic track. What it feels like to board the best, freshest powder in the world (even if I almost died in the blizzard). I know what it feels like to get a standing ovation at Carnegie Hall. I know what it’s like to feel so alone in the world that all you want to do is drive home, but you know if you tried to do that, it would take at least 3 days and I know the feeling of emptiness that comes with that knowledge. But despite all of that, looking back on the choice I made to move to Utah, I don’t regret any of it. It made me a much more independent stronger person (like I really needed any help...I know) and for that I am so grateful that I got the opportunity to experience the mountain west!

I was in tears by the time the movers loaded up the last of my stuff. I couldn’t believe my time in Utah was over. The next few days my mom and I spent a lot of time doing “lasts”. My last trip to Park City, my last trip to Bear Lake, the last time I will walk on my running trail on base. I know it seems stupid (and I know I tried for 3 years to get out of that state as quickly as possible) but I was genuinely upset.

Monday morning we packed up the last of the stuff in the car and had my apartment final walkthrough. As one last little farewell my apartment complexes vacuum cleaner had totally crapped out and of course I needed to use it since the movers took mine. They told me that I could either get one or I could get charged a huge amount per room for cleaning. So I had to go on craigslist and pick one up. Well since I had no room in my car for one more thing, I gave the vacuum cleaner to my Utah dad. I guess he has a “man cave” that needs vacuuming. He came over and picked it up and when he left I was sobbing. I was lucky to be able to work with him and learn from him and I know that I won’t ever work with anyone quite like him again.

I managed to stop crying long enough to pack my cats in the car and get on the road. My mom suggested we let them wander around the car and find their own place to sleep (preferably on the blanket that we had laid out). This seemed like a good idea at the time, but was actually horrible. As soon as we pulled out of the parking lot my one cat had made a beeline for the back of the car to try to find a hole to crawl into. That’s not so much of a problem, but if the load shifts…you have no more cat. Meanwhile, I’m stopped at a stoplight and I hear the window down…wondering where that’s coming from I look in the backseat and my other cat has put the window down herself and is sticking her head outside like a dog. So needless to say, the cats weren’t outside their carriers very long.

That first day we went from Layton, Utah to Casper, Wyoming and I was so exhausted when we got there. It had been a very emotionally draining day and a whole lot of driving through nothing. I mean there are parts of Wyoming that I find really beautiful…and the fact that I can do 90 on a road is even more beautiful…but it doesn’t mean it’s any less draining.

The next day we went from Casper, Wyoming to Oacoma, South Dakota. (Side note: there is a sign on the Mass Pike somewhere around the Berkshires that tells you that the next highest point on I-90 is in Oacoma, SD…I’ve been there!!) The fact that it is the next highest point on I-90 is it’s only redeeming quality. There is nothing in Oacoma…much like there is nothing really in South Dakota, outside of the Black Hills area of course. So along the way we stopped and saw Devil’s Tower, Crazy Horse and Mount Rushmore. All of this sightseeing meant that we were on the road for a good long period of time…like 15 hours or so. It was totally worth it, but driving from Rapid City to Oacoma in the pitch black (no kidding…there are no towns, no streetlights, nothing but stars) was probably the longest drive of my life. I think we got in around 3am or something ridiculous like that.

The next day it was Oacoma, SD to Waterloo, IA. South Dakota was starting to get really long and there was nothing but miles and miles of farm land, when I saw a sign for the world’s only corn palace. And who doesn’t want to go to a corn palace?? So my mom and I decided it was time for a stretch and to see the corn palace. Only in Mitchell, SD. If you ever find yourself there a. I’m sorry b. go to the corn palace. The outside of this building was decorated entirely with corn cobs and various grains. It really was something to see. Then it was back in the car where we saw more fields of nothing. Waterloo, IA has probably the most ghetto hotel I have ever seen in my life. I didn’t know Waterloo had a ghetto, but we were in it. Complete with the red light district next door (note to self: just because it looks nice on the internet, does not in fact mean it’s respectable.)

After we survived our night in the ghetto it was on to Shipshewana, IN where we met up with my Aunt Karen, Uncle Dick and cousin Amy. It was nice to get to see them and it was a complete 180 from where we had stayed the night before. This time we stayed in an Amish motel run by Indians (country India). It was a very cute place and for dinner we had some good Amish cooking.

The last day was a push from Indiana to Syracuse. By this point the drive was getting very long and it was the one time where we missed an exit (near Cleveland the 90/80 split) luckily I noticed in time to get us back on track without going out of the way.

I spent a day in Syracuse and then the last 5 hours I did myself with 2 very angry cats. That was definitely not the highlight of the trip…but they made it and so did I.

Overall the drive was fantastic we saw literally a few drops of rain near Chicago and another few drops near Buffalo. Other than that it was completely sunny the entire drive. Also, it was sunny the first few weeks I was in Massachusetts (after they had had a summer of almost entirely rain), so I’m pretty much convinced that I bring the sunshine. (My point was further proven this past weekend when it was sunny and warm in Syracuse where I was for a wedding and snowing and miserable in Massachusetts). So if you want it to be sunny…invite me.

So that’s it…the New York Girl is no longer in Utah. I do miss the mountains on a daily basis. I think the Midwest needs to not exist. If I could have the western border of New York and the eastern border of Utah somehow match up…I think I’d be happy. It is comforting to know that I now have family in Utah (as is evidenced by the care packages I get…thanks Sam, Cathy and Pam!) but it’s not the same. I saw a commercial the other day for Utah sports (hiking, biking, Olympics, skiing etc) and I could name every single location that they were showing (Salt Lake, Moab, Park City etc) and it made me miss the great expanse out there. I think I’m going to head out in January for some real snowboarding…

Thanks to everyone who read about my adventures for 3 years. I hope it was as entertaining for you to read as it was therapeutic for me to write. I have started a new blog: www.anewyorkgirlwasinutahnowinboston.blogspot.com, but I don’t know how often I’ll write. I guess that will depend on how many bad first dates I go on.

Another chapter in my life closed, another one beginning.

That is all.

2009-05-08T23:00:00.002-06:00

I think one of the coolest experiences of my life is getting a standing ovation at Carnegie Hall.

That pretty much sums it up.

A month ago today I got that standing ovation.

It all started back in August when my band director for the Ogden City Concert Band asked me if I would like to audition for the Weber State Wind Ensemble and that they were going to Carnegie Hall. I definitely wanted to play Carnegie Hall (I mean come on it's the premiere place to play!), but I hadn't auditioned for anything since my junior year of high school! Not to mention I had a couple of TDYs coming up, so I only had 3 days to practice before I actually had to audition. I must have done alright in the audition because I made the ensemble and then spent the next 7.5 months preparing for this concert.

My parents and 4 of their friends were in New York City for the concert and it was so cool to have my own box seat of people cheering for me. (Yeah, they had box seats...that's how they roll.)

Before the concert our director informed us that there were going to be some pretty important people in the audience including the principle trombonist of the NY Philharmonic and Johann DeMai, who wrote the Lord of the Rings symphony. So yeah, we were all nervous.

That nervousness only lasted about 5 seconds once we got on stage and we played an amazing concert! I think this is definitely one of the best ensembles I have ever played with, and to think it was just a bunch of kids from Utah!

Carnegie Hall was slightly smaller than I thought it would be. But it is every bit as majestic and the sound just echos forever!

Upon arriving in Utah I had the next day off, and I woke up in the morning and I felt empty. I didn't have to rush to rehearsal, I didn't even have to practice...it just felt weird.

Now that I am going to rehearsals for the Ogden Concert Band, it's just not the same. The music is so much easier and how do you top Carnegie Hall? The good news is that I will be moving to the Boston area and there is a symphony orchestra that I may try to audition for. Of course I hate auditioning, but I played Carnegie...so they should take me!

When I graduated from college I wasn't sure if I would ever touch my horn again. I always hoped that I might find an outlet for it, but I never expected it to lead me to Carnegie Hall. Even now I have to look at the pictures to make sure it actually happened!

Now some stories from the trip. So we were in New York for a few days. Since I didn't really know that many of the band members and I'm out of college, I spent most of my time on my own. However, one day for lunch I went to Rupert Jee's deli with my roommates and Rupert Jee took our order (You know the deli guy from the Letterman show) and it was a good ol fashioned New York deli sandwich, which I have missed so much!

One of the nights we went and saw a musical. I was signed up for The Lion King (yes I saw it again) and it was still awesome! As I'm walking through Times Square heading for the hotel I run into some band kids who were staring wide eyed at the whole scene. I stop to chat and find out they are on the hunt for dessert, as am I, so we all set off to find dessert. As we are walking down the street some random hip hop musician stops us and wants to know if we want to listen to his music. I've been to NY a few times so I just push past him and keep walking. The Utah kids however, stop and listen to the music. I roll my eyes and went back to pick them up. Well come to find out this guy was selling CDs for $10. These kids are not stupid and they realize that they should not shell out $10 for what could be a blank CD...however, one of the students (return missionary) sees the opportunity to tell this guy how he can support his family. That's right, through the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. So he pulls out his little pass-along card and starts trying to convert this guy right in Times Square. I was mortified thinking we were going to get shot or shunned! But also I was slightly intrigued because I was wondering what was more annoying...a missionary or some hip hop hustler. Well the missionary won. As soon as he went into his little spiel the hustler tried to find any excuse he could to get away from this kid as soon as possible. As we were walking away the missionary kid said, "wow I can feel the energy! This place needs saving!" I then informed him that no, NY does not need saving and I personally want to survive the evening, so how about we quell this talk.

It was very interesting traveling with the group I did. Most of them are LDS and extremely naive and sheltered. I think many of them got a good dose of reality and some even want to live in NY. Of course being in Manhattan for 4 days is nothing like living in the Bronx.

Overall though it was an extremely awesome trip!

That is all!

2009-04-10T20:16:00.000-06:00

A Blog Update I Never Wanted to Write

I haven’t updated my blog in quite awhile for those of you keeping track and other than the business that is my life, I don’t really have a good reason for not updating. I just knew that in order to update my blog I would have to write this particular update and if I avoided writing it, it seemed less real.

On March 1^st I was a ball of stress trying to figure out how I was going to get to Montgomery, AL since both Delta and the weather seemed to be against me. I had to take a 2 week class there and I already had several flights get cancelled on me. I was trying to find another option for travel when my cousin Jayme sent me an IM asking if I was ok. I was wondering why I shouldn’t be ok and called her. She then told me that Grandpa had died. I assumed she meant my Grandpa House who has been in less than stellar health for awhile now, but she informed me that it was Grandpa Taisey. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t even cry…I was just in shock. Grandpa Taisey was in good health, he was supposed to have knee surgery in a few weeks and had passed all his pre-operation tests. He was going to get back out and golf this year, he was going to travel.

For those of you that follow the blog he was married to my grandmother that passed away in October 2007. Those two had a love that everyone else in the world should want to have. They were married when I was one (my biological grandfather has passed away some years earlier) and they were inseparable. He was my grandma’s hero and she was his angel. When she died I have never seen someone so sad or lonely. Even months later when I was home for some reason or another and he stopped by to see me, he told me how much he missed her and how lonely he was. When Jayme called me that day she told me it appeared he had died sleeping in his arm chair, probably of a broken heart.

I was set to go to Montgomery the next day and I could barely keep it together long enough to travel. I had already missed the first day of class due to weather and I knew that if the funeral was during the week, I wouldn’t be able to go and still graduate from this class. I had no idea what the Air Force’s repercussions would be on paying back a trip that I didn’t successfully complete the mission for and I figured this didn’t qualify for family leave because it wasn’t an immediate family member that had died. So off to Montgomery I went. I was delayed in Atlanta for about 5 hours and when I finally reached Montgomery I remembered why I dislike the south. Everything moves at the speed of paint drying. I finally got a rental car and went to retrieve my bags, but one was missing. Apparently there were 2 flights that landed at the same time but not enough baggage help to unload them both. Well myself and a few others had to go back to the Delta check-in counter to report our missing bags, because Montgomery is too small to have a baggage office. As I’m standing in line I’m thinking in my head that I should be on my way to Syracuse and it’s ridiculous that I’m standing in Montgomery where I know no one and have no one to even give me a hug. That’s when the tears started…and when they start they don’t stop. So here I am 25 years old standing in the Delta line crying. This woman behind me said, “Aww sweetheart, it’s just luggage.” I then explained my situation and she gave me a big hug and said, “I’m a preacher and I know nothing I can say right now is going to make you feel any better, but if you want to talk…I’m here.” Then she gave me another hug. It wasn’t like being home, but it was what I needed at that moment. I finally got my luggage and checked in at Maxwell.

The next couple of days were a blur. I was trying to figure out how I could get home, if it was economically feasible and if my class would let me. Since the funeral was on Thursday I would miss too much of the class for the professors to ignore, so I wasn’t able to go home for the funeral. There is nothing lonelier than knowing that your whole family is there with each other while you sit in a stupid dorm room in Alabama crying alone.

I heard the memorial service went well. I still don’t feel like I have closure. It probably won’t hit me until I actually go home and realize that I can’t go to 30 Daniel Drive. I wanted to get up and tell some Grandpa stories at the funeral and since I couldn’t do that, this forum will have to do.

Grandpa Taisey wasn’t our biological grandfather but since our biological one died before any of us grandkids were born, he was the only grandfather we knew and he always treated us like we were his real grandkids. Which meant that we were spoiled, a lot.

When you were sick you always wanted to go to Grandpa Taisey’s because he would let you watch the Price is Right and then take you to McDonald’s for Happy Meals. He even let my sister go fishing when she was sick.

The Lorton Lake camp was fun for both my grandparents. I remember going up there and my grandfather saying that there was a sign that said “No Grandchildren Allowed!” When really it said something about loving grandchildren. He just had to pick on us. When we went out on the pond in the paddle boat it was always a race to see if we could get away from the fountain in the middle before Grandpa turned on the fountain. And no weekend at camp was complete until Grandpa made pancakes on his outdoor griddle.

I remember my grandma telling me that Grandpa was very upset the day he saw me walking at the county fair holding hands with my high school boyfriend. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the guy, he just didn’t want me to be growing up. Recently he decided that I was going to marry a military guy (Grandpa was in the Navy), and every time I went on a date with one, he would call or send a card telling me that you can’t beat a good serviceman.

Grandpa is probably best going to be remembered for his sense of humor. He was always playing practical jokes on people. One of the jokes he used to tell us as kids was, “Adam and Eve and Pinch Me Tight went down to the river to see a fight…Adam and Eve fell in who was left?” Of course the answer was Pinch Me Tight…which then would get you a pinch.

Then of course there was the Papa Red snowmobile and the circus tent bathing suit that he insisted on wearing. All the grandkids would fight over who got to ride with Grandpa on his snowmobile. And that bathing suit was just loud!

Wednesday night I played a concert at Carnegie Hall (more on that in a coming entry). On a necklace I had my grandmother’s engagement ring. My grandfather had given it to me last April when my mom had surgery along with a very touching note that I still have. It might seem silly, but I’d like to think that if there is something beyond this life, then my grandparents were there watching that concert. All night long my fellow band members were asking about the ring and I was so proud to tell them about it. I only almost started crying once but I managed to keep it together. To me that ring is a tangible symbol of their devotion to each other and a reminder of what I want to find in my own life.

That is all.

2009-01-25T17:40:00.002-07:00

I've been thinking about updating this blog for almost a week now, and I'm just getting around to it now.

The past month seems to have been pretty busy even though I have not traveled since the 2nd. My trip back to Utah was pretty uneventful. We took off an hour or so late and then I waited at baggage claim for almost 2 hours while they got the bags unloaded. These are the things that happen when Salt Lake has a blizzard, which is probably why I refuse to travel in the winter.

I went boarding at Sundance. I expected it to be all posh and celebrity-ish. It totally wasn't. The ski resort part is really small and the snow kinda sucked. After the 4th time I fell and almost broke a body part on the crappy snow, I decided to call it a day. Now I only have 6 more resorts to hit before I have boarded every resort in Utah that will let me board. (Yes, there are 2 resorts here that are too snobby to allow snowboarders.)

Then the state of Utah went through a two week snow draught. This was good and bad. The good part was that Luke was able to come visit without any delays! (That part was crucial because there was no time in his schedule for delays.) The bad part was that there has been no good snow to go boarding on, which is what I fully intended to do on my federal holiday...but didn't.

The inauguration. I must admit, I'm a horrible poli sci major...I didn't watch it live. I saw most of it later (at least the important parts) in various forms. I was at work during the inauguration and we were allowed to watch it through some military streaming program, but let's face it...I was busy. Yes, I was actually busy at work. It seems to be happening more and more frequently lately.

Sundance Film Festival! Luke came into town and we headed up to Park City to see the Sundance Film Festival (and to get out of the inversion). While we didn't get into any movies we did get to see Pierce Brosnan, 2 moose near Olympic Park and some skeletoners and bobsledders sliding. So all in all...a productive trip.

This past weekend I went back up to the Sundance Film Festival alone to see the John Krasinski movie. It was really good, but unlike most films I have seen at Sundance, John Krasinski did not do a Q&A. Which was a bummer, something about having to get back to LA and work. I managed to make some friends with the people I was standing in line with and they ended up sitting next to me at the theater and there was one seat left at the end of the row. They were trying to pack the theater, so every seat was going to be full. This emo looking kid walked in and asked if there was anyone sitting next to me. I told him no and then he informed me that he was going to get something to eat and asked if I wanted anything and that he was going to leave his jacket on the seat. I just looked at him like ummm...excuse me emo kid...I'm good but thanks for asking and what do I care if you leave your jacket there? As soon as he left the girls next to me started giggling and informed me that Landon Pigg was sitting next to me. I guess he's the latest teen heartthrob and he had a song on Grey's Anatomy. So yeah, my brush with fame.

In weather related news, inversions suck. For all you people who hail from non inversion areas an inversion is when the cold air in a valley gets trapped in by warm air above. This means that there is no circulation of air. And Salt Lake is really polluted...when there is no circulation of air we get to breathe the same toxins every day and it looks like smog! But it's worse than LA, no joke. We beat LA for worst air quality in the country for the past week and a half. The only way to get rid of the inversion is to get a storm to come in and blow the warm air over the mountains. Luckily this happened between Saturday night and Sunday morning. Unfortunately not before I drove home from Park City in the worst fog of my life. That's how bad the smog was...I couldn't see feet in front of my car. It was like you could chew on the air....disgusting!

In local news, the locals are starting to annoy me again. I guess that's what happens when I don't travel for 3 weeks. Although I must admit, I do enjoy traveling...but not every week. I think one week a month would be good for me. I was traveling once a week for 12 weeks out of the past 4 months...that was a little insane. But back to the local news...this was the big news story this week...and by big story I mean leading off the newscast...for like 4 newscasts in a row.

GOP, LDS Church representatives discuss liquor laws

State lawmakers may be one step closer to getting rid of the private club law.

It appears The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints supports an alternative liquor law that some believe could men the end of private clubs in Utah.

Lawmakers met with church representatives in a traditional pre-session lunch meeting yesterday. Senate President Michael Waddoups says the Church expressed an interest in an idea for bars to electronically scan driver's licenses.

"The Church indicated an interest that that may be a good way to lessen the number of underage drinkers and also that the minors are not exposed to drinking underage," he said.

"They encouraged us to continue to explore it to find out what potential is there," he added.

But Waddoups and a church spokesman both say the church did not talk specifically about private clubs or specific legislation.

LDS Church spokesman Scott Trotter said in a statement to the Deseret News, "As has been the practice for many years, the Church met with Republican legislative leadership in an annual luncheon as one of its many constituents. A luncheon with Democratic leadership was held earlier this month.

"The issue of alcohol regulation was briefly discussed. However, private clubs were not. The Church took no position on any legislation but expressed its long-standing concerns about limiting over-consumption, reducing impaired driving, and eliminating underage drinking."

This is exactly what I mean when I say there is no separation of church and state here! Why the hell do we have to ask the church anything?? Things like this totally make me so angry and very grateful that I only have 5 months and 24 days left in this state....not that I'm counting. And yes, it's official I am moving to the greater Boston area to continue my work with the Air Force on July 19th!!!!

There's so much to do before then!

Vegas in 2.5 weeks!

That is all!

2008-12-24T15:40:00.002-07:00

Sometimes a Christmas Miracle Happens...

So I woke up at 2:15am to make the journey to New York on Tuesday morning. I left for the airport at 3am and parked at the Park and Ride around 3:45. The whole point of the Park and Ride is that you park and then they pick you up in the shuttle and take you to the airport...hence park and ride. Well I parked and there was no shuttle. So after making the freezing half mile trek to the little booth and the guy apologizing profusely that he didn't see me pull in, I finally got my ride to the airport. When I got to the Northwest ticket counter there were 8 people already in line and the counter of course was not open. When it finally opened the people in line had no clue what to do...leading me to be in a state of annoyed that one can only feel at 4am with no caffeine in their system. So I finally checked my bag after almost beating up some jackass line cutter and arguing with the desk agent (because I'm a medallion member on Delta...so hell no I'm not paying your baggage fee) and I headed to security. There is a reason I hate traveling during the holiday season other than just the weather sucks...it's because there is always a ton of infrequent travelers who have no idea that you aren't supposed to load your carry-on with liquids and insist on wearing their belt, with its big metal buckle through security. Well when I got to the security line there were about 100 people in line already...in the green (beginner) line. So I walked right up to the black diamond (closed) line and demanded to go through. Yes, I know...I was being kind of bitchy...but I just wanted to get through security and get my coffee..yes another reason I know I travel too much. I know where the 24 hour Starbucks is at the airport. So they let me through and I got my coffee. Flying to Minneapolis was pretty painless, other than the fact that there was pretty much no visibility when we landed. I had a decent 2 hour layover there and then it was off to Detroit. I was in a little better mood by this point because a. I was still heading to my destination, I wasn't stuck somewhere b. I was reading Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher, read it if you want to be thankful that you aren't an alcoholic drug addict. And her writing style is very sarcastic...so I found it very entertaining.

I made it to Detroit and for the first time ever I didn't run right off the plane. I figured since I had a 5 hour layover there was no sense in me pushing people out of the way to get off the plane and there were others that had tight connections...so yes I had a little bit of Christmas cheer and I decided to be nice for once. As I saunter off the plane I looked at the departure board and I realized that my next flight was not even up on the board yet because my layover was so long. However, there was another flight to Syracuse leaving from 3 gates away and it was scheduled for 2:05 but it was actually going to leave at 2:40. I looked down at my watch and saw that it was 2:40...but then I looked up at the board and it had updated to 2:55. So I ran down to the gate, figuring I was still going to have to wait for 5 hours...but you never know. I walked up to the gate as they were announcing that it was the final boarding call. I asked the woman if there was a seat on the plane and could I get out of Detroit early. She looked less than thrilled to be dealing with me, but she took my boarding pass, ripped it up and handed me my new boarding pass. I wanted to hug her. So I got into Syracuse at 5pm instead of 11pm...cause that's what time my luggage got there.

So that's my Christmas miracle...I got home 6 hours early, I didn't spend the night in an airport and the ulcer I had given myself the previous day from all of my worrying was for nothing.

That is all.

2008-12-12T23:11:00.000-07:00

“Ma’am please keep your clothes on!”

On a recent trip to Kansas City I hit a few glitches…ok more than a few. So I’m pretty sick of spending time in the airports and I have the route to the airport perfectly timed so that I can park, get to the terminal, check in and get to the gate approximately 10 minutes before the flight starts boarding. This is all well and good when the highway is good. Well this particular day some asshat decided to flip his car in the second lane of I-15 creating the traffic jam from hell. I had just gotten on the highway and seriously contemplated backing down the on ramp, but there were police all over and I figured that I didn’t need a ticket on top of missing my flight. It seriously took me like 45 minutes to go 5 miles…it was that bad. So as soon as I cleared the traffic I was gone. I had no idea that a Honda Civic could go 90 and I don’t ever want to find that out again.

So I arrive at the airport and I figured I would park in the economy lot rather than my offsite lot because in the economy lot at least I’m at the airport…it should be quicker. Well I get on the shuttle and I realize that the shuttle is dropping people off as well as picking people up. It wouldn’t be so bad but I live in mormon land where the approximate family size is 8. Of course when you have families that large it takes them a wicked long time to get everything on and off the shuttle. Of course by this point I was ready to start helping them along…and they weren’t going to like it.

I finally arrived at the Delta terminal 25 minutes before my flight was scheduled to leave. I ran up to the agent and told her I wasn’t even going to try the kiosk because I knew that it wouldn’t let me check in and she just looked at me and said, “I can’t check your bag.” I looked right back at her and said, “Well it’s a good thing it’s a carry on size.” Then she retorts that there is no guarantee that I am going to make this flight. To which I state that if she doesn’t give me a boarding pass, I’m never going to find out. She begrudgingly gives me the boarding pass and I proceed to start hauling liquids out of my suitcase. (As a side note I thought I got all of my liquids greater than 3 oz…turns out there were quite a few things that TSA didn’t even touch that they should have thrown out...I think the Salt Lake TSA deserves some Christmas cookies from me). So I throw out some liquids and go tearing up the stairs to go through security. By the time I reach security I am on the verge of hyperventilating. The people in line were nice enough to let me cut ahead and the guy checking IDs states that he will only let me through if I take a deep breath. I take the deep breath and proceed to throw all my stuff on the conveyor belt. I start to walk through the metal detector and I hear a loud beep. I yell something not PG rated as I realize that my belt is still on. So I yank that off. I go to step through again when I hear another beep. I again yell something not PG rated and rip my sunglasses off my head. The third time there was another beep and I just looked at the TSA guy and I said, “What the hell I have nothing left to strip off?” He looked at me and said, “um ma’am you have a metal piece on your shirt.” I look down and sure enough I had forgotten when I chose the outfit that might be a problem. I looked straight at him and I said, “Sir, I need to catch my flight…I take this shirt off right now if it gets me out of here.” To which he said, “Ma’am please keep your clothes on and step over there.” So I ended up in the clear pat down booth, hyperventilating and trying to run away…I’m really lucky I didn’t get arrested. The lady who was doing the search asked where I was going and why…when I told her, she hurried her search along. Meanwhile the other TSAers had taken all my liquids, my belt and sunglasses and thrown them all in my bag and brought it over to me. I grabbed my shoes and I was off running again, barefoot through the airport. When I say I ran a mile…I probably did and when I say I did it at a sprint, I totally did. When I got to the gate they were in final boarding and I asked the gate guy if I made it…he said I did and that I should move right along to the outside gate. So yes, I ran outside on the concrete in my socks all the way to the gate, knocking over old people and little children along the way. When I finally got to the plane I must have looked like a wreck…so much for looking put together when I got off the plane!

Lesson learned…I should just suck it up and leave for the airport way early. It’s better to sit there and be bored than to have to run through the terminal in your socks.

That is all.

2008-12-12T22:26:00.000-07:00

Single handedly destroying the earth, one airplane ride at a time.

So I know that I haven’t updated in a long time…and actually I did have an update from the middle of November partially saved, my computer deleted the rest of it…and it may get posted…but for right now I’m going to try to explain what has been going on the past couple of months.

I think I may travel too much. How do I know this? Well, I compiled a list of the reasons I think I might be traveling too much.

When filling up my gas tank this evening I had to look at my dashboard because I could not remember which side of the car my gas tank was on.
I know the airport off site parking shuttle drivers. They recognize me and ask how things are going.
I know my Delta, United and American frequent flyer numbers by heart…probably better than I know my own social security number.
I get really annoyed that after roughly 2 years people still haven’t learned that you can’t take liquids on airplanes in any significant quantity…but yet know exactly how much and where to hide my own liquids in my own luggage so I don’t get my 4 oz hand cream taken away by TSA.
I have the off site parking phone number memorized (Note: I can’t even remember my desk phone number.)
Other patrons in the expert traveler line note the efficiency at which I strip and then get redressed.
I start heckling those that should not be in the expert traveler line. Complete with my notorious eye rolling and annoyed sighs.
I take baby aspirin like an old person so I don’t get blood clots from being cramped up in those tiny damn seats.
On the rare occurrence when I am in actually in my office people come up and introduce themselves stating that I must be the new girl.
I wake up in the morning and have to consciously think about where I am waking up, and get slightly unnerved when my first couple guesses are wrong.
I travel more miles by air in a year than I do in any other mode of transportation. I am single handedly responsible for destroying the earth with my carbon footprint.
In my spare time I am trying to figure out how to devise a mechanism that will universally charge my ipod, cell phone, laptop and gps.
I realize I no longer really need the gps because I am more familiar with the roads where I travel than my own roads outside my apartment.
I have spent more time in Kansas City in the last month than I have in Utah (that’s not even an exaggeration.)
I’m annoyed when I realize that I have already seen the in-flight movie twice on two other flights
I spent my 25^th birthday sleeping by gate 62 in the Denver airport.
I have been on 156 airplanes since August 2006.
I have been in the Salt Lake International Airport at least once a week for the past 6 weeks.

Ok, I think that’s an extensive enough list. So in the next couple of days (since I’m actually going to stay put for once) I hope to give a few brief updates…and hopefully make them mildly amusing (yes Mandi that’s for you). In actuality it will probably have the same continuity of a David Sedaris novel but be far less amusing (which means I’m going to jump around a lot and not be funny, just a warning).

That is all.

2008-10-30T19:50:00.001-06:00

So I was told that this is getting pretty lame to read. Apparently it doesn’t have the angsty edge that made it so funny a couple of years ago. But I think the reason behind that is the past month has been a rollercoaster of emotions between sad and happy…not too much angry or angsty. Also, another reason this blog is so lame…I’m not in Utah long enough to make fun of the stupidity anymore. I continue to travel way too much to get annoyed by my oh so wholesome neighbors. However, every now and again I do see something that catches my eye…

http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=4642173

The funny thing is (and is stated by several of the comments) they won’t show this movie because it has the word porn in the title…but they are currently showing Saw V. Because slicing and dicing human beings is sooo less offensive than seeing a boob. And I absolutely loved the bottom paragraph. Imagine all the little teeny bopper high schoolers with their hair in pigtails and their saddle shoes…sitting there all so cute, not daring to hold the hand of the boy that brought them (because that would be sinful and might lead to…oh no…a kiss…oooh and that leads straight to sex which leads to the devil…) waiting with baited breath to see the dreamy Zac Efron kiss that chick that made a sex tape…but oh no…the horror…instead of seeing high school musical, their tiny young minds were corrupted by the opening minutes of the movie, “Sex Drive.” And the way the paper writes it, “nudity and bad language.” Oh no! Not the bad language!!

Not really much else I want to talk about in this forum. Trying to protect the innocent…or maybe not so innocent.

That is all.

2008-10-26T15:13:00.002-06:00

So I haven't updated in far too long. As of late, October is not a good month for me...and I have been on a roller coaster of emotions this month!

I think the last time I thought about updating I was going to finish my post about the business trip I went on. I got dragged out to a really nice golf course in El Paso and played a round with the boys. That's right...I was the only girl...again...someone please act surprised. I also didn't have any of my equipment with me (clubs, shoes, glove), so I had to make do. Luckily my rental clubs were King Cobras...so I didn't have to suffer too much. I had a really good time...and I drove almost 240 yards! Which I'm pretty sure is a personal best. The best part of that was that it was a short par 4 and I was on the fringe...and if I hadn't messed up the putt...I would have birdie...definitely a first for me.

Then it was back to Utah for 10 days before wedding craziness #2 for the year. However, before that happened my parents called me on Monday night and informed me that they had to put my horse down. I know he was old, but it didn't make it any less devastating. This was the one thing I had wanted since I was a little girl, I finally got when I was 13 and now it was gone. It was like a little piece of my childhood dying. My parents did a really good job though, and I'm proud of the way they handled it. And it also meant that I had a week to get myself together and over my grief before I had to go home to the empty box stall.

On Tuesday my great-aunt died. Now most people probably wouldn't be too upset about this, but they aren't part of our family. Aunt Betty was as much a staple at Thanksgiving as Grandma was. And damn was she fiesty! She had almost died of aneurysm a number of years back, but she was able to dial 911 before she passed out. Her doctors said she should have died then. But here she was at 87 years old and had an infection. The doctors wanted to give her all this treatment and take blood and antibiotics...and she just told them no. She was done and she wanted to go back to her home and die peacefully...and she was of sound mind to do it. So they let her. Even her dying she did on her own terms. You gotta respect that.

Thankfully the rest of the week was death and drama free...until Saturday. When hell froze over (literally) and it started snowing on October 12th. Yes. The 12th. By the time I left for New York on Sunday evening we had a foot of snow on the ground. It was so ridiculous! But luckily my plane was able to get me out of Salt Lake and on my way to JFK.

Monday morning I landed in Syracuse and I thought I was going to pass out from exhaustion. I didn't sleep as well as I normally do on planes...so a 3 hour nap was in order! Then I had to trek out to the field to see where Chris had fallen and where he was buried and I was all emotional all over again.

Tuesday was, according to Mandi, my day to rest and relax before I started the craziness that was wedding week. Well there wasn't much resting and relaxing going on because my mom didn't have anything to wear to the wedding...and she's so tiny nothing fits her. I'm not even kidding, even petite small jackets were too big. That took up a good chunk of the day and then I had dinner with an old friend, and then it was time for bed.

Wednesday morning I had orders to report to Mandi's at 9am. I think I went strolling in at 9:15...but who's keeping track. The reason we were meeting so early was that we had to cut out, bake and frost 260 cookies. And we did. The first batch got done that morning, the 2nd batch that night...somewhere in there, there was some dress drama...and it made for a very eventful day.

The next couple of days after that were a blur. Most of it was spent helping my cousin do random things and trying to get my own dress ready for the wedding.

Saturday was the wedding day and it was beautiful!! The weather was a little cool, but sunny. Everything just worked out so beautifully and I even kept up my end of the bargain by making sure the train on her dress was appropriately "fluffed." The reception was an absolute blast. I don't think I have had that much fun in a very, very long time. After the reception it was back to my aunt's for some R rated card playing, then a movie...then no sleep. That's right I stayed up for 24 hours for the first time in a very, very long time. And I forgot how when you stay up for 24 hours you kind of feel drunk...even though you aren't. A very weird feeling indeed.

Since I didn't sleep I carefully drove home and then carefully drove to the airport where I proceeded to crash on the flight from Syracuse to JFK. I don't remember the safety briefing, take off or even landing. I remember waking up while we were taxing to the gate and thinking...are we leaving Syracuse or are we already there? I was so confused!! My flight at JFK to SLC was delayed almost an hour and we taxied for almost an hour...so I decided it was time for my first sick day ever!

Monday was so nice! It was definitely a well deserved sick day...and if I hadn't taken it, I hate to think about the shape I would have been in long about Wednesday.

Other than that...things are going. I was able to go trail riding twice in one week and it has been an absolute blast! I have definitely been in enjoying the Utah outdoors! And I think I officially have less than 1 year left in Utah! I'm sure it's going to fly!

That is all!

2008-09-29T20:41:00.003-06:00

There is nothing quite like sipping chardonnay while you are flying over the Grand Canyon...

So after a miserable weekend spent on my couch, in which I went through an entire box of tissues, 10 bags of tea, a half gallon of OJ and I lost count how many gallons of water, it was back on the road again. This time to Phoenix, Arizona where I will spend exactly 24 hours before heading to Hell Paso.

Of course since we were taking the afternoon flight I still had to report to work at 0hundredearly and it sucked because I still felt pretty miserable. However, I had one of the smoothest drives to the airport I've ever had (seriously there was no one on I-15! It was a miracle!), then the airport shuttle picked me up as soon as I stepped out of the car, I arrived at the terminal and started the check in process when I realized that US Airways wanted to charge me for my suitcase. Being not quite as stupid as I may appear, I pulled out my star alliance silver card (thank you United!) and the lady was all, "Oh no ma'am, we won't charge you for your suitcase." Then she printed my boarding pass and handed it to me...and I just stood there for a second dumbfounded. I looked back like there must be some mistake and she said to me, "It was available, I figured I might as well." Yup that's right...upgraded to first class!!! 2nd time in 1st class in a week...damn I can't be complaining that much. So I get on the flight and the lady asks what I want to drink and I was all, bring me your finest chardonnay (which is like beringer's so not that fine...but you get the idea). So she brings me a glass of chardonnay (in a plastic cup) and it's what my mother would refer to as a "Shannon sized" glass of wine...meaning it's not freaking 5 oz like wine should be, but more like 12. So I'm sipping my chardonnay and watching the Grand Canyon below me...and the lady asks if I want more wine. I consider asking her whether she would like me to walk off the plane on my own free will, but hey there's no booze like free booze...so yeah, I drank some more wine. It made me forget the sinus headache. So the trip to Phoenix...yeah...flew right by.

Once I got here I realized that we were actually staying in Tempe and that made me just a bit nostalgic. Because my first trip to Tempe was my first trip ever where I got paid to travel, thanks to the 2001 SU football team (namely Dwight Freeney and David Tyree). And what a kick ass trip that was...back when we had a team...and we made bowl games...and we actually won the bowl games we made. Anyways, so tonight I went exploring a little bit and I am staying just down the road from the Fiesta Inn...and yes it still looks the same...including the trees that my friends stood in so I could take the picture. And all I could think of when I looked at the Fiesta Inn was the look on Vicki Dillon's face when she woke up in a bed with Jayme and I. Priceless. Then I drove down Broadway and saw the same Walgreen's where we "loitered" in front of the no loitering sign...ahh to be a freshman again. If someone had told me my freshman year that I would be flying back 7 years later in first class to attend a meeting, I would have looked at them like they were crazy. Then my freshman me probably would have gotten wicked excited that I actually did have a job and had moved beyond the poor college kid phase.

I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this rambling...but I think it's something uber sappy about memories and nostalgia and how much I miss my college buddies, but I wouldn't go back to college unless you paid me enough...yeah that's probably it. It's just been kinda cool to revisit a place where many good times were had.

That is all.

2008-09-24T17:10:00.004-06:00

Travel craziness!

Last weekend was Kelly's wedding, so it was off to Chicago! To see more pictures from the wedding go to this website.

Wednesday I woke up really early to catch my flight, and it was non stop from there. Wednesday night was the bachelorette party. Amber (maid of honor), Kelly (bride) and I started out at the signature room in the John Hancock building for martinis. From there we ate at a delicious italian restaurant and then we started bar hopping. Due to the Cubs game there was little action in the part of town we were in, so bouncers were enticing us to enter their bars with free drinks. So we would go get a free drink, get a drink bought for us (in some of the bars) and then move to the next bar. The next thing I knew it was 2 am! We took a very long taxi ride back to the hotel and crashed.

Thursday morning I woke up feeling less than stellar. I realized that I am entirely too old to be acting like I'm 21 again (hell I was old when I was 21, now I'm just a dinosaur.) My liver has suffered enough abuse in my short life, I have reached the point where I should be nice to it. So, Thursday I laid low most of the day. All of this traveling has started taking its toll and I felt absolutely exhausted.

Friday we were back on the run again. It was spa day! We were treated to manicures and pedicures...which I am ashamed to admit, I have never had before. I had acrylics on my nails once, but I had never gotten a pedicure before Friday. I guess I didn't realize that they grind off the bottom of your feet, I mean it makes sense, but I didn't think about it. So I spent the rest of the day slipping in my sandals, because all of my calluses were gone. Then it was time for the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. At the rehearsal I warned the groomsmen that I was paired with, that it was entirely possible that I might fall over in my shoes, and if I should start to fall, he should do his best to not let me fall on my butt. This was a solid plan, except that to get down the aisle to the altar, the bridesmaids were walking by themselves. I think we practiced that walk at least a dozen times and I was the only one with the perfect pacing. Yay marching band! Yes, being a nerd comes in handy sometimes. Friday night was mostly a blur and before I knew it...it was Saturday!

I was up bright and early to get to the salon to make my hair look pretty. My hair looked ok...but it did not look nearly as good as when my cousin does it. I seriously should have flown her out to Chicago just to do my updo. Then I drove to the church because Kelly was shaking too much to be trusted behind the steering wheel. After much prep work we were ready to go down the aisle. Everything was beautiful and all the bridesmaids made it down the aisle without tripping (this actually was quite a feat because the other 3 bridesmaids are used to wearing combat boots)! A lesson I learned at the church, if you are going to be partaking in a Lutheran service, let your bridesmaids sit down. We stood in front of the entire damn church (without air conditioning) for an hour! All of the bridesmaids were checking the back of each other's dresses after the ceremony because we were afraid that we had Swass in our dresses!

The reception was beautiful, complete with a string trio on the patio during cocktail hour. The food was delicious and then it was time to dance! Because I was a bridesmaid, whether I wanted to or not, it was my obligation to have my butt on the dance floor having a good time. I started out dancing mostly with the little kids...and they are fun! They don't care if you can't dance and they just want to have a good time too. Then my walking partner decided he was going to attempt to teach me to swing dance. I had the step down no problem, but he got frustrated when I couldn't turn appropriately...so he gave up...back to dancing with the little kids. Then this very arrogant pilot came up and decided that he was going to monopolize my time for the rest of the evening. Which was mostly fine because I had someone to dance with (of course no slow dances...just the fast ones...like toxic and hey ya), but also not so fine because I was trying to figure out how I was going to ditch him at the end of the night (I'm not that kind of girl!). So the evening was getting ready to wrap up and I still hadn't bid the guy adieu. Then as I'm contemplating what to do I look over and my friend Kelly is face down on the ground! Yes, the bride had fallen on some liquid on the dance floor and 2 guys had carried her out in the hall. Because I was the only bridesmaid left I went running after her. After a ton of drama she turned out to need 11 stitches in her lip. It really could have been much worse. And for all of you that think I don't deal well with the sight of blood, I'll have you know that I am growing! I sat right with her and didn't freak out at all! And as for my dance partner, he ended up picking up another chick at the bar and they left together. All in all an eventful evening.

After an hour of sleep (I'm not kidding) I headed for OHare where I proceeded to pass out for 2 hours in the Red Carpet room. I managed to board the plane, but I don't remember taking off and I barely remember landing.

A half a day at home and then it was off to Clearwater for work. One day flying, one day meeting one day flying back...and I have a cold. And I am kind of miserable. Which was very evident when I was in line at the supermarket today. I didn't even want to go grocery shopping, but I didn't have any OJ, or really anything else in my apartment, so I was forced to. So back to shopping, I'm waiting in the checkout with my throat on fire and this woman in front of me is holding up the whole line while the cashier finds out whether red beans are covered under WIC (or whatever sort of federal assistance that I pay for, that she was attempting to use). That wasn't what bugged me. If people really need the help, then they should get it. However, after we go through the fiasco of food stamps, she has the audacity to buy a pack of cigarettes. I just wanted to kick her in the shins, take her infant and scream at her that she should give up that filthy damn habit and spend that money on her kid. I swear people really piss me off.

So now I am home for 4 days...then it's off again. With the program that I work on ending, there is quite a bit of travel coming up. And I have 3 weeks to recoup before the next wedding...whoo!

That is all!

2008-09-06T21:16:00.002-06:00

Back in Utah again!

So Labor day I flew back to Utah late at night...and less than 8 hours later I had to be back at the airport to catch my flight to Florida. I spent the past week in Tampa for work. The weather was nice, but I didn't get to enjoy it because I was in meetings all day and half the night. I came home mostly exhausted and a little bit grumpy.

Today I went down to Utah's only sports bar to watch some football with the boys. It is starting to feel like fall again (kinda chilly this morning), which makes it feel like football season! It was a good time, but I'm glad we didn't stick around to watch the SU game...cause they sucked...again.

In other news, I was driving around the area today and some lady had a license plate that said, "My son-in-law's a stud." That's it...no explanation, no company promotion or anything. I passed this vehicle and did indeed determine it was a woman driving...because it would have been so much creepier had it been a guy, not that it wasn't creepy to begin with...because it was. I think I'm still shivering thinking about that.

So 2 weeks from tonight I will be partying it up in Chicago for my friend Kelly's wedding. Considering that I am going to bed at 10 on a Saturday I should really consider upping my partier factor. I have been such a grandma lately. No alcohol tolerance (I feel like crap the whole next day), yawning at 8 on a Saturday, waking up really early...when did I grow up and become lame? Next thing you know I will start having delusions that I want to have kids...don't hold your breath. So I think next weekend I have to make myself go out ...or at least stay up late...so I'm not totally lame when I have to be shaking my butt on the dance floor.

Only in the state of made up religions could this happen http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=4189573.

That is all.

2008-08-31T21:08:00.002-06:00

New York, New York

So I went home for the weekend, again. And like the last time I was pretty busy almost the whole time. Thursday I left my house at 6 am to make the trek to Yankee stadium and my parents were taken down memory lane about 10 years. See, I have a tendency while I am at home only, to go stomping through the house getting ready for the day only to end up running late and making everything in my path look like a wind storm hit it. This only happens when I am home...I've never had this problem anywhere else, except maybe 820...anyways...my parents felt like I was back in high school again, running late for the bus. And, I have to give Zach credit because he did meet my dad at 6 am and that has got to be intimidating. We made good time through NY, PA and NJ...until we got to NYC. New York traffic...uh sucks. It took us about 2 hours and 15 minutes to go 5 miles. And that was on the way to the stadium in the middle of the day...coming home was not much better. I got to see the Red Sox lose at Yankee Stadium. That was kind of the lesser of two evils, because as much as I would have liked to see the Red Sox win, Zach is a Yankees fan, and because they won, it made for a much better ride home.

The next morning it was up early to run errands and get ready for day 2. I finally have my bridesmaid dress for Mandi's wedding and it's beautiful and it fits! So I believe I am all ready for that wedding, which is good considering it's in a month and a half. Then it was off to the State Fair! We did the usual state fair stuff (Dinosaur, wine slushies, watching horses in the coliseum) and it was a pretty good time. And I think for the first time in years, I did not run into one person I knew at the fair.

Saturday we went horseback riding at Highland Forest. I'm happy when I can be around horses in general, so the fact that the trail riding wasn't all that exciting or not like riding at all...was pretty much ok with me. I think it's pretty funny when I think back about how the Highland Forest trail ride was like the excitement of my summer when I was 10! Because I got to trot! Wooo! Then we got Twin Trees that night with my parents...which was good, because I haven't had good hot wings in a very long time.

Sunday was the first day that I got to be really lazy. I slept in until 9...which is pretty late for me. I managed to trek out to the field and find Chris and I even sat on the porch and read...which I haven't been able to do in forever!

Tomorrow its back to Utah so I can land at 10:20 pm, drive to my apartment and then be back at the airport at 5:30 am to fly to Clearwater. Yes, I realize that this is insane. And there are many reasons for why I couldn't just fly to Clearwater from NY, the least of which is that it would have been more expensive, and our meeting wasn't definitely set in stone until last week...so I'm stuck going NY to Utah to Florida. The things I do to be dating someone... Upon arrival in Tampa I will probably face plant on the hotel bed and be in a coma state until the next morning...when hopefully caffeine will get me through my meetings. Now as long as I don't spend the night in the Cincinnati airport I should be ok...

That is all!

2008-08-24T17:50:00.006-06:00

2 Years Down...14 months to go.

I know I've said this a lot, but I cannot believe how fast these past 2 years have gone! I was reading through a few old posts today and also realized how very different my life was 2 years ago. (Warning the following is mostly a sentimental break down of the past 2 years that no one is probably interested in but me...but since it's my blog I'm putting it out there.)

2 years ago today I stepped on an airplane in Syracuse not knowing what a Mormon was, having never lived more than 400 miles from home and knowing that when I landed I had yet to secure a place to live and a vehicle. It was all very overwhelming. But I managed to get through it. The first year consisted of me mostly finding my feet and my wings...I had to make friends, learn about my job and what was expected of me and somehow find a way to deal with these Mormon folk. I was secure in the fact that I was dating a guy that assured me he would be there forever and always support me and my career, even if he was 2000 miles away. Well apparently forever is about 4.5 months. That fiasco ended and it was probably one of the best things that could have happened. It forced me to live the big girl single life wondering if I was going to die alone with my cats. I did go on a couple of dates...unfortunately all those dates were in New York...so not the ideal way to start a relationship.

The job was also frustrating at times. I felt like I wasted my time getting my masters and that the things I was doing I probably didn't even need a college degree to do...or at least not my college degree...sometimes I wish I was an engineer so I would understand some of the jargon. I worked on several different programs before they finally settled me on the one I continue to work on today. I was fortunate enough to find a "Utah dad" and he has become the one person that watches out for me. Not that I need someone to baby sit me, but it can be intimidating as a single girl living alone (especially when one of your guy friends goes loco and talks a lot about his guns.) So it's comforting to know that if I don't show up to work...he would be calling and finding out where I am within the hour.

I made an awesome group of friends in year 1. Unfortunately at the start of year 2, they all moved. So I made another awesome group of friends. I got the full Vegas experience and I got dragged out against my will once every weekend to hang out. It was exactly what I needed. Unfortunately some of them have moved too...but I still have a few friends hanging around.

At the end of year 1, I was so ready to be out of here. Then I started really traveling. To date I have been on 117 planes since August 24th 2006. That's kind of a lot of traveling (considering most of my trips are at least one week long.) I started to wonder why I had an apartment...I should really just live in a hotel. During this time of insane travel I lost one of my biggest cheerleaders, my grandmother. She loved this blog and always told me I should publish it cause she was going to be the first one to buy a copy of that book. It was incredibly hard being 2000 miles away and getting that phone call and knowing that I might not make it home in time. Knowing that every member of my family was already there and I was the oddball stuck out in Utah. But fortunately for me Jet Blue didn't suck...just this once and got me home. Then it was back on the road again and before I knew it...it was ski season.

Now I have never ever tried skiing or snowboarding before December 2007 and if you follow the blog you know how infuriated I was by snowboarding. I just couldn't get it...and it was this frustration that made me stick with it. Then I got hooked. I snowboarded by myself and I found that there was something very relaxing about being by yourself on a mountain, ok not totally by myself, there were other people there, but I would essentially be alone all day. I think I got pretty good...that is until I had company. That's when Gracie Lou stepped out and broke her arm (Grandma would have been proud.) Fortunately for me though I had a very sweet guy that was willing to take care of me and drive my butt around all weekend. And yes, he's 2000 miles away also (well 2050 but who's counting?) He asked me to be his girlfriend and I thought he was crazy. I mean if I had just spent all weekend taking care of a guy cause he broke himself...I might be cautious about seeing him again. But we have seen each other since, and yes we are still together, despite my cousin's best efforts. I'm not sure how serious it is, I'm not sure how serious I want it to be and I'm not exactly sure what his feelings are about me, my career and our relationship. I think we are taking things one day at a time and enjoying each other when we see each other. That's my observation at least.

When I moved to Utah I thought I would never be able to play my French Horn again. Music has been such a huge part of my life for so many years, that I was upset at the possibility that I would never again get to play (yes I know...I'm a HUGE nerd). I was lucky enough though to find out about the Ogden Concert Band and then I got recruited for the biggest gig of my life...playing with the Weber State Wind Ensemble at Carnegie Hall! It's April 8, 2009 for any of you who would like to come see me.

So I have things to look forward to in year 3. And I also know where the AF is going to send me at the end of this year...so now I have to make the decision about whether I should stay with the AF or if I should try to find another job, which is scary, but exciting. I can't believe it's August...and wedding season is almost about to start. And I haven't even started thinking about writing that toast yet! And after wedding season...it's ski season again!! Then it's time to move! And there are still so many things I want to see in this state (and surrounding states) that I haven't gotten to see yet...so I'm hoping to find time to do that as well. 14 more months...yeah, I can do that.

That is all.

2008-08-22T21:52:00.005-06:00

I bet you a 6 pack of root beer!

So this exchange did not actually occur in my presence, but in the presence of one of my buddies. He was sitting at his computer minding his own business when he heard two coworkers trying to prove the other wrong. Finally one blurted out, "Yeah, well I bet you a 6 pack of root beer that I am right." My buddy said he felt like he was 12 all over again. This is when he developed his theory that Utah is really the kiddie table of America. Everyone around here is perpetually stuck in the 7th grade. No one kisses boys (especially not before a celestial marriage) and no one even thinks of drinking alcohol! Which inherently means that my friends and I...we are the bad kids. The kids your mother warned you about...and we have BYU drinking team shirts to prove it.

In other news, I have a band concert on Sunday and we are playing a piece called Harlem Nocturne. And it sounds very much like the name implies...a little bit strip club, a little bit night club, a whole lot of good sax on the street corner. Essentially, you should be playing like you are in Harlem. One problem. I am in Squaresville,USA. These people probably have never even seen a brother, let alone tried to play like one. Now I'm not claiming to have way ethnic roots or anything...but I did work in an inner city...and the squareness with which this group plays this song...kind of makes me want to go deaf.

So Redneck Stonehenge has been erected in Utah. To watch the piece, which I highly recommend...because its far superior to reading it...go here http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=3929956 And yes, the town is spelled Hooper...like Mr. Hooper's store on Sesame Street. But they pronounce it Huper. Why? Cause they are lazy and western...no energy for them there extrar vowels. But they will throw an R in Washington. Go figure. Anyways, I have yet to drive out to see this "Stonehenge"...although it's probably only 10 miles or so from where I live. I think my favorite quote of the whole piece was, "we spoke to a neighborhood kid who said his father thinks it's trashy." Yup, that about sums it up. This dude would totally fit in in certain parts of Oswego County.

That is all!

2008-08-21T16:26:00.002-06:00

Another update…

So it was again brought to my attention how infrequently I update this thing. But sometimes I just get busy…or I don’t get mad enough about whatever it is that is happening in my world to warrant venting about it through a post, and in this case…it was the former.

So I flew to California, MD to attend ANOTHER training course. The area was pretty nice but was po-dunk Maryland which led to some logistics issues. The first logistics issue was the 4 hours I spent in my car the first night I was there trying to track down my cousin’s shower gift. I went to 3 different Kohl’s in 2 different states, but I finally found it. The next logistics issue was that I wanted to hang out with my DC friends…but they were an hour and a half away in light traffic…so that wasn’t happening in the middle of the week. But I did get to see a few of them on the weekend…so that was awesome! I hung out with my girls on Saturday and had a blast!! And we decided that men are all the same. As my friend Lauren put it, “Yeah they are all basically the same, they do the same things, eat the same things and you just have to figure out what level of annoyingness you can tolerate…that’s how you find your one.” I’m trying to think of other amusing things that happened while I was there….oh so I went to Starbucks…pretentious headquarters…and I pull into the parking lot. I get out of the car and realize that I am parked in a compact only row…which is fine because I was driving the brightest yellow chevy cobalt coupe…so clearly…I’m a compact. But I didn’t see the sign at first because right next to me (blocking the sign) is a Ford Excursion…not an escape, or an expedition…an excursion! And all of a sudden the Denis Leary I’m an Asshole song starts playing in my head. I really wanted to take a picture…but was sans camera…and it just didn’t come out well on the camera phone.

After the training from hell it was off to the Cuse to put on a bridal shower. I spent most of the whole day Thursday driving to the Cuse and all day Friday running around trying to get stuff done before Saturday. I finally got home at 11 that night and I still had a ton of stuff to do Saturday morning. I was stressed! So I’m sitting at the table venting to my mom when I hear tires squealing. Then a truck pulls into my driveway and almost takes out an innocent car while attempting to do a U turn. He peels down the side road and stops, on the wrong side of the road, right in the middle of the lane. Then another car comes up…parks right in the middle of the road and shuts off its lights. My mom and I were freaking out thinking they were going to cause an accident…and then I saw people milling about. We couldn’t tell exactly what they were doing because our trees obscured our line of sight (one good thing about Utah…that wouldn’t have been a problem…we have no leafy trees). It looked like these guys were fighting, then it looked like they were trying to climb down the embankment and that’s when I realized that there was a car almost in our field. These guys were obviously drunk and I couldn’t tell if anyone was hurt or not…so I decided to call 911. By the time I hung up with the operator, they were all gone. All of them, but the car was still in our field. Next thing I know half my family is in my front yard (cause they are all in the fire department)…and they were all chiding me because it didn’t appear we had a problem. Until they shined the lights in our field and realized that there was a car there. So finally around 3am I got to sleep. A few short hours of sleep later and I was up to finish everything I needed to finish for the shower. 5 cups of coffee later and the shower was on! Thankfully everything appeared to come together just fine…despite my nightmare about it beforehand.

Monday it was back down to DC to catch the flight that left me stranded in Denver in June…that fateful night when I spent the night on the floor of the Denver airport. The drive from Cuse to DC was rather uneventful…although I still hate PA and everything about it. When I checked in at the kiosk it was very grey outside, but the rain managed to hold off until I got out of the city…so I got home when I was supposed to…yay! Waiting at the baggage claim for my luggage there was an African American woman standing there. And instinctively in my head I thought, man this woman must be lost. Which is not a normal reaction anywhere else in America, but when 1.32% of your population is black and almost all of those 1.32% work at Hill…you tend to make snap judgments. So I’m standing there and said woman comes up and asks me if I know the area. And I said yeah, I live here…what are you looking for? Well she was looking for some hotel in Salt Lake City, which I confess, I don’t know all that well, but I showed her how to figure out where she needed to be. As we are standing there some father pulled 3 car seats off the conveyor belt. She exclaims, “Ooh someone must have triplets.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the 6 urchins standing 6 feet away were all the guy’s children…and yes 3 of them were under the age of 2. And yes, this is Utah, where people are grossly irresponsible with their abilities to procreate, doing so at such a young age that they aren’t even fully grown up themselves, leading to a culture of chaos and young children running through airport terminals screaming their heads off. No…didn’t have the heart to tell her any of that…she’ll figure that one out on her own…probably after she figures out that she is the only black person in a 40 mile radius, and yes the airport is in a large metropolitan area.

Tuesday it was back to the grind. Not much else to report there. I head back to New York Wednesday. Yes, I know…I was just there. I just love New York so much I can’t stay away…just kidding. I am actually having a bit of a rendezvous, at least that’s what I’m calling it….and it does include a Yankees/Red Sox game…so I’m pretty excited!

I know I had another story for this blog…but I can’t remember what it was at the moment…I’m sure I’ll think about it at some inopportune time when I am nowhere near a computer to blog. Oh well.

That is all.

2008-08-02T22:55:00.002-06:00

It has been brought to my attention that it has been awhile since I updated this thing...

San Diego was beautiful!!! I had such a good time, I just wish I didn't have to be in class! I seriously could live there, if it wasn't so damn expensive.

The top story in Utah this week...will the state do away with the private club concept? For those that aren't familiar a private club is what we call in the rest of the world, a bar. That's it. Except to go into a bar in Utah you have to pay a membership fee to drink there. It's an old antiquated system, but it's keeping people from bar hopping! Oh the horror! If you think I'm kidding, here's the story...

SALT LAKE CITY (ABC 4 News) - The proposal to get rid of private clubs in Utah is inching forward. Wednesday, the DABC asked for legislation to be drafted to eliminate the clubs.

Governor Huntsman wants to get rid of them because he thinks they're bad for the state’s business climate.

But almost immediately Wednesday, there were objections.

DABC Commissioner Kathryn Balmforth said, “Alcohol is controlled for a reason."

She is the alcohol commissioner who most often takes the hardest line against drinkers.

Balmforth worries that getting rid of clubs might lead to things like club hopping, more drinking and criminal activity.

Balmforth added, “Everybody in a society that chooses to accommodate the right of people to drink and the desire of people to make money by selling alcohol, everybody pays a price."

And that prompted other commissioners to voice their concerns, even if they weren't exactly related to getting rid of clubs.

For example – one pet peeve - those little walls or barriers on bar counters in restaurants.

Gordon Strachan, DABC Commissioner said, "Somehow we have to figure out how to eliminate the Zion Curtain. I mean it just makes us look silly and sound silly."

And because the commission is not yet on the same page when it comes to doing away with clubs, it decided to postpone a decision and to advance the issue all at the same time.

Strachan said, "I suggest that we move this forward but that we actually have legislation in front of us for our next meeting that addresses these issues."

And if the DABC and then the governor come up with suitable language, a bill to get rid of private clubs will be debated during next year's legislative session.

Sources told ABC 4 that the LDS Church has not decided how they feel about the issue and are in no hurry to make that decision.

It was even funnier to watch this story first hand. Because basically the governor is being smart and that women was really mad that people were going to bar hop and destroy society with their alcohol.

It's stories like the above that just keep me shaking my head and thinking...man these people would never survive in America.

I am currently listening to show tunes Saturday night...and the DJ just made a comment about "Hair" not being performed in Utah because nudity is not a good thing. What?!

All joking aside though...I have 13 months left out here. Some days it feels like it is going entirely too fast and some days it doesn't feel fast enough, like when the little immigrants that just moved in down the hall are screaming in the hallway at 11 o clock at night, definitely not going to miss that. Seriously what parents think it is acceptable to have children acting like apes so late at night?

In other news, travel season is about to start. If you know what my schedule is, you are doing better than I am. It seems to be constantly changing and extremely busy. I think I need a clone or a personal assistant. I'm accepting applications. If you are going to be in the DC, Maryland, Florida, NY, Chicago or England area and want to hang out...let me know and I'll let you know when I am in a town near you.

In honor of my schedule for the next 3 months I went to Bear Lake today to chill out by myself. I totally meditated on the beach and fell into a state that still amazes me. See, I've been taking Yoga, Pilates and Jazzercise for the past couple of weeks. They help supplement my boring running routine and make me bend like a pretzel! Well in Yoga, the last 10 minutes is meditation. I thought this was kind of bogus...because honestly who can relax in the gym? Well the first day I didn't. The second day I fell asleep (totally not kidding...and if you know me...you know this is possible...thanks genetics). The third day I vanished. I know I wasn't sleeping, but I wasn't awake either. It was the weirdest damn feeling ever...it was like dreaming but not being asleep. Well today on the beach, I did the same thing. And spare me the lectures about being on beach by myself and all the bad things that could happen with that. I didn't go swimming, I didn't get kidnapped and at least one person knew where I was (sort of). And honestly I don't know how long I was in the meditation state, but I woke up when I got hit with a blast of sand wind. So the trip served its purpose, I achieved a relaxed zen state and I got a raspberry milkshake (Bear Lake is famous for these...mmmm.) It was a win-win day all around. Now it's time to get focused, get serious and get ready for wedding season! 3 in 5 weeks to be exact. 1 dress at the tailors and 1 dress being shipped! Whoo!

That is all!

2008-07-12T21:38:00.002-06:00

Crossing more items off my list of things to do!

This past week was insane! Monday night we had another concert, Tuesday was of couse, drink of the week followed by pie at Village Inn, Wednesday musical rehearsal and Thursday was skeet shooting and a drum corps show in Ogden.

So let's see...the concert went well. I do miss our normal director though. He has taken the summer off and I think we sound better with him than we do with his replacement.

Tuesday some good friends made me attend Drink of the Week at our TGIFridays and then we all went for pie afterwards at Village Inn. I resisted going to both of these events because I'm lame, but I'm very fortunate to have people in my life that make me not be lame. I have truly met some of the best friends out here. Ok, enough with the sentimental crap.

Thursday...skeet shooting. So, about 2 months ago I casually mentioned that I wanted to learn to shoot a gun. Because I live in Utah and everyone knows how to shoot a gun out here. Well one of my buddies took me seriously and wouldn't let me back out. He informed me that I was going shooting with the boys Thursday after work. Yes, that's right 3 guys and me. I know, what else is new? So I got to shoot clay pigeons with a 12 gauge shotgun. And I was terrified at first. I had never held a gun, much less shot one and I thought it was going to hurt, because I had heard all these horror stories about kickbacks and shoulder bruises. And I have to say, it didn't hurt at all. And the guys that I was with were so patient with me. Showing me how to track and where to aim...and when I hit 3 clay pigeons I think they were almost as excited as I was. At the end of the 2 games they informed me that the next step is shooting hand guns at the range and they informed me that I will be doing that sometime soon.

After my skeet shooting experience I went to a real drum corps show at Weber State! They had some really good corps there and it made me realize how much I miss playing my mellophone loud! Yes, I am a huge nerd!

Up next on the agenda: San Diego. Yeah, I'm taking a training class in San Diego...it's a rough job but someone has to do it.

That is all!

2008-07-04T13:23:00.002-06:00

The First Night of a Busy Weekend...

So because I work for the government (and we all know how those government workers are), Friday was supposed to be my day off...except Friday is a holiday. So that meant I got Thursday off too! Most of Thursday was spent running errands and trying to get things back on track since I haven't been on the road in almost 2 weeks (important things like working on invitations to a bridal shower and making sure my calla lily doesn't eat my TV)!

Around 6 I decided to head up to Logan to hang out with Amanda and her buddies. I randomly ran into them at church on Sunday (and yes it was totally random seeing as how they live an hour away) and they invited me up to the Logan fireworks. We all met up at Joe's house (one of her buddies) and had a cookout. The guys made the burgers, which was fine because they tasted great, but they were like half a cow...per burger. But it was all very tasty nonetheless. Then all 6 of us piled into the Outback (Yes, the Outback seats 5... No, I didn't Superman across the back...although I did offer. And no it was still not as ridiculous as fitting 8 in a Ford escort) and headed to the labs at Utah State where we were going to sit on the roof to watch the show. We carefully made our way onto the roof, I say carefully because the ladder was a little rickety and also we had to watch out for the cops, and camped out for the show. For all those that have been to Harborfest, it was not as cool as that...however, for a mid-size town it was a pretty impressive display.

After the show it was time for the tour part of the evening. The only problem was, I was like the walking dead. Having been up since 6 that morning and running around all day, and now with half a cow in my stomach...I was ready for some sleep! So when Joe started spouting off jargon like catalyst and cations...my brain was half registering what it meant...the other half was saying, would that refrigerator with the corn in it be comfortable to sleep in?

When we finished up the tour we realized that traffic was still pretty bad. Yes, the traffic. I had no idea that so many people lived in that part of Utah. If you have never been to Logan, it's pretty sparsely populated...or so I thought...apparently fireworks are the social event of the year. So Amanda, Jake, Joe (a different Joe yes there were 2...it's confusing) and I decided to walk back to the house (the other Joe drove). So we're walking along and we come across a couple of drunk guys heckling...yes heckling, the drivers (Things like,"Don't get in the right lane...oh he got in the right lane, what is he thinking?). They give us the typical drunk guy hello ("Hey!!! Whaareyoudointonight?) and Amanda and I kept walking. The other 2 guys (who were further behind because Amanda and I walk too fast) stopped to chit chat. That's when we came upon the sprinklers. In front of Logan hospital there were sprinklers that were on. Amanda and I wrongly assumed that we could beat them...but no, they were out to get us. We started off at our usual walk but quickly got hit by the first one. I yelled out something of a profanity and started running. Then as I'm running I ask Amanda if she thinks I will get arrested for yelling a profanity in public in Utah (don't need to be getting in trouble or anything). We finally got back to the house, and wouldn't you know...I wasn't tired anymore (which was a good thing because I had an hour drive ahead of me).

We had some more food (there were some Italians there...seriously, they weren't going to let us go hungry) and then I rolled up into Layton around 2am and went to bed. I reminded myself that I am still too old to be doing this (that drive through Sardine canyon at 1am can be a killer)...but I don't seem to be learning from myself every time I say that. But that's ok I had a fun evening!

Now I'm off to another party with the peeps from work. Tomorrow I have a concert "under the stars" and then it's almost back to work. Whew!

That is all!

2008-06-26T20:23:00.002-06:00

So much blogging…so little time!

So I haven’t updated since I spent that memorable night in the Denver airport. For the record I did not develop a flesh eating disease…so I think all will be well. It was however quite possibly the longest 48 hours of my life. I guess it builds character or something. Or as my grandma would say, “You’ll be a better person for this.” So I arrived in Utah relatively unscathed. I was there for about 24 hours and I flew out to Oakland for a nuclear conference. It was definitely interesting to be back with all the policy wonks. I also got to see a ginormous laser facility...but only my nerdy friends will appreciate that. I was traveling with a new set of coworkers...and oh man...I'm glad I brought a GPS.

So then it was back to Utah on Friday. Saturday we went hiking in Adams Canyon which is not too far from where I live…maybe 5 minutes. I was look forward to a beautiful view with a waterfall at the end. We started on the trail and a little ways in my buddy Jeremy asks if anyone heard that bug. It was at that time that Nick yelled and jumped the other way. So Jeremy and Nick were separated from Jill and I by….a rattlesnake. A Great Basin Rattlesnake to be exact. And this thing was PISSED!!! He was all coiled up but his head was raised like he was going to strike at any minute. I just stood there frozen and informed the boys that if they needed me, I’d be in the car. Jill was engaged in taking pictures of the ugly thing (Which when I get them, I will post here). After what felt like a decade, but was probably about 5 minutes the snake uncoiled itself and went slithering up the hill and we went on our merry way. I thought seeing rattlesnakes in Utah was pretty rare, so we thought we would be ok for the rest of the hike. It was overall a decent hike, some rock climbing, some tromping through water, all in all a good time. The hike finished at a very pretty waterfall where we all took pictures (I’ll post those too). When we were thoroughly frozen from the waterfall water, we started our descent. We passed the point where we saw the first rattlesnake and laughed at how silly that was. Then a little ways down the trail head I saw Jeremy jump about 10 feet in the air and Jill jump on his back. I was walking behind Jill so I got the full view. A little rattlesnake cutting across the path right in front of me. I screamed like a little girl and had one of those full body shivers. But the snake continued on unfazed. About another half mile down Nick almost stepped on a huge one! It was about 4 feet long and it wasn't happy either...but it just took off into the weeds. So we saw 3 rattlesnakes in about an hour and a half. Totally not cool!

If I had a "bucket list" I just crossed off 2 things this week. I successfully spent the night in an airport and I saw a rattlesnake in the wild. Not sure those would have been on my list to begin with...but I'd be glad to never experience those again.

This week has been rather busy, although that tends to happen when one isn't in the office for a full week in over a month. I can't complain that much I suppose, my job could be worse.

Looking forward to spending some time in Utah (bet you didn't think I would ever type that) if only so I can maintain a healthy diet and a decent workout schedule. Oh yeah and there's some boys that want to do some serious hiking. And they are looking for some amusement...so they invited me along...they're taking bets on whether my scream can crack glass. Next on the list...Ben Lomond trail! Yes, that's the one that inspired the Paramount Pictures logo. Whoo!

That is all!

2008-06-17T00:00:00.002-06:00

Just a little update before bed.

So right now, I am camping in Denver. And by camping I mean getting ready to sleep on the floor of the Denver airport. And trust me, it really is camping. I have none of my necessary beauty supplies to prepare me to sleep (including the all important toothbrush), I have no pillow or blanket and have you ever seen an airport floor?, I'll be lucky to get out of here without a case of flesh eating strep. On the upside I know now what my list of necessities would be to take to a desert island, were I ever to be stranded on one.

So this is a fantastic way to spend the first 10 hours of my birthday. Which by the way, thank you to all who sent their well wishes...and their tongue-in-cheek well wishes. Yes, I am now part of the old club, my mid-twenties, the age where it's cheaper to rent a car, whatever you call it. I did feel pretty good earlier tonight though. They were giving out free wine on my flight to Denver (it was the least they could do with all the crap I had to put up with today) and I went to reach for a glass and the stewardess asked me if I was of age. I know I look young...but under 21?

Basically all this ridiculousness started because I decided to spend the weekend at home. Syracuse in the summer is pretty much awesome and I figured since I was in town, I might as well drive up. Yes, I consider the fact that I was in DC, in town. So I spent a great weekend at home and had a great drive back down to DC. Then as soon as I went to check into my flight the wrath of Satan opened up on the district. I stood in front of the big windows in Reagan and realized that the visibility was probably 10 feet. It looked like a damn hurricane. So as a result my flight was delayed 2.5 hours, and then we sat for an hour and a half on the tarmac. So 4 hours and 2 missed connections later, I arrive in Denver. I wait in line for a crap load of time only to be told that there is no way for me to get my luggage, so I decided there's no point in me trying to get a hotel. My flight in the morning leaves at 8, so by the time I got a shuttle to a hotel, got checked in, got to bed and then calculated the time I would need in the morning to get back to the airport and get through security...I probably would spend maybe 2 hours at the hotel...totally not worth the $100 or whatever it is that hotels in Denver charge. Not to mention the Denver airport is in the middle of nowhere...to even get to a hotel is a hike. So I found myself a power outlet and I'm hunkering down for the night.

24 hours in Salt Lake and then it's off to Oakland.

That is all!

2008-06-09T09:47:00.002-06:00

Heading for the ulcer I probably have coming to me...

So I am currently sitting in the Denver airport, on route to DC. I have been on the ground for about 45 minutes and I have already had the urge to choke no less than 3 people. To start things off I stood up on the pack of gum CRJ that we flew in on and the little 4 year old behind me started poking my butt. Not even kidding, she was like typing on my ass. I didn't know what to do, I mean how likely is it that the small child behind you will start touching your butt. Probably the same probability of her whacking you in the head while she was swinging down the aisle like a monkey. Which by the way, she also did. I wanted to turn around and tell her how rude it is to touch other people, let alone on the ass, but I figured her mother would probably just lecture me on how rude it is to lecture a child. So I refrained and got off the plane before my reflexive right hand turned around and smacked the living crap out of her.

The second person on my choke list. The less than pleasant UPS woman. How damn hard is it to tell UPS, don't deliver my damn package. I won't be there. Hold it at your center, I'll pick it up when I return. I called UPS last week and they told me that I had to wait until it got delivered in Ogden before I tried to hold it. So, lo and behold it got delivered in Ogden this morning and I called them back but apparently I can't hold it at the center until the guy tries to deliver it. Then as soon as he tries to deliver it, I can call back and tell them to hold it. Umm, hello, I'm not there to know when he tries to deliver it, if I was we wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place. Why can't I just hold it now? Well, you can't that's what our policy says. It was at this point that I informed the woman that her policy was retarded and I work for the government, I know retarded policy. She then asked if I had a leasing office that could sign. I do, but I am as about as trusting of my leasing office as I am of a hardened criminal. So I told her, you know what...fine leave it at the leasing office. Then I hurried up to call the leasing office and verify that they could do that. And thank goodness, they can. Now I normally wouldn't be fussing this much over a package, but it's the bridesmaid dress for my friend Kelly's wedding. If I screw this up, I'm in deep trouble!

Person 3 the lady at Central Violations Bureau. Enough said. That's another post for a later date and I'm hungry because I haven't had breakfast and when I get hungry, I get cranky. So I'm going to find some food, then get on this plane and pass the hell out, whether I want to or not, thanks to genetics.

That is all!

2008-06-06T21:53:00.002-06:00

It's been an interesting week. Most of which I don't care to comment on or talk about. However, I did learn that I am probably going to be the worst parent ever, if and when I ever decide to procreate. I'm going to put my kids in a bubble and never let them out. This stems from an incident that happened last week.

A Layton High School sophomore died during football practice. I heard it on the news and I was all...aww that's too bad, probably some freak heart thing. But I didn't really put much more thought into it than that. Then I went to tutor on Tuesday. I have been working a lot with the ACT kids lately because I have more patience for juniors in high school than kindergarteners at the end of the day (I blame this on the fact that most of the people I work with act like 5 year olds a lot of the time), plus I'm one of the select few tutors that can still remember trig. The first hour of tutoring was very productive, the 2 students I was working with just did their work, no chit chat involved. Then one of the other tutors mentioned something about the football player. Well, it turns out that one of my students was friends with him and the other student had lost a good friend in a sledding accident in January...suddenly we went from productive to tears. I'm not even kidding there were 2 high school juniors at my table in tears or almost in tears. And I'm one of those people that when I see people cry, I start to cry. So I'm trying my hardest not to dissolve into tears and at the same time, trying to play counselor to two kids. Then I had to admit to myself that yes, I am now involved in the community in which I live. It was a very draining day. And that's when I made the decision...my children will live in a bubble.

Other than that, I head for DC this week. Then the next week I fly coast to coast. Monday I fly back to UT, Wednesday it's off to San Jose. And I think that somewhere in there, there might be a milestone for me or something. It definitely will not be as cool as last year when my amazing friends threw me this huge freaking pool party and then we went out to find me a guy, only to realize that you don't meet guys going out...or at least not ones you want to establish any sort of long term thing with. But most unfortunately my birthday is in the middle of the week this year and my awesome friends have for the most part moved on me.

Let's see...what else....oh yeah. Carnegie Hall April 2009. Mark your calendars. When I get the date, I'll let everyone know so you all can come see me! I'm playing my french horn at Carnegie Hall!!!!!!! I can't even believe it! How did this all start? Well, I'm a huge dork. Like big time. So I'm in the Ogden Concert Band. Why? Because I really enjoy playing my instrument...and I needed to find an outlet to get to my "happy place" and while the Ogden Concert Band is nowhere near the Boston Pops...it makes me a little bit euphoric to play every week. Well a couple of weeks ago the director of the band (who also is the director of bands at Weber State...for all you NYers...think Oswego State...same type of deal) pulls me aside at rehearsal and says, "hey you look like you could be an undergrad...how old are you, 22?" And I'm all, "ummm thanks...but I'm almost 25." Then he asks how I would feel about playing with a bunch of 18-22 year olds...and oh yeah they're going to Carnegie and they need some strong players...would you like to audition? I was so taken aback that I totally agreed to it before my brain registered that I would actually have to audition. Well I was a little excited...but I kind of forgot about it with everything else I have had going on in my life recently. So the Wednesday before I leave for Florida, the director asks again if I want to do this. Again, I agree and he says, "Great well can you come in on the 3rd and audition." And I said, "Sure, no problem. What should I play?" And he told me something that would show off my range and technical skills. So I was all, "oh like a Mozart concerto?" "Yeah, that would be great." So I got home and pulled out all my books from when I was a junior in HIGH SCHOOL. I looked at all the solos that I had done all those years ago for NYSSMA and I wanted to vomit. I realized that I was an idiot because I had forgotten how many hours I spent on those stupid things, and oh yeah I haven't really practiced in 7 years...and I haven't auditioned for anything in 8. And I was leaving for Florida in the morning...which left me with 2 days to rehearse before the audition. So being the big nerd I am I took my mouthpiece to Florida...yes I know totally nerdy...but I needed to at least give myself a chance at not totally sucking. Then when I got home, I got down to the business of trying to make myself sound awesome in 2 days. It was hell. I considered faking a broken horn so that I wouldn't have to go through the utter hell that is an audition, but I reminded myself that it's freaking Carnegie Hall...you have to at least try. So Tuesday I auditioned. And yes, true to my audition nature, I freaked. I freak when I am well prepared...make me not so well prepared and I was a wreck. I did however manage to get through my concerto much better than I had the weekend before, so I was pleased with that...but my nervousness was clearly showing. My face was red, I had broken out into a cold sweat and I shaking uncontrollably. At the end of the audition the director informed me that I was in fact going to Carnegie (even though I can only make 1 out of 6 practices) and he recommended that I read this book about the inner game of music and how that affects things like auditions. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I may never audition for anything ever again. Of course I never thought I would audition for anything again after high school, so I guess I should never say never.

And 15 months until I can move!!! The time is going faster than I thought it would.

That is all!

2008-05-31T14:17:00.002-06:00

Last night was a first...

So last night I attended a "Mormon wedding reception" and let me tell you it was completely different than the parties I am used to. I am used to lots of loud people, dancing, drinking, music and lots of food! There was none of that!

After walking around for 25 minutes in downtown Salt Lake trying to find the reception place, we finally found the conference room (yes it was held in a conference room). We had been told the dress was casual so my friends and I were clad in our best jeans and polos. When we showed up all of the other guests were wearing real wedding type attire...suits, frilly dresses etc. So we already stuck out like a sore thumb...oh yeah and we knew no one else in the room.

So we waited in line to see the happy couple and hit the food table. There was a bowl of delicious dip and nacho chips, a fruit spread (pineapples, melons, grapes etc), a veggie tray, some chocolate covered strawberries...and that was it. For a drink we were served water in a punch bowl with lemon and lime slices in it. Yes, water. It was definitely a new cultural experience for me. Of course my group of friends then got rowdy and loud because that's what we do when we all get together. It was all fun and games until my friend Jeremy decided to joke with the groom about how the water was spiked and it made him want to get naked. He was joking of course, but the uptight mormon bishop standing behind him didn't think it was so funny. The whole time our group felt like we were being judged (because we were) and that we were heathens (because we are...oh no not beer!) It was definitely uncomfortable. After a bit we decided we had had about all the uptightness we could stand and decided to head to the Bayou for some beers and sweet potato fries!! As I was leaving the groom pulled me aside and told me to have fun and drink for him (since he is now mormon and is no longer allowed to have fun). After an event like that it definitely made me appreciate the culture I come from and how I know that if I ever decide to get married...it's going to be a big damn party!! Cause that's how we do it where I'm from.

In other news, I am now a status member on United. In the first 6 months of 2008 I flew 25,000 miles. Go me. Really status doesn't mean crap though...all it means is that I can get 6 inches of extra leg room for free. I'm not even cool enough to be allowed into their lounges at the airports. You have to pay an additional huge chunk of money to do that. Stupid airlines.

I did get to spend 8 days in the sunny state of Florida...well mostly sunny I guess. I got back on a golf course and found that the elbow is indeed healed enough to golf...so I found a way to keep my sanity out here in Utah until boarding season. Although with all the trips I have coming up, keeping my sanity will probably not be an issue because I will never be here.

DC in 8 days!

That is all!

2008-05-08T20:44:00.003-06:00

Randomness because I can...

So one of the big topics of discussion today was the type of shoe I am wearing to my friend Kelly's wedding. She had sent us (the bridesmaids) the link from David's Bridal and we were supposed to pick our favorites. I was asking my coworker Rebecca what she thought when Mike joined the conversation. It went something like this...

Me: Well, I like a nice classy heel that makes me taller.

Mike (5'3"): House, how much taller do you honestly need to be?

Me: 7 feet and a ballerina...don't laugh at my dreams! That's really what I wanted when I was in second grade.

Rebecca: Isn't that a stiletto?

Me: Yeah, I blew my knee out on one of those.

Mike: You blew your knee out?

Me: Well technically tore the meniscus, strained the MCL and there's a chunk of calcification in there...but in my defense it wasn't me being clumsy! He was drunk and fell into me!! I am not a disaster waiting to happen!

Mike: House, you are a disaster!

So then I went to a staff meeting where I tutor and they fed us Chinese for dinner. I haven't eaten Chinese in so long that I think my body is rejecting the MSG and causing me to feel nauseous, but that isn't the funny part...one of my coworkers threw me a fortune cookie and my fortune was, "Now is the best time for you to be spontaneous. Serendipity!" I completely almost choked on the chicken (at least I hope it was chicken) that I was eating. The last month has been nothing if not spontaneous! It's too bad that Utah is as oppressive as it is...because I would totally go out and buy a lottery ticket right now with those numbers on the back. It's Utah's fault that I am not a millionaire right now.

In other news, I think I am going to write a book entitled, "She's Not That Into You" and I am going to pair it up with "He's Not That Into You" on Amazon and make a fortune. Why do I have the experience to write this, you may wonder? Because I have had to deal with someone who is not getting the hint that she's not that into you.

In order to get on base you must flash your AF ID. There is usually a very nice rent-a-cop (a scum contractor) that checks the ID and lets you go on your way. And I totally have my gate with my gate people. They know me, ask how I am and we both go about our days. Well back in October one of the guards asked if I wanted to hang out with him and some friends on a random weekend. I politely told him that I was going to NY that weekend (which I was) and that I would not be around. He never spoke of it again, so I assumed it was a dead issue. Which was fine because I was not that into him. Then about 6 weeks ago, he suggested we get a drink sometime. I didn't outright agree, but I think I remember saying, "haha yeah, with my busy travel schedule, maybe sometime." Then it was dropped for like another week. And I never never never gave him my phone number...or any qualifying information that he should take as a sign that I wanted to see him. So, I went to NY for 3 weeks and then returned and went through my gate as usual.

Last Thursday I received an email from said guy saying that he was changing jobs, he was sorry he didn't get to say good-bye, he hoped my elbow was better and oh yeah, we should get a drink sometime and "see what kind of trouble we can get into." Now you maybe wondering, "How the hell did he get my work email address...well you guessed it, he checks my ID every morning...he knows my first and last name...and it's not that hard to figure it out from there. I ignored it. It didn't justify a response. Or so I thought.

Monday I'm driving to base after calling 911...which is a whole other story...and fortuitously enough, I run into the guy. He asks if I got his email and I just looked at him blankly. "What email? Must be these stupid AF filters, stupid Outlook 2007, filtering my emails." And then, and I kid you not, rather than telling me what his stupid email said in the first place, to my face, like a normal human being...he said, "I'll just send it again." Are you kidding me?!

So sure enough, the next day there is another email in my inbox...but this one has the last line changed to, "get a drink and talk." Yeah, talk...right. So I sent him one back that stated, "Well good luck in your new job. And about that drink, well I am seeing someone else and I'm very happy and we've been together since I broke my elbow, yeah that's right 20 minutes of skiing and 4 hours in the ER later, and he still wants to date me...I think he's a keeper." And I was anticipating that being the end of it. But it wasn't.

The next day (yesterday) he sends me back another email. "Well I'm glad you're happy. Maybe you could save my email address or something for when it doesn't work out." By now I was ready to give him the ass chewing of the century. I mean, as my sister will so quickly point out, I may be one bad relationship away from owning 30 cats or hiring a baby mama, but that is not for anyone else to point out. I mean who is he to say whether a relationship that I'm in will or will not succeed. So I showed my buddy Nick this guy's response (because Nick has been keeping up with the drama in my life, it makes him feel better about his own). And Nick just looks at me and says, "What is this guy not getting? You're just not into him." I looked at him and said, "Do you think if I knew the answer to that question I would be bothering you? No I'd be telling Mr. Desperate what's up!"

So today my buddy Nick calls me. That conversation went something like this:

Nick: Yo Shannon, I was thinking about your problem last night. I mean don't ask me why, but I was running and it just popped into my head. I have a theory on this dude.

Me: Yup, what is it?

Nick: So I'm running and I'm thinking to myself, why won't this guy leave her alone? Why is this guy not getting the clue? And then it dawned on me. No guy wants to date a girl he sees for 10 seconds a day and knows nothing about. You have to know more than just a person's name to want to date them. And he doesn't know anything else about you, other than what you look like. My theory is he just wants to get into your pants.

Me: Nick, this is not a news flash.

Nick: Stay with me on this...he won't leave you alone because secretly he thinks he can get you...as almost all guys think about all women they are attracted to. That we can get in their pants. He's hoping that you will be one of these ho girls and either 1. your boyfriend is long distance or 2. that you aren't getting along (since he's never seen you with your beau.) So secretly he's hoping to be the distraction in your relationship. What he doesn't realize is that you are way too smart and loyal for that.

Me: And it took you a 3 mile run to figure that out?

Nick: Well not the entire run.

Me: I could saved you a lot of stress on your joints and told you that in 30 seconds yesterday.

So, I'm hoping this whole issue will die. If any of you all have any suggestions on how I could make it more clear that I'm just not into him (short of totally calling him out on it and being a bitch...I don't need any more confrontational situations)...I'd be glad to hear it.

A couple of weeks ago one of the 8th graders I tutor asked me, out of nowhere, if I was Mormon. I looked at him and said, "Out in the real world that's an offensive question. You don't go around asking people what their religious beliefs are. And for your information that is really none of your business." He quickly apologized while I silently said in my head, "one more broken in to reality!" Those are my small victories out here.

Even Mormon kids have a sense of humor...so a little while ago I was tutoring 3 brothers...3 of 7 mind you. Good Mormon family they are. Anyways these kids were actually pretty cool. As most "normal" teenagers do, they were questioning their families and their religion and being dare I say, a bit rebellious. Well the one brother had broken his hand playing lacrosse, so he had a ton of signatures on the cast. He was pointing them out to me and they were almost all from girls! It was at this point his brother piped up and informed me that he had probably 5 or 6 girlfriends. Broken kid retorted, "I don't like to eat just one kind of candy, I like to eat lots of different kinds of candy." Then his brother said, "Yeah and you know what happens when you eat too much candy...you get sick!" I almost couldn't teach the rest of the hour...I couldn't believe that such good Mormon kids could make a sex joke! It gave me a slight glimmer of hope for the future of this state.

That was until I watched the nightly news. Top news story tonight...Utah's attorney general....nope not caught with a prostitute...apologized to polygamists in this state and promised them that there will not be raids on their way of life in this state. Are you serious?! That is so wrong on so many levels I don't know where to begin. 1. Polygamy is illegal and a drain on an economy. These people procreate like it's their job and then sign up for welfare for the "single" moms. So every year they get millions in taxpayer dollars to support their lifestyle. 2. An attorney general is allowing the law to be broken. What's the point of having an attorney general? 3. Top story on the news tonight is polygamy...are you kidding? Clearly the story on Italy's nuclear waste being exported to Utah (btw that was like the 6th story) was not nearly as important as the story on why 60 year old men can sleep with 14 year olds in this state. Only in Utah. T-16 months and peace out!

My weekend started about 2 hours ago. I love having every other Friday off.

That is all!

2008-05-05T12:23:00.000-06:00

The top story in Utah this morning…

http://www.abc4.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=ebae33d5-2237-44d6-a9fa-fba44198f22d

Those heathen Catholics…how dare they keep their dead members from being baptized into the “one true religion!” And of course watching the report on the news was far more entertaining than simply reading the story. The anchor was very somber and condescending. I laughed. And that line in the article about how the LDSers have their records open…of course you do, because no one’s running around baptizing your dead grandma.

I tell you one thing though…if these crazies out here have a “Death to Vatican” rally like they had a “Death to Israel” rally. I’m out. I’m packing up my little Civic and getting the hell out of dodge.

In other news, PETA is trying to get the jockey that rode the horse that died suspended. What kind of ignorant crap is that? These horses break down because of poor breeding, not because 110 lbs of jockey smacked them with a stick. These horses want to run and are bred to run…most unfortunately they have tiny little legs with lots of muscle on them. If PETA really wants to help society they should stop being hippies and get real jobs. Leave the industry to sort out the mess they have created. Ok, I’ll get off my soapbox now.

Other than that…I’m still in Utah for a few more weeks…then it’s travel time again.

That is all!

2008-04-29T19:23:00.003-06:00

So orthopedic doctors have the biggest racket going on. I sat around for 1.5 hours in an office to meet with a doctor for 5 minutes, only to have him tell me that my elbow is stable and PT isn't needed. I could have told him that...and I didn't pay all that money to go to med school. Oh yeah and he also told me, that feeling you have in your arm when you straighten it...the one where you feel like your bicep is being pulled out at its very root...yeah that's normal...just ignore it. So now instead of having someone with a physical therapy degree inflict pain on me, I get to inflict it on myself. Awesome. I am hoping to go to the driving range, if not this Friday, definitely next Friday...we'll see how that goes.

Otherwise work has been slow...but since I have been gone for what feels like a year, that's probably a good thing.

Back to the grind...ugh.

That is all!

2008-04-27T17:23:00.003-06:00

Cause we don't like them there homo-sexuals (average Utant sentiment)

http://www.abc4.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=a0e1ee7a-c8b4-4bdc-a70c-7366a1a1f226

My favorite section of the story...

"Brandon, who wants to be a professional baseball player someday, loves dance because he says it's the best way to express his feelings. He did however have to convince his parents of this passion four years ago. “Actually more my dad. My dad was kind of like I'm not too sure about you dancing, but then once I told him I'd be dancing with a girl then he was ok with it,” he states."

Note to that kid's father, your son is probably gay...or you have let him spend too much time with his mother...no straight 13 year old boy wants to think about feelings.

In other news, I am sitting in the Cincinnati airport, bored out of my skull. I just walked off the 100th plane since August 2006. That's right in a little over a year and a half I have ridden on 100 planes. I'm not sure that it's that big of an achievement...but I have traveled more in the past year and a half than I did in my entire life.

Mom is doing well. I was home for about a week and a half helping out, so that was good. She's still pretty tired and her back bothers her...but all things considered she is doing remarkably well. Hopefully we won't have to worry about heart stuff for awhile now.

Now it's back to the grind at 6:30am tomorrow morning. It's going to be a long one.

That is all!

2008-04-18T21:12:00.003-06:00

Open Heart Day 8

We got home at 7:15 this evening. This morning we were not even sure she would be released. And let me tell you when they released her, we were out of there so fast, that they didn't even have time to change their minds. When we found out that she was going to be released, I'm sure the guesthouse thought we were robbing someone's room. There was stuff flying into suitcases and drawers being slammed. And we had that car packed up in record time. So then we headed back to the hospital, got Mom and headed for Rite Aid to fill her prescription. She's on Percocet, which is a narcotic, so the prescription could not be filled across state lines. Which means that when she got the prescription in Cleveland, we could not fill it in NY. So we just figured we would run into Rite Aid, and get it taken care of. Well Dad came back out all in a huff because the pharmacist would not fill the Percocet because some old senile cardiologist had written 15, instead of fifteen. So she told us to get a new prescription and then they would fill it. Well we were all pretty annoyed, but then we remembered that there was a pharmacy in the hospital. So we left the one prescription (the one they would fill) at Rite Aid and Dad drove me over to the hospital to try the pharmacy there with the Percocet prescription. I walked in and handed it to the guy and he asked where my mom was (cause it's for her) I told him she was in the car, just got discharged and we were trying to leave. He then gave me some attitude about having all of her information, so I could fill out this stupid card. I just stared at him. And then I said very carefully so as not to lose my temper, "You're telling me that I just ran .25 miles over here, you want me to run back, get her information and then run back here, before you will even attempt to fill this." "Yeah, that's it." Then I said, "Give me the card, can I fill it out for her?" Well this seemed to be ok, so I started filling out the card, which was all things like address, birthday, do you need counseling with this prescription. Finally, he seemed satisfied enough and then told me it would be a half an hour. Are you kidding me??? You are throwing 15 Percocet in a bottle. A half an hour?! So I ran back to the parents, told them and they headed back to Rite Aid to pick up the other prescription and I went back to the hospital pharmacy. When Dad got back over to Rite Aid, they asked where the Percocet prescription was, he told them he took his business elsewhere, but that he was there to pick up the other prescription. The pharmacist then informed him that it was going to be 2 hours. I think he almost blew up at them. He then informed them that he had an open heart surgery patient in the car, ready to leave and he didn't have 2 hours. They were nicer after that and filled the prescription rather quickly. They came back, picked me up and we were on our way.

We didn't want to start calling everyone, because we weren't sure it was going happen and that once we got on the road, we weren't sure we would make it all the way home tonight.

My mom is very tired and needs to rest a lot for the next couple of days. This is not to be mean or discourage anyone from visiting...but please call my cell (315)263-6264 before you would like to visit. Also, don't be offended if I tell you not to show up. She'll be around for awhile, you'll all have your chance to visit.

Thank you

The Management

2008-04-17T10:59:00.001-06:00

Open Heart Day 7

So she is getting up and moving more without the oxygen. But she is still short of breath after she walks. She has a lot of fluid retention, and I don't think she'll get to go anywhere until that subsides. Still no word on when we are going to get released.

2008-04-16T13:39:00.002-06:00

Open Heart Day 6

So they took her for an echo this afternoon...very routine. However, she waited downstairs in a freaking wheelchair for almost 2 hours until they could get her in. As a result she is way tired and her feet are really swollen because she couldn't elevate them or get up and walk around. Her nurse seemed really annoyed that they would do that to one of his patients...so we'll see what happens.

2008-04-16T09:34:00.002-06:00

Open Heart Day 6

The pacer wires came out this morning and she is trying to ween off the oxygen. Still no official word on when she will be released.

2008-04-15T12:32:00.002-06:00

Open Heart Day 5

So my entries are becoming pretty stagnant. Mom still looks tired but she is doing a little better than yesterday. Still no word on when we get to go home. I feel like I have been here 10 million years already.

2008-04-14T16:13:00.002-06:00

Evening Update

I spent most of the day with Mom and she's doing ok. Her heart is slightly arrhythmic but this is to be expected. She's very tired still, but she hasn't slept much today and she has had a lot of excitement. My uncle and my grandfather are here now. She is up and walking around a little bit but is getting winded easily. I think we are all going to call it an early night.

2008-04-14T12:29:00.002-06:00

Open heart update Day 4

So I went to class today. I kid you not I had to go to class this morning. This morning's lecture was on incision care and how to take care of the patient. Dad and I took some notes and then it was back upstairs to see Mom. She had a pretty busy filled morning...they had her up and walking around, they took her downstairs for a CAT scan and of course she had lots of visitors. She looked pretty wiped out when lunch time rolled along. However, we made her eat at least a little bit of her food and she perked up and looked much better. Then she got a 15 minute powernap before another nurse came in to give her some more medicine. She said she hasn't been in pain, but she is taking pain medicine every 4 hours to keep ahead of it.

I found out that I have wireless access in her room. So me, my computer and 2 venti vanilla lattes are hunkered down. All is well.

2008-04-13T18:37:00.003-06:00

Evening Update Day 3

So around 12:30 today we received a phone call from my mom's ICU nurse that she was being moved up to the regular floor. My dad and I headed over to see where she was before the relatives arrived.

Around 1:30 all the cousins and aunts and my sister Katherine (she made me write that) showed up. We unloaded their stuff and then headed to the hospital. We had figured that we would do shifts of 2-3 people at a time and the rest of us would sit in the lounge. As my dad, my Aunt Kathie, my cousin Mandi and I were sitting in the lounge we heard a siren going off. It sounded like it was in the other hall so we weren't worried. Then there was an announcement on the loudspeaker, "Code blue, G 101 Bed 13." I looked at Dad and I said, "That's Mom's bed." We jumped up and started running down the hall when this nurse "Heismaned" us and told us it wasn't a patient, it was a family member. So we started to walk away and then it dawned on us that it was our family member. My aunt, who was hospitalized 2 days ago (totally different story), wanted to go check it out. And I was all...umm let's send the guy that didn't get hospitalized. So my dad went to check it out and we realized it was my cousin. She had totally hit the deck. Meanwhile her story was that she had turned to my aunt and said, "I feel dizzy, I think I'm going down." My aunt quickly yelled for my sis and the two of them caught my cousin. They lowered her to the ground and then the white coats started running. It was at this time they called for the Code Blue because they couldn't find a pulse on her. Then and here's the ironic part, one of the doctors asked her if she had a family history of heart problems. WE ARE VISITING SOMEONE ON THE CARDIOTHORAIC WARD. Yes, I think there's a history of heart problems. So, my aunt comes out and collects me, because they need an escort, and I spent 2 hours in the ER, for the 2nd time in 8 days. For the record, once we spring my mom from this joint I don't want to step foot in a hospital for a very very long time. It turns out that my cousin was fine, they think it was just a reaction to not eating and being too warm.

The rest of the night was pretty low key but my mom looked so tired. But it's to be expected, she had a lot of activity today, more than she has had in the past few days.

2008-04-13T08:47:00.002-06:00

Open heart Day 3

So I didn't post an update last night because I got kidnapped. My friend Carolynn made me go out and get away from the hospital. And I'll admit I was completely exhausted, but I had fun. My dad went to see my mom and he said she looked better.

We went in this morning and she ate some bran flakes. Her blood pressure was a little bit higher, her pulse was steady and she said the only thing she was on for pain was percocet.

They had her sitting in a chair and she said that she wasn't in pain and the only complaint she had was that she was a little weaker than she would have liked.

The nurse told us that she has put in for a bed for her on the regular floor. So we are hoping by tonight to have her out of ICU.

She's looking much better!

2008-04-12T14:03:00.002-06:00

Afternoon Update!

So we went in around 2 this afternoon and Mom looked so much better. They had removed the chest tubes and the heart tubes, which were major annoyances to her. So that made her feel better. She still has her IVs but that's pretty standard. Her pulse was holding steady at around 70. Which was much better than the fluctuation she was having earlier in the day. They have her on some pain medicine, so she isn't in too much pain. She's eating ice chips and not experiencing any more nausea...so that's all very positive. Her blood pressure was sort of low, but they are weening her off the bp medication, so that's to be expected. If she keeps making this kind of progress, she'll probably be able to leave ICU in the morning. So far, so good!!

2008-04-12T08:16:00.002-06:00

Open heart day 2

So this morning I drug my sorry butt out of bed at 6:15...trust me I feel like I could have slept all day. Dad and I went and got breakfast and around 8 we went in to see Mom. When we got there we were informed they want to keep her in ICU another night. We were told it was because her blood pressure is still too low. However, it is significantly higher than it was yesterday. As Dad and I were standing there though, we were watching her heart rate (which she can't see) we noticed that her readings were like 55,55,55,55,48,43,55,55,45. So I think they want to monitor the heart rate for another day. What they don't understand is that low readings like that were completely normal for her pre-surgery. So we aren't terribly worried and another day of constant monitoring might not be such a bad thing.

She was definitely awake this morning and not falling asleep on us at all. She said she didn't sleep much last night, more just dozing. She keeps complaining about the drainage tube in her chest, but they can't take that out until she leaves ICU (so this is all very normal). Her respiratory therapist was in this morning and checked her lung function. (For those who don't understand why they are so worried about lung function: when they put her under and started this process she went on a heart and lung machine that did her breathing and beating for her, this means that her lungs were completely deflated during surgery. They want to make sure that her lungs are now completely reinflated and that there is no fluid in there). Her therapist had her breathing in a tube with a little ball, while she was listening to her lungs and she said that everything looks exceptionally good. So that's a relief.

We left around 9:30 and we are going back in again this afternoon.

2008-04-11T15:58:00.005-06:00

Open heart updates (sorry if this is scattered and brief...I'll add color commentary later, I just don't want people wondering or getting antsy...feel free to pass around...if you have any questions, post 'em and I'll try to answer them)

So, my mom went in this morning for open heart surgery. She had to have her valved "tweaked", her aneurysm grafted and the hole in her heart repaired. We had to be at Cleveland Clinic at 5:15 this morning. We left her at 8am and the desk attendant told us that she would be in prep for at least 2 hours. They gave us a pager and told us that we would get a page when she went on "bypass", which basically means life support but they don't want to scare you. Well we got that text at 10:24. Then we were put in this ICU class and told what to expect when we got to see Mom in ICU. At 11:24 the surgeon called Dad out of the class and said that surgery had gone well, but that the hole in the heart was pretty sizeable, but fixed. This led us to believe that it was larger than he had originally anticipated. We were told that we couldn't see her for 3-4 hours. In hindsight, the whole surgery anxiety was much less than I had anticipated. I feel this was due to the excellent information we got from the staff here at the clinic. They kept us well informed of what to expect and they made sure we didn't have a whole ton of time once we knew she was in surgery to sit around and wait for news.

So since we had 3-4 hours to kill we had lunch with Carolynn at possibly the most skankiest restaurant I have ever been to in my life. It was a Pizza Hut, but I'm pretty sure it was a front for a drug ring. Oh yeah and it was in the ghetto. Oh yeah and we were the only crackers around. Our check arrived before our food and we had no napkins or silverware...we barely got plates. All I could think was that all my immunizations including my hepatitis were up to date...so I should be ok. It added to the whole experience.

At 3:30ish we arrived at ICU. I'm not going to lie, walking over to ICU was one of the most nerve wracking things I have done in my life. I kept trying to breathe deep but I was in a full body cold sweat. I knew mostly what I would see, but I wasn't sure I was ready to see it. When we arrived she wasn't quite ready to be seen yet, so we had to wait. While we were waiting there was this woman who was waiting wearing a shirt that said, "All stressed out and no one to choke." As we were talking to her we realized she is going on week 14 in ICU. Week 14? In ICU?! I couldn't imagine how difficult that would be. And we thought we had it bad! Around 4 we finally got to see her and she looked as good as one could in ICU. She still had the ventilator in and in true "her" fashion she tried to lift her hand to remove it while we were there. The nurse said that she was doing well and that she should have the ventilator out by this evening and that she should be moved out of ICU by tomorrow morning if things continue the way they are. The only thing they are really concerned about right now is that her blood pressure is running on the low side, which is normal for her (but not what they want to see.) After 20 minutes we were kicked out of ICU. When I say kicked out, I mean the head nurse came around and said, "How long have you been here? Too long. Out." I guess they try to keep the first visit short because the patient needs rest and they still have a lot of stuff to do.

We had a couple more hours to kill, so we came back to the hotel. Dad crashed and I caught up on some emails and phone calls. Then it was dinner time and back to ICU.

This time the ventilator was out...which was definitely a good thing. Mom was talking but she sounds pretty hoarse. She was complaining of pain from the tubes in her...but this is all very normal. She finally got to eat some ice chips, but then was nauseous, so I guess they try again later. They are still monitoring her blood pressure which continues to be low. The nurse that is staying with her tonight said that if she gets the blood pressure up, she leaves ICU tomorrow earlier in the day. If she doesn't get the blood pressure up, she'll have to stay there for awhile longer. She seemed very tired, which is to be expected so we left early.

I plan on continuing to update this post, hopefully twice a day...but we'll see how that goes. The only place that I can get internet is the lobby of the hotel...so updates maybe less frequent than I would like. But for now, I'm going to go upstairs and crash.

2008-04-11T15:51:00.003-06:00

A Broken Girl in Utah

In order to fully explain the story behind this post, I need to talk about something I never talk about. Relationships. I have had some good ones in the past year and a half and I’ve had my share of horrible ones…including bad first dates. And I never once posted about any of these occurrences. Partly to protect the parties involved, but mostly because I didn’t want to explain to everyone why I was single, or what happened to that guy that I mentioned. I just didn’t need that. However, in order to explain the title of this post, I’m going to have to break that rule. I don’t even want to use the guy’s name (mostly because he doesn't even know he is the subject of this post)…but I need to, because I’m not going to keep referring to him as that guy that came to see me. So, I’ll begin.

The circumstances under which I met Zach, or why we started talking at all are completely irrelevant to this posting…so I’ll skip it. If you want to know, inquire. If not, it may possibly become the topic of a future blog…if I feel it relevant. Basically, all you need to know to understand this story is that I have spent a small amount of time with him and he is coming to visit Utah…well me I guess really, but I live in Utah…so he is visiting Utah. I’m thinking there is hopefully going to be a connection with him or something, so I’m going to do my best to impress! I had cleaned the entire apartment, planned a list of activities and I was ready to go!

Friday we had decided to go skiing/boarding. I was extremely excited about the prospect because any time I can hit the slopes is awesome…and doing it with a friend…even better. Well, the 3rd run of the day (about 20 minutes in) I tell him that he should ski ahead of me. I was totally paranoid about him getting hurt while he was in Utah because he had some training to go to in 2 weeks and he had to be in good physical condition to go. I kept telling him to take things at a slow pace and that I would be behind him if he fell. Well about 100 yards down that run, I went to rock back on my toe edge and I lost it. I reached back with my right arm and I totally bit it. Hard. My head hit the snow pretty hard, my goggles flew off and I just remember feeling pain. I collected my goggles, removed my gloves (stupid in hindsight), and just anticipated shaking it off. I went to push off with my arms when I realized that I could no longer move my right arm. My brain was telling it to move…but it wasn’t budging. I then took my left hand and placed it on my right elbow and immediately knew what the problem was. The point of my elbow was about 2 inches to the south of where it should be. I knew right then that there was no shaking off that injury. So I sat there and contemplated throwing up in the snow…that’s how much pain I was in. Then I realized that I couldn’t puke because just as I did, Zach would probably find me…and that’s no way to impress someone. I mean honestly, who am I? Stan from South Park? So I tried to find my center and breathe calmly. I knew that someone would come down that run, and more importantly I knew that Zach would find me eventually….however, I also knew that it would take awhile for him to do so, since he didn’t even know I was hurt. So I removed my board and waited.

Finally some skiers came flying down the hill. And they were moving. And they never stopped. Finally I grabbed the attention of a fellow snowboarder and told him to get ski patrol. (Meanwhile, Zach told me that when he realized I was gone, he waited for me for quite awhile on the trail, tried shouting for me, then realized that he should ski to the bottom and wait there. As the skiers came down they told him I was fine and I was sitting down. Then the snowboarder came down and had them radio for ski patrol saying that there was a girl that was badly hurt and he didn’t know what it was…but she couldn’t get up.) Meanwhile, I’m sitting on the hill shaking so hard I couldn’t stop. I think this was partly shock and partly cold. I was in windpants and under armor bottoms and my jacket was half unzipped because it was warm out. Unfortunately I landed in the shade and I couldn’t zip my jacket up with my left hand. I also couldn’t get my glove back on the right hand…so I was worried about frostbite. I was trying not to throw up and then practically hyperventilating so then I was trying not to pass out. After about 25 minutes ski patrol showed up. He immediately put his jacket around me and took my pulse. Then he radioed for a toboggan and put a sling on me. The toboggan was attached to a snowmobile and I had to lie almost completely flat while they strapped me in. The paramedics had decided that they were going to put oxygen on me because I was feeling very dizzy. It was as they were inserting the nose tube on me that Zach showed up. He looked all worried and said, “Oh my god, are you ok?” I just looked at him and said, “Nope, I’m going to die.” Then I cracked a smile. He asked if they had given me any pain killers yet. I told him no, and then he asked how I was still smiling. What he didn’t know was that I was trying so hard not to look like a big whiner. So they finished putting tying me in and the snowmobile took off for the first aid station. That was the longest snowmobile ride of my life. The paramedic said it would take 5 minutes, it felt like 5 hours. My arm wasn’t hurting as much as I anticipated, but the snow was flying in my face and I was concerned that perhaps my face would freeze in the position it was in. They dropped me off at ski patrol and walked me inside. Once inside I was informed that if I wanted to keep my jacket, I was going to have to remove it there. Apparently, if I went to the hospital with a jacket on, they were going to cut it off. So we carefully removed the jacket. However, the under armor shirt I was wearing was not going to be as lucky. I wasn’t so mad about the fact that they were going to cut the under armor, I was mad that I would have to wear a stupid hospital smock home. Honestly, those things don’t cover anything and I was not wearing my best sports bra that day. So Zach finally got to the ski lodge, pulled the car around and we were off to the emergency room.

I felt every bump and turn in the road all the way from the top of mountain down to the emergency room. I was trying so hard to be tough but all I wanted to do was to puke or pass out…maybe both. Plus someone else was driving my car, and no one drives my car, so I was having all sorts of control anxiety as well. I tried to keep things light by apologizing profusely for ruining the day and how I felt so terrible. Zach didn’t seem to mind and he even made a comment about what a good story this was going to be after the fact. After what felt like 3 years and 345,586 bumps in the road we made it to McKay Dee Hospital. Zach was helping me carefully take off the seatbelt…but he’s kind of ADD. I multi-task. When you put an ADDer with a multi-tasker bad things will happen. As the seatbelt is almost half off, I remind him to grab my purse in the back so I can get my insurance card. Which causes him to reach in the back and forget about the seatbelt, which hit my fingers, which made me scream loudly, “F*ck!” Then I immediately started apologizing profusely for yelling and swearing at him. What a way to impress.

So I get into the hospital and check in and tried to sit down, but I hit my fingers on the chair which caused me to say very loudly, “Shhhhhiiiiiiit.” This very condescending Mormon lady then looks at me with her 12 year old son sitting next to her and said, “ouch?” And I wanted to get up right then and dislocate her elbow and see what she said then. I was quickly moved into a room after that.

In the room there was a whole lot of waiting. I got taken out for X-rays and they were excruciating. And the sweet Mormon technician who looked like she was 12, but married, kept trying to get me to move my arm in different angles. I just wanted to yell at her and tell her that it was broken, can’t you see where the point of my elbow is?, that’s not normal…and no I can’t kneel on the floor…I can’t even get my legs to stop shaking. Then it was back to the room for more waiting. During this time they gave me 2 shots of morphine and I must say I am not impressed. After 2 shots of morphine I still felt every little bit of pain, there was not even an edge taken off and I didn’t even act silly. Finally, the doctor came back in and informed me that there were 3 snowboarders today who dislocated various joints and that one doctor was going to come in and much like an assembly line, pop in each one. The catch was that I had to be sedated. I was scared by that, and I don’t know why. But it was really the only option because I definitely did not to be awake when they popped that back in. When the doctor came in I looked at him incredulously and said, “You’re the doctor?” Yeah, he was totally in jeans and a flannel and looked more like a vet than a human doctor. He took it good naturedly enough and we were in business. They gave me the sedation and the rest I know only because I was informed when I woke up. Apparently after they had started the sedation, they started asking me questions. I kept saying, “I can see you, I can see nurses and doctors, I can see you.” So they kept giving me more drugs. Well then I think I passed out, like completely. The doctor then went about setting my elbow in place and taking x-rays to make sure it was in the right spot. They worked the arm a little bit and popped it right back in. It was at this point that my eyes flew open, I sat up in bed and had a few choice expressions. Then I apparently passed back out again, my pulse dropped below 50 (couldn’t tell exactly because 50 was as low as it goes) and my oxygen dropped below 72. The nurses then tried to wake me up and kept telling me to take deep breaths. One nurse said, “Shannon, you need to wake up now.” And I told her, “No, I’m having a dream. She then asked, “What’s your dream?”. And I told her, “That’s privileged information.” Even under sedation I don’t give up secrets! The next thing I remember is some nurse telling me that I needed to take a deep breath right now. I did and then looked to my left. Zach was still sitting there but he looked a bit worried. I asked if my elbow grossed him out…apparently it didn’t. So that was good.

So the rest of the weekend was spent doing a whole lot of nothing and getting waited on, which was pretty nice. On Monday I had to drive Zach to the airport. I was so worried about how I had ruined the weekend, but I think we are only just beginning...so it wasn't all bad. Plus I think he liked being the "knight in shining armor." (Author's side note: things went really well...can't wait to see him soon.)

On Tuesday I got my splint off. Below are pictures are of my elbow. (The following images are graphic and not for the weak stomached).

2008-03-29T21:05:00.002-06:00

Another update

Tonight I successfully made beef stroganoff. I can now add that to my short repertoire of dishes I can actually make. I am very excited about this...because I don't have an extensive list...mainly because I don't attempt new dishes very often. Perhaps I should try new stuff more often...although that would make me kinda domestic. I don't know how I feel about that. However, if anyone has an awesome recipe I could try, feel free to suggest it.

So this past week was rather hectic! Apparently the AF had another faux pas...surprise, surprise. This time we sent some nose cones to Taiwan. For those of you who aren't all up on your ICBMs...the nose cone is the pointy end. But rest assured there was no nuclear material in that nose cone...thankfully for the security of the nation, the AF doesn't own the nuclear package, someone else does. So no bombs went to Taiwan. Of course this led our leadership to have a very long meeting where we all had to sit there and listen to them tell us how they don't know how it happened, won't know for a very long time, and we should be prepared for a ridiculous workload in the near future. Awesome. I probably will not be affected. I was not working at Hill when the stuff was shipped and I am only an intern. No one cares about interns unless they are having sex with someone.

It keeps snowing here. Of course this means that the temptation to go snowboarding is really great. I know I should be staying in and getting my spring cleaning done (I have company coming next weekend). But it's so hard to clean when there is fresh snow in the mountains. I spent most of Friday on the black diamonds...good times!

We had a band concert on Wednesday. It was supposed to be a joint concert with a local high school, except the local high school didn't show up. So we added a few more Sousa marches to our list and played anyways. I think there was a total of 25 people in the audience. It was pretty lame...but I still enjoy playing my horn...even if it's only for 1 person.

So I went to the dentist last week. This isn't really noteworthy except this was the first time I had gone to any dentist other than the one I have been going to for 24 years. Again, not totally noteworthy. However, they asked where I was from, what I was doing in Utah...yadda yadda. When they found out I was from NY it was like I was another species that they wanted to investigate. I was bombarded by questions from the hygentists on what NY was like and I explained it was upstate...not near the city. But they continued to bombard me with questions anyways. I just wanted to say, "Listen...get the hell out of Utah and go experience NY...then you can stop making me feel dumber for having talked to you."

April is going to be insane!

That is all!

2008-03-22T21:30:00.002-06:00

More craziness!

So this past week I went to Clearwater again. And I have been to Clearwater a number of times...and every time we go, we always go out to a bar somewhere. Because let's be honest, when you get done with meetings at 4 and then get dinner, it's only like 7...and who wants to go to bed that early? However, after all the random incidents I have had while out drinking in Clearwater, I should have learned by now...go to bed at 7! This time I got hit on by an Irish lesbian (oh you're adorable love) and I was told by some random guy that I was the whitest person he has ever seen. Ok, let's be honest...I live in Utah. I haven't worn short sleeves since October and I won't get to wear them for another month, and I'm a little bit Irish...of course I'm going to be a little pasty. Other than that I didn't get to enjoy the nice weather because I was stuck in meetings the whole time. Damn engineers...I wish they would know when to shut up.

So I flew home Thursday and I landed in the middle of Salt Lake rush hour. Which is like the special olympics of all rush hours. The freeway here is much worse than 495 coming out of DC into NoVA during rush hour...and I should know...I drove both. So anyways, I'm sitting in traffic doing 6 miles an hour...at one point it got down to 3. I'm not even exaggerating...on I-15...which is like 81 if you are from CNY, or 90 if you are from anywhere in the northeast. 6 miles an hour. And so it took me an hour and 15 minutes to get home...it should have taken me 25. What was bogging the highway down so much? A car that had broken down...but the car was not in the northbound lane where I was driving...oh no...it was in the southbound lane. Oh and there was a cop assisting this broken down person. So because there was a cop on the opposite side of the road...out of his vehicle (so he couldn't easily stop anyone for anything) everyone slams on their brakes and rubbernecks. This is why it is imperative that I leave this state, hopefully before I become stupid like all these people.

So I went boarding again today. The snow kind of sucks now. It's the equivalent of boarding through italian ice...that's the consistency. However, it hurts a lot if you should happen to fall. Which increases the suck factor. The day was going along fairly well until I got ramrodded by one of the Utah urchins that I speak so highly of. So I'm sitting on the ground tightening my toe strap...and next thing I know...bam...there is a searing pain in my left forearm. Then I heard, "oh i just lost control, are you ok?" And I wanted to scream back, "No I am not ok you crazy urchin, I think I just broke my forearm...which is tragic because I have a concert to play this week." However, I just said, "I think I'm ok." Then the mormon rugrat jumped up and boarded off. I checked to make sure I wasn't bleeding (I did get hit with the blade edge of a snowboard) and decided that I should probably call it an early day, because I do have to play a concert this week and I can't be doing something stupid...like breaking an arm. For all who care, it's not broken...it's just extremely sore and bruised...it could have been much worse.

Other than that, just the usual routine. I think I get to be in Utah for a full 2 week period! On a happier note I'm almost a preferred client on United...although when I do become a preferred client...which should be in June...I don't know that I get anything really special. Maybe another free ticket...that would be good.

That is all!

2008-03-16T21:17:00.003-06:00

Travel season has begun!

So this past week I flew into DC, drove to the Cuse and then back to DC. I had a blast!

I flew into DC during rush hour on Thursday and I made it to Cuse by 11. Doing 81 on 81 was a good decision...but not one I would recommend every day. Friday was spent wedding dress shopping with my cous! We found her the perfect dress and she is going to be the most beautiful bride!! The rest of the weekend just flew by and then it was time for me to drive back to DC.

I was in DC to take a class at Ft Belvoir. The army has a lot they can learn from the air force. 1. It's not cool to make your residents share bathrooms. Yes, that's right I had to share a bathroom in my hotel room. 2. Don't make people pay for internet. I mean how ridiculous is this...my government organization pays another government organization for my stay...the government paying the government...weird.

I had a fantastic time despite the shoddy quarters. I would leave the hotel at 7am and return roughly around midnight. Class was fine...but after class I went into the city every day!!! I had dinners, networked, walked the mall with an old friend and just had a fantastic time in my city! 18 more months and I can be back there!!! I also got my picture taken with Stephen Colbert's portrait at the Smithsonian. If you do not know what I am talking about...you're not cool.

I tried to get an earlier flight on Saturday because I didn't want to get into SLC too late...but alas there were no earlier flights available. So, I actually got to do something new in DC. I went and walked around Arlington Cemetery! It truly is a must see if you've never seen it. I can't believe I spent a whole semester in DC and I never saw it. That's another thing I love about DC...I always seem to find something new to do there. I saw the National Portrait Gallery and Arlington Cemetery for the first time on this trip.

All in all a wonderful trip...of course any time I can get the government to pick up the tab for me to go to DC...it's a good time.

So it was back to Salt Lake for a second and then off to Florida for a week. My job isn't all bad.

That is all!

2008-03-01T23:15:00.003-07:00

Where did February go? Seriously can someone answer me that?

I haven't updated this thing in almost a month...probably because I have been too busy living. Which I'm not complaining about one bit. For anyone that knows me, February of last year was not a good time for me. I was not in a good place in my life. As my father told me, "I needed to find my happy place." And I totally could not. This is year is a total 180 from that. Almost all of the reasons I was miserable last year are no longer in my life. I say almost, because there are still mormons in Utah...but I don't really see much of them anymore. Plus I have been fortunate enough to do so many cool things, that I can't help but be in a happy place.

1. I have learned to snowboard. If I had not moved to Utah I probably would not have picked up boarding. I never boarded in NY and if I had moved to DC like I planned, I definitely would not have done it there. However, I am glad that I have learned to snowboard...it's just one more hobby that I found I enjoy...quite a lot actually. That is of course after I got over my frustration. It did take quite a few hours, but I am almost proficient now. I completed my first black diamond run successfully the other day. This was followed by my first black diamond spill/slide 50 ft. No kidding, my second trip I totally bit it and then proceeded to free fall down said mountain. Luckily I dug my board in...so I didn't go all the way to the bottom. But worry not readers, I wear a helmet...so I will not crack open my head, I may break every bone in my body...but the head is safe.

2. I have so much travel to look forward to. I get to go to DC next week!!!!! I'm way excited. Of course I am making a side trip to Cuse the weekend before for a certain 21 birthday and some bonding time with my wonderful bride-to-be cousin Mandi. Totally excited! After that I have 24 hours in Utah before flying down to Florida again. Then it's back to Utah for a bit...then there's a trip to Boston and then to Clearwater in May, Eglin AFB in June (hopefully), back to DC, Ohio (hopefully), Chicago and then it's July. Just for the record I am hoping for elite status on United by June...we'll if I get there.

3. I went to Vegas at the beginning of the month. Yes, I finally went to Sin City after being here for almost a year and a half. And it turns out that what happens in Vegas...doesn't quite stay in Vegas...there are always the pictures that follow you home. And yes, I got the full Vegas experience. I won't go into anymore details than that to protect the innocent. It was a crazy cool trip though and if you want to see pics...go to my webshots site.

4. I experienced sheer intimidation last week. I was in a metal basket no wider than 3 feet across, with a very large man, dangling over a 100 ft black hole, with my nose touching a 60 ft Minuteman III ICBM. I kid you not. I got a cage ride...which is where they put you in said metal basket and lower you down the hole to different parts of the missile. This is not for the claustrophobic...it's tight quarters in there. I got to touch a missile. Ok, I'm done. There were some pictures taken and as soon as I get them, I'll post them. That was totally my highlight at FE Warren. For those of you that don't know...FE Warren is in Cheyenne, WY...there really isn't a whole lot going on there...they don't even have mountains to board in. So when I think Utah's getting to me, I just have to remind myself...I could live in Cheyenne. The base itself was really pretty though, all historic and whatnot. For you history buffs it used to be an army base and General Pershing lived there before he was General Pershing...and the only reason he became a general was because of his senator father-in-law...it's a complicated story...if you want to know the rest...ask.

5. There are some cool people in Utah. I have some really great friends that make sure that I get out of my cave and be social. These are the people that text me on Friday night and ask where I am and how long will it be until I get my lame ass out. Or why I am even considering not going to Vegas, this should clearly not even be an option. Of course I'm going to Vegas and they are going to drag me there. These are the people that are like my big brothers and sisters watching out for me and hooking me up with dates so they can live vicariously through me. I am really fortunate to have had the opportunity to move somewhere where I knew no one and make such good friends that they feel like family. And this is not the first time I had to do this in Utah. I had my Utah family the first year I was here. Then they all moved on me in November. So I had to find a new family...and I did. And I am very fortunate to have been able to do that for a second time.

So time is flying...I'm in a happier place.

That is all.

2008-02-03T17:12:00.001-07:00

So it's snowing like a bastard here...

What does that expression mean anyways? How can it snow like a child out of wedlock? Anywho, there is a lot of snow here right now, which totally bums me out, because now I can't go snowboarding. I know you are thinking in your head, snow should be good for snowboarding. Well not when you drive a little Civic and have to climb 4,000 feet. I drove half way to the resort today and realized I didn't want to die...so I turned around and went home. It's not all bad though because I spent about 4 hours there yesterday.

I just got back from another trip to Florida. It was ok except I got the plague. I was coughing and feverish for most of the trip...so that sucked. Florida was warm though, so can't complain about that.

My apartment complex is so ghetto. My toilet was leaking so I wanted maintenance to come fix it. It should have been no big deal. Take the tank off, replace the gasket, good to go. Well the toilet screws were so old and rusted the maintenance guy had to cut one of them off with a saw. If it was just a regular hack saw this probably would have gone better, but the guy returns with one of those crazy sawzalls. He then blindly, with the tank in one hand and the sawzall in the other, starts cutting anything that was in his way under my tank. I even offered to hold the tank so he could get a good visual, but he wouldn't hear of it. So 5 minutes later he realizes that he has sliced the screw and basically anything else that was under the tank...including the water line. Of course I didn't notice the water line leak until an hour after he left. So I had to call them back the next day and have them fix that too. Then I returned home after that got fixed and my apartment reeked of cat urine. And it wasn't my kitties...and I know this for 2 reasons 1. that was definitely male urine spray smell 2. it was coming from my heating ducts, so unless my cats are spider cats that can climb walls and pee on my ceiling...it's not them. So I went online to find a cure for heating vents that smell like cat urine and then I find out that meth labs smell like that...and if people are making drugs in your building your ducts can smell like that. So me being my never overreacting self, then spent 3 hours debating whether or not I should call the cops on my neighbors who may or may not be making meth or just have a cat with a bladder problem. Currently my apartment smells like homemade pizza and apple pie...so I'm just going to wait until tomorrow and tell the complex owners if I smell it again.

Let's see...what else...right now I am watching the Super Bowl...and the only commercial I have liked so far is the Clydesdale horse training to the Rocky soundtrack (big shocker there!). However, if you have the chance, go online and check out that GoDaddy.com Danica Patrick exposure commercial. It is one of the funniest commercials I have seen in awhile!

Next weekend I hit up Vegas for the first time ever! I'm excited!!

That is all!

2008-01-26T22:40:00.000-07:00

Pretty awesome weekend so far...

Friday I went to Sundance again with some peeps. We waitlisted tickets, which means we stood in line and got a number and then came back right before the movie to see if we would get in. And we did!! It was Marianna Palka and Jason Ritter's film, and it was awesome!!! They were both there to answer questions afterwards...Sundance is awesome!! So good dinner, good company and a good movie.

Saturday I went boarding again. I guess that's one advantage of not having a family, you can go boarding whenever you feel like it. Wolf Mountain has gotten so much snow since I was there last. The boarding was good. I fell quite a bit and my left knee is a shade of red/purple that I have never seen before because of it. But I had a good time. However, going to a ski resort in Utah on Saturday reminds you why you should never go to a ski resort in Utah on a Saturday. It wasn't incredibly packed, but there were mass amounts of undisciplined urchins running around and knocking me over, or getting in my path, so I had to bite it instead of running the urchin over. Then there was this little 6 year old that I almost took out. I helped him up and he was my little shadow for the next 2 hours (with no sign of parental units around). Then all of a sudden his parents show up and seem real concerned and made me feel like a pervert. And I'm all...dude I don't want your kid following me, but he is and I'm just being polite by answering his questions, and no he's not being a bother...oh wait, I'm being polite again. What I really wanted to tell his mother was, "Listen lady, if I really wanted to kidnap your son I had plenty of opportunity to do it while you were not around because you have so many children you are trying to get a moment of peace. Get on some birth control, stop having so many damn kids and be a freaking mother." I mean honestly...who leaves a 6 year old unattended at a ski resort.

Anyways, by the time I left 5.5 hours after I got there...I was doing fairly well. Well much better than I was 5.5 hours previous. As I started practicing I was thinking in my head, "I am way too old to be learning this mess. I can't even stand up and all these little urchins are speeding by me. Maybe I should just pack it in and say forget about it." I guess this stems from the fact that I have never not been good (or at least proficient) at something I really wanted to do. Riding horses, came fairly easy to me...I had my spills, but overall I was a proficient rider. Music, came way easy to me...I don't even remember really struggling to play horn and half the time I wouldn't practice. School, easy. I really suck at running, but I hate running. I was talking to one of my friends this past week and he said, "Why are you learning snowboarding first? That's much harder initially to learn than skiing. Well I guess it's trendy." And my response to him was, "1. I really like my crucial ligaments intact...and if I ski I feel like that won't be the case. 2. The first time I went boarding I was so infuriated by my lack of skill and the number of times I fell, I'm just going to keep doing it until I get it. So it's not like I'm trying to be cool (we all know that isn't the case), I'm just really stubborn." So I guess that's a good attitude to have. And I have seen a small bit of improvement from the last time I went boarding...so that makes me feel a little better.

I wanted to go again tomorrow, but there is going to be another Utah storm, which means I am going to spend most of the day laying low and off the streets, due to the fact that people can't drive around here, add snow...it's a nightmare. And it looks like I will have another horrendous drive to the airport on Monday because it's supposed to drop snow on us all day tomorrow and most of the day on Monday, which is going to lead to about 344 crashes. I'm calling it right now...and I'll check online Monday night...that's about our average number of crashes for a storm. Oh yeah, and I'm going to Florida...so you can all start feeling bad for me now.

That is all!

2008-01-23T11:24:00.001-07:00

Sundance Film Festival = Awesome

So I decided to head up to the Sundance Film Festival on Sunday night. I had tickets to a German film with English subtitles, so I was pretty excited. I didn’t really care all that much about seeing famous people, so I went up in the evening. Everyone was all a buzz about how Paris Hilton was going to be gracing the club scene with her presence. I really didn’t care about that and figured if I saw Paris Hilton, I’d probably want to punch her right in the face…so it was probably best that I didn’t see her. (Although I do think I saw Bruce Willis riding in an Escalade.)

So after much driving in circles to find a parking spot where I wouldn’t have to pay a. $15 or b. get towed, I headed up to main street to check out the scene. The whole atmosphere was like a different world. Everyone was an aspiring actor or director and they were all so friendly. Everyone was talking to everyone. I met people from NY, Boston and LA…and heard all of their stories and had a blast!!!

The movie was fantastic. I saw Die Welle (The Wave), which was about a social studies teacher that conducts a social experiment on his class. The kids think that a Nazi Germany could never happen again…and he proves them wrong. It was a very dramatic, suspenseful film, but it was so good! (This experiment really was conducted in real life, but it wasn’t in Germany but Palo Alto, CA…and the teacher got fired.) I even caught a good chunk of the German in the movie as I was reading the subtitles, and I was thinking during certain parts…ehhh that’s not exactly what he said, or the German way of saying that was so much better. So it was cool that I was able to brush up on some German. Then at the end of the movie the director, composer, a handful of the actors and the actual teacher from Palo Alto stood up in the front of the auditorium and answered questions. Apparently, Sundance is known for this Q &A session with all their movies. When the Q &A was over, the Germans offered to stand in the lobby and field more questions…but I couldn’t hang around for that. It was midnight and it was starting to snow. Canyon roads + snow = car accidents. So I headed out as quickly as possible to try to be the winter storm that was coming.

So Sundance was awesome! I had a great time and I’m either going to get the movie pass next year (where you can see a bunch of movies at a discounted price) or I’m going to volunteer.

That is all!

2008-01-19T19:21:00.001-07:00

Jappy Girls are EVERYWHERE!! (This is not a racial slur, I am referring to the Jewish American princess...of course most times these girls turn out to not even be Jewish, but just random spoiled brats whose yuppie parents never said no to them out of guilt.)

So my New Years post, much like my resolutions, never happened. I don't really believe in New Years resolutions anyways. I mean why wait until the 1st day of a new year to do something life changing, why not do it when you think of it. For example, a lot of people put losing weight on their new year's resolutions list. Why not just do it when you realize that you are bigger than you want to be? But no, most people wait until that all amazing January 1st, clog up the gym, inconveniencing my work out time, and then are done attempting their resolution by January 15. Whatever.

I spent 2 weeks in wonderful Ohio again. If you ever have the desire to go to Ohio during a national championship game that Ohio State is playing in...and you don't like Ohio State...don't go to Ohio. The fans are only going to be rude and obnoxious and not understand how people could not like THE Ohio State. Good thing they lost...then all was well.

The class I took was intense! I basically relearned an entire semester of undergrad stats in 3 days...then we proceeded to take those stats and apply them to learning curves and inflation and all sorts of fun things like that. The whole thing culminated in a final project and me wanting to beat this guy's ass for being an arrogant prick. It's not really worth going into details but there was a guy in my group with a little penis envy and he thought he was the smartest person he knew. And at the end of the course he actually had the nerve to tell me, "This is the first group I have worked in where I haven't yelled at anyone." I bit my tongue so hard it bled, because what I really wanted to say is, "Maybe its not other people that are the problem. Maybe you don't play nice with others you arrogant jerk." I passed the class which is all that really matters. While I was in Ohio I got to spend a significant amount of time with Kelly and John, which was a blast...so all in all it was good. Other than the fact that I hate traveling in the winter. I think next year I am just going to block out my calender from December through March. I refuse to travel anywhere. Anyone wants to see me, they know where I am...my little bear cave here in Layton. I'll even be nice and come pick you up at the airport...other than that, consider me in hibernation.

So on the way back yesterday the trip from Dayton to Denver was fairly uneventful. Because I had gotten little sleep and I had woken up way early, I was tired and I think I snored from Dayton into Nebraska...but it didn't bother me any. Upon arriving in Denver I had just enough time to run from one terminal to another to catch my next flight. When I got to the terminal I noticed that they had a little notice to passengers about volunteers to take a bump and get a free ticket. I asked the lady when I would fly out if I took the ticket and she said the next morning. Plus the airlines wouldn't put me up for the night because I volunteered...so it would have been a wash. So I passed and found an empty chair and got comfy. Well the couple sitting 3 chairs down from me is the reason for the title of this post. The moment I sit down I realized I should have just remained standing. This grown woman, who must have been a little older than me but looked almost 40 from her intense love of tanning, was sitting next to her husband whining. I'm not even kidding, whining, loudly, in public. Then she crosses her one leg over the other and starts bouncing it, in doing so she starts shaking the entire row of chairs, of which I am sitting in one. She starts whining even louder, "Honey, I just want to get out of he-re. We have been here since 10:30000000000. I just want to goooo. I'm calling Southwest, give me your credit card. I'm booking us another ticket." At first I felt a little bad for Mrs. Northface Fleece Jappy girl. But as I sat there listening to the incessant high pitched Fran Drescher whining I just wanted to stab her with my crochet hook. Apparently the 2 A-holes (SNL reference to the two couples that say "Hey Babe...hey Babe.") arrived at their original airport exactly 30 minutes before their flight and United decided to move the flight time up by 15 minutes. So they were not allowed on their flight. United was nice enough to rebook them on the next flight since it was the couples' fault...but they missed their connection in Denver. So they had to wait to get rebooked on the next one of those. So Jappy McJapster steals her husband's credit card and books 2 nonrefundable tickets to SL through Southwest. I board the plane and assume that I am done with the couple. Until I see them board the plane. And sit in the row in front of me. It was fine until maybe a half hour in when Ms. Tanning Bed decided she was going to read a magazine quiz to her husband and ask for his responses. I knew we were all in trouble when the first question was, "How would you describe your body?" and the husband had to say what his wife looked like. He told her curvy and that was clearly the wrong answer. She starts whining, "That's not what I wanted to hear." Her husband says, "There's nothing wrong with that." And the whining continued. Now at this point I am wondering if I am overreacting slightly...so I monitor the reactions of fellow passengers to see if anyone else is annoyed as I am. The guy sitting across the aisle from them was dressed similarly to Bill's father in Big Love. (Kind of scrubby, complete with trucker cap and slick white hair hanging out from underneath.) His mouth was completely hanging open. He was staring at this girl with the kind of amazement that one might stare at a car wreck. You so desperately want to look away but can't because you can't believe it's happening in front of your face. I almost burst out laughing it was so funny. Meanwhile Ms. The World Revolves Around Me, continues on with her tirade completely oblivious to the fact that there are other passengers on the plane and we might not want to hear how skinny you think you are. How do people like that honestly get married? Who in their right mind puts up with torture like that? She must be really good in the sack...because that's the only reason I can think of that a guy would willingly put up with that.

So I am so busy people watching I forget to look out the window, but I can feel that we are descending. The captain comes on the intercom and says that we are making our descent, everyone sit down. All is going as planned, when we start down for a landing and then immediately pull back up. I'm not even kidding. It was like "haha, you thought you were going to land...just kidding." Then we did a figure 8 pattern for 45 more minutes. It's at times like these that I wish I was not a seasoned traveler. I knew that it was not just air traffic. When its just air traffic they circle you over the airport at a fairly high altitude. When you are doing figure-8s you are burning fuel. So we finally start our descent in again and we came down hard on the nose. I think there was a landing gear problem...but we made it to the gate safe and sound.

Tomorrow I get to check out Sundance Film Festival. It should be fun!

That is all!

2007-12-31T11:57:00.000-07:00

Utah is up in arms again…

This time over a bogus holiday card sent to Republican voters in South Carolina. If you haven’t heard about this story… here’s a link that gives pictures and details about the card. http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5i4xSiLZoCBZcTh0s-C14_UK932_wD8TRH3T01

Of course, Utah is taking this as a personal attack on their state, when really it has nothing to do with them. In addition, the cards are accurate. If you pull out your little Book of Mormon that everyone is issued when you set foot in the state…that is truly the quote that is in the book. Mormonism is founded on racism. Let’s be honest…they believed that Jesus was white, he walked in America, the garden of Eden was really in Missouri and that God marked bad people with dark skin. That’s what the religion was founded on. It wasn’t until the 70s that they started allowing men with dark skin to hold positions in the church. And the only reason that they allowed that to happen was because some crack pot prophet had a revelation (ironically enough the revelation came just before the LDS church was going to start being sued for a million dollars a day.)

And the quote in that story that absolutely killed me was this, “Hutchins said the mailing hurts his temple, which, like the parent Mormon church, stays out of politics.” Ummm…no. I’m sorry but I have to disagree with that one. The parent Mormon church does not stay out of politics. They may not officially endorse a party to the press…but they are totally ingrained in politics, especially state politics. When I first moved out here, I asked someone…Utah is part of the country right? They do have to observe separation of church and state right? Because…umm they don’t. They have insane liquor laws because Mormons think drinking is evil. They don’t allow strip clubs or gambling because Mormons think it is evil. We don’t even have a state lottery! The congregations are told by the elders which candidates to vote for in elections and which referendums to pass or fail. This is told to them in their services!! Doesn’t get involved in politics…yeah that’s like saying Lindsay Lohan will never do coke again.

So it has been snowing here. Quite a lot actually. Well actually it isn’t all that much probably 6 inches or so…but you’d swear it was the blizzard of the century. Roads don’t really get plowed here and the suicide lanes in the middle, really turn into suicide lanes because they don’t even get touched with a plow…so they start out as 6 inches of powder and end up 12 inches of slush. The actual lanes in the road are barely any better. I swear the snow plow drivers think about putting down the blade and that’s as far as it goes…they think about it. The road was in such bad condition yesterday the slush was scraping the underside of my car. Now I know a Honda Civic isn’t the highest riding car in the world…but I should not be plowing slush with the underside of my civic. It’s ridiculous!

So eharmony.com was having a free communication weekend this past weekend. I never bought into the whole online dating thing and thought it was sketchy in general…but given my long held single status I decided, “Hey, its free. Why not? It’s not like anything better is coming along.” So I took their 30 points of compatibility crap or whatever and waited for them to find me match. Well, they couldn’t. I believe the exact message I got was, "We're sorry we couldn't find you a match today...how about you stop being so picky and cynical you bitter old bitty and try again tomorrow." How sad of a day is that, when you realize that even eharmony can’t find you a virtual Mr. Right or even a Mr. Right Now? I think I need another cat…and maybe some hot rollers for my hair…and a facial mask while I’m at it.

I think that’s all the updating I have for today. Next up…New Year’s posting.

That is all!

2007-12-28T22:11:00.000-07:00

I have gotten scoffed at when I say that I go back to NY to get my highlights done and my hair cut because I refuse to trust anyone in this state. The following story proves my point...

Woman blames salon for chemically-burned scalp
December 28th, 2007 @ 10:00pm

Sarah Dallof reporting

A trip to the hair salon turned into a trip to the hospital when a woman's scalp was badly burned from bleaching. In fact, she says she was in so much pain she went to the emergency room.

We've all heard it: beauty is pain. But Kareim Ugarte says never thought she'd end up at the ER with her scalp burning and her head throbbing so badly she couldn't see straight, all because of hair dye chemicals.

Ugarte wanted to surprise her husband with a new look for the new year. She was after beautiful blonde hair, like Kelly Ripa. Instead she got "orange, yellow, three colors," as she puts it.

But what really concerns her are the oozing burns the ER doctor tells her are the result of chemicals left for too long on her scalp.

"It was with blisters and a lot of liquid coming out of the areas," Ugarte said.

She went to the J.C. Penney Styling Salon at Valley Fair Mall yesterday. She signed a waiver, acknowledging coloring chemicals can damage hair, skin and scalp. She says the stylist estimated her hair would go from brunette to blonde in two hours. Instead, it took seven.

"I told her, ‘I can't take it anymore. If you need to do something else, I can't take anymore,'" Ugarte said. She complained to the stylist, as well as salon and store mangers. She says they all they offered were free deep conditioning treatments. Then came the bill - $150.

The salon referred us to a representative from J.C. Penney's corporate office. He says stylists are trained and certified and the company is sorry the treatment didn't turn out as planned. He also says Kareim is welcome to come back so they can try to fix the problem.

She says that's not enough. "I want J.C. Penny to recognize they made a mistake, first hiring the wrong people, second leaving the salon in the wrong hands, thinking a waiver will free them of any responsibility."

For now, the ER doctor has told Kareim to just leave her head alone -- no touching, blow drying and especially no dying until those burns heal. After that, she's at a loss on how to fix it.

Ok, first of all. People in Utah aren't the brightest. A waiver means...no liability for Penney's...you're the dumbass that signed it...deal with your decision. Second of all...anyone who knows anything about hair dye and dying knows that you cannot go from almost black to blond in one move. The client should have known that and definitely the stylist should have known that. Then the stupid stylist put dye on her hair for 7 hours! 7 hours! Of course her scalp is going to fry after 7 hours! Plus you went to Penney's for a major overhaul...there was the biggest mistake. If you want a job well done you go to a real salon, not some crack pot poser of a salon. I mean Penney's is fine for a trim...or basic highlights...but overhauls...pay the $150 at a real salon.

So the next time someone rolls their eyes at me because I go to my cousin in NY for kickass highlights I'm going to site this story...I want awesome highlights...not 3rd degree burns from some high school dropout who should never have graduated from beauty school.

2007-12-28T16:34:00.000-07:00

Whoo-Hoo 2000 hits!

I hit the 2000 hits mark! I’ve almost reached celebrity status…but not really.

Let’s see trip home for Christmas…very frustrating. Utah got dumped on with 8 inches of lake effect snow in a 12 hour period. You would have sworn we got a blizzard. I left early for the airport that morning so that I would have plenty of time to make my flight. When I left the traffic guy was saying that I-15 was slow moving but it was still ok. I got on I-15 and it was a standstill. Not even kidding…I was doing 6 miles an hour on the highway when I should have been doing 65. I could have run to the airport faster than that. It seems that all the good little sheep Mormons got on the highway and like little lemmings were following one another to their peril. So I sat on the highway for 20 minutes until I got to the next exit and then I got off and started taking back roads. I am so lucky that I won the GPS because it totally saved my butt. I didn’t know any of the backroads, but I told it I didn’t want to take the highway and one hour and 45 minutes later I was at the airport. That was especially frustrating because the trip should have taken 25 minutes. I was so scared that I was going to miss my flight and then I would have been in trouble because its Christmas and everything is booked up. I parked the car, got on the shuttle, checked luggage, went through security and got right on the plane. I never stopped once. If I had been 10 minutes later I would have missed my flight. Of course then we had to sit on the tarmac away from the gate for an hour and a half because the runways weren’t plowed. Again, this caused me angst because I only had a 45 minute layover. So I was going to miss my connecting flight. I got off the plane as soon as I could and found the nearest agent. She informed me that my plane had already left and that I should go to the ticket counter. I went to the counter and the lady informed me that my flight was being delayed by 10 minutes. This meant that I had 5 minutes to get to the gate, and as luck would have it, it was at a completely different concourse. So I sprinted for the shuttle. Sprinted off the shuttle and ran up to my gate. By this point I am out of breath and ready to pass out because I haven’t eaten anything all day. I asked the lady if I could get on the plane and she informed me that they hadn’t even started boarding yet. That is information that would have been helpful before I sprinted all over the airport. My flight was delayed almost 2 hours but I didn’t really care that much because I made it.

Being home was good. I got to see lots of the family, which is what Christmas is for. Christmas day was nice and relaxing, so that was good. The trip went entirely too fast though.

Now I’m back in Utah temporarily…until the next trip. It’s a Friday and it is so quiet and boring here. Almost everyone is on vacation and I almost wish I had taken today off because then I wouldn’t be wasting my time here… I could be wasting my time at home, sleeping…because 3 hours of sleep sucks.

That is all!

2007-12-20T12:38:00.000-07:00

I think it’s been one of those weeks for everyone…

Is it just me or does everyone seem really irritable this week? Monday I think was the worst. Everyone I ran into seemed to have a case of the grumpies.

Driving this week has been incredibly frustrating. I swear all these Utahns grew up in places with no snow…except wait…they didn’t…they all grew up here and never left. To give you an insight into how bad the driving is…I have to go up a slight incline to go to work. Ok, it’s more of a small hill…but it’s not that bad. Unless I am driving in 4 inches of slush because Utah sucks at road plowing and the idiot in front of me is going 5 miles an hour. Seriously, 5 miles an hour. Now my little Honda handles snow and slush and mountains pretty well…at least I am impressed by it…but my car and I also have this agreement…the car says, you don’t give me momentum…I start to slide and you don’t go up the hill…you don’t like it…buy a gas sucking SUV. It’s a delicate balance. So needless to say I was more than a little miffed at the driver in front of me for going so slow…because then I didn’t get my momentum and I started sliding down the hill. I understand the need to be cautious in bad weather but seriously 5 miles an hour, for 4 inches of slush…bitch please. Every time the weather is anything but sunny around here people lose their brains and start driving like this is the first time they have ever been behind the wheel and if they go any faster than they can run, they might die. It’s incredibly annoying.

Let’s see…what else. The AF decided to be a huge annoyance to me this week. A few weeks ago I received an email saying that there was no way I was going to get into this training I needed to attend…so I should apply to many sections of this training and not expect to get any of them. Suddenly on Monday I receive this email that says, “Hey...you got into this course…yay you…oh by the way it’s in January, like the early part, and it’s in Ohio.” Now I am all for getting trained and getting out of Utah, but I can think of better places to spend my time than Ohio in January, especially when they are flying me through O Hare. And I never thought I would say this…but I would actually rather stay in Utah during that time for three reasons 1. my season ski pass that I want to use 2. Sundance Film Festival (where a different kind of weirdness descends upon Utah…the Hollywood weirdness) 3. They are flying me through O Hare (this is almost as bad as flying through JFK…almost). So for 2 weeks I get to spend some time in illustrious Ohio, in the cold and the greyness. Yay. The two bright spots in that trip are I might go to the SU/Cincinnati game in Cincinnati and I get to hang out with Kelly (who just moved there recently)! So I guess it won’t be too terrible.

Christmas is coming up. I really don’t feel like celebrating this year. I wish we could just skip over the whole ordeal. Anytime a Christmas song comes on the radio I go ninja on my radio and change to a new station as soon as possible. And the occurrence of a Christmas song on the radio in Utah is quite frequent…so imagine the damage I would save on my radio if we just skipped Christmas. And I don’t want to see anymore bright shining lights on the perfect houses that all look alike because the families inside all look alike because that’s what you get in Stepfordia. Sorry if I’m being a little bit of a Scrooge…I just don’t feel like celebrating. Moving on.

Speaking of Christmas songs I was driving the other day when the 12 days of Christmas came on the radio. But not the real 12 days of Christmas that everyone knows and invariably does not love…a Utah version of the classic. Now why the state of Utah needs its own version…I don’t know…you don’t see Florida having its own version, but I digress. So curious about what a Utah 12 days of Christmas would entail I listened on. The first day was popcorn popping on an apricot tree. The second day was 2 elders biking. The third day was 3 jello salads. The 4th day I forgot. The fifth was 5 oh my hecks. The 6th day was 6 kids and counting. The 7th I forgot as well. The 8th was 8 special spirits. The 9th was 9 sisters quilting. The 10th was 10% tithing. The 11th was 11 Mormon Temples. And the 12th was 12 year old deacons. Does anyone else see a pattern? Every single one of these days deals with something in the Mormon culture. What the hell? These 12 days of Christmas mean nothing to the 40% of the state that isn’t Mormon. First of all, making up different words to the 12 days of Christmas is stupid. It’s an annoying song and should be banished to Christmas song hell. Second of all, it’s weird to make a song about a STATE and then center it on the CHURCH. Why not just call it the 12 Days of Mormon Christmas. Then at least it would be accurate.

And I know that some of you probably think I am overreacting or being bitter or whatever. But I have a little story to share. Last Saturday I went skiing. I took another lesson from a very vibrant wholesome Mormon boy…who was not unlike Kenneth on 30 Rock…if any of you have seen it, and then headed for the lift. As I am standing in line some woman asks if she can ride up with me. I didn’t really mind, so she did. Now when you are on a ski lift with someone you don’t know…you always have a bit of awkward small talk. This small talk can get quite awkward in Utah if you aren’t of a certain religious persuasion. So the woman asks if I am from around here. I tell her no and give her the quick schtick of why I am here. When she hears that I am from Upstate NY she scoffs and says that it must have been quite a culture shock. Not wanting to offend her, I say well yes, I am not used to living in a desert and being so far from home and trying to dance around the next question that I know is coming. But it didn’t. She says, “You must be really depressed out here.” I didn’t know what to say. I just kind of nodded. And she said, “That’s normal. I was clinically depressed the first 12 years I lived out here.” To which I said, “How long have you lived out here?” 15 years. So for 4/5 of the time that this woman lived in Utah she was depressed. That’s crazy! And she just came right out matter of factly and told me, someone she doesn’t know, that she was depressed for 12 years because of this state and the culture! So then we got into a pleasant discussion about the culture and the oddities and how to survive in Utah. It was quite an enlightening discussion and just validated the fact that I am not crazy or imagining what I see and that I need to move out of here as soon as possible.

That is all!

2007-12-14T19:15:00.001-07:00

So this is the kind of hypocritical stuff I have to deal with living out here.

SALT LAKE CITY (ABC 4 News) - They are saying now that it was all a big miscommunication; one that left a Murray girl very upset. After a phone call Monday morning, Georgia Clyde thought she won a Deseret Morning News essay contest. Then she was told because she's not Mormon, that her essay wouldn't be published.

The 7th grader did in fact enter an essay into Deseret Morning News' "Christmas I Remember Best" essay contest. The person who called the family earlier this week was the editor of LDS Church News, a supplement to the church-owned daily paper, which, we're told, has nothing to do with the Deseret Morning News. That was the beginning of the mix up.

As Georgia reads an excerpt from her essay “My mom had been a single mother of two for just about six years and a little over two years ago the most amazing thing happened to our family...” titled “My Miracle Christmas,” she says she remembers how blown away she was when she found out the essay was being considered for publication but wouldn't make the wire because she wasn't Mormon. Clyde says, “I felt disappointed and sad and angry and just all at the same time I just couldn't believe it.”

Her mother, Michelle, recalls what was said to her on the phone, “She said, 'Are you Mormon?', and I said, 'No', and she said then we can't use your daughter's story. This is for Mormon families only.” Clyde says, “I mean, if they chose 'No', I would have been okay with it, but for that reason I was shocked.”

This family says they feel they've been discriminated against because of their religion, and from a paper that is delivered to thousands, Mormon or otherwise. The girl’s mother says, “If it's a newspaper that goes out to everybody, that newspaper is sold statewide...anybody can buy it, Mormon or not Mormon, There shouldn't be a reason why any essay couldn't be printed.”

The editor explains that her decision to not use the girl's essay was an editorial judgment call. Gerry Avant says, “I was looking for something by LDS because by tradition our contributors have been LDS.” She apologizes for the miscommunication and goes on to say, “I have spent 35 years of trying to portray people in the best light the best possible way and certainly would not have gone intentionally to cause offense.”

When anyone says anything about Mitt Romney being mormon this whole state is up in arms and it’s the lead story. Then they turn around and do this. Hypocrites.

Then there was also this article this past week…

http://www.cbc.ca/health/story/2007/12/10/mormon-meals.html It talks about how the mormons are the healthiest demographic in the country. Well of course they are…they don’t drink, they don’t smoke and they fast. Utah is also the most depressed state in the country. I would rather have heart disease and be happy than have clear arteries and be depressed. At least they can roto-rooter my arteries.

Also, why does Utah insist on having its own cinema? It's the only place in the country where they make their own movies specifically about being mormon and then advertise them in prime time. What is that? Are mainstream movies not holy enough? I guess I'm just a bit bitter that the SNL Christmas speical got bumped out here for some stupid Family Circle homemaker show. I really wanted to see the Schweaty Balls sketch.

So holiday parties for work are really lame. And somewhat painful. Unless you win a GPS...then they are awesome.

Other than that…not a whole lot going on out here…the week flew by and I am getting ready to hit the slopes again this weekend!

That is all!

2007-12-09T17:55:00.000-07:00

New York Girl Skis Utah, Curses in Front of Mormon Children and is Forced to Leave the State!

Not really, but it would be funny huh? Let's see before I get to the skiing part... This past week I went to Clearwater, FL. So that brings my plane total up to 73 planes in 15 months. Crazy right? Florida was warm and sunny the whole time I was there. It would have been nice if I could have enjoyed it, but between long freaking meetings and catching the plague, I didn't get to. Flying while sick is one of the most miserable experiences ever. Then it was back to Utah through several snowstorms and a delay or two.

Friday night started out really lame, more of a self-pity night really. Between travel stress and life stress and self-induced stress, I think I have had all the stress I can handle. In 22 months I will be looking for a new job. I know I have plenty of time...but I don't even know what kind of career I want to go into! Also, I am trying to get some semblance of a personal life...but its pretty hard when everyone keeps moving on me. Plus the single life is starting to get old...quickly. I know, I never thought I would say that. Anyways, my little sister was giving me advice (messed up right?) on life and guys and everything in between, when I got a text from one of my work cohorts telling me to get my ass out to the bar asap. So I picked myself up by my bootstraps, or my fuzzy slippers cause that's what I was wearing at the time, and went out for some fun. When I got to the bar everyone was talking about going skiing the next morning and invited me to come along. I was a little apprehensive about that seeing as how I haven't skiied in a year and I only ever went twice. So I passed on that trip, but I made a resolution to find a happy place this winter, or at least some place that I can get out some frustration and I think the slopes might be it. So on Saturday morning I scheduled a lesson for Sunday.

Normally I love Google maps. Their directions have never steered me wrong...until today. I wrote down the directions to the ski resort and I was off! (As a side note I went to this resort 2xs last year, so you would think I sort of remembered how to get there.) I started to go up this canyon road when I realized that I had never gone up this road before. Ever. That's when I noticed that there were no guardrails and there was a sign stating, "Chains or snow tires required for travel on this road." So I started up the road anyways thinking I could try my luck. Well a mile into the journey I realize that the roads are getting narrower and slicker and there are still no guardrails. I start cursing and trying to figure out how to do a 3 pt turn on the side of a mountain. Good thing I drive a small car. So I head back down the mountain and test my memory from last year. Good thing I have a good memory because I managed to get to the resort in plenty of time for my lesson.

This resort has a nice little package deal where you get 3 lessons and a season pass for mad cheap if you had never skiied or boarded before. I have never boarded and I consider myself having never skiied, since I went down the bunny hill last year and thought I was going to die. So this lesson was going to be my board lesson, next week I'll have a ski lesson and then the lesson after that I will decide which one I like better and go with that. I got all suited up with a trendy board and headed to the training area. As I am standing there waiting for the lesson to start, 2 teenage boy instructors walk up and start a flirty conversation with me. I just rolled my eyes because they clearly didn't realize how old I was. Then my instructor showed up and I swear his balls just dropped 3 years ago. This kid was no older than 16. And then he started flirting with me. And I really wanted to tell him I was in middle school when he was born...but I didn't. The lesson went pretty well...I was the best one in the class and that is sad!!! I didn't fall too much in the lesson but we didn't get off the magic carpet lift during the lesson. At the end of the lesson my instructor informs me that I was ready for the chair lift if I wanted to try it on my own. That's like going from the lazy river tube ride to the 60 mile an hour crazy slide with no instructions. So I practiced a bunch more on the little carpet thing and then decided I was ready to try the lift. Getting on the lift was no big deal...getting off the lift was not so much of a big deal. However, that's where the easiness ended. I have several friends that board and they all told me that boarding is initially harder than skiing but the learning curve is a lot steeper...so by the end of day 2 or 3 you are much better at boarding than skiing. I listened to all that crap but I never realized how true it was until my first trip down the hill. I made sure my bindings were on securely, I stood up and I fell on my face. So I crawled to the middle of the hill...not even kidding crawled on all fours to the middle of the hill and tried to get up again. I got up and fell backwards. This little escapade lasted the entire bunny hill. Not even kidding. I mean everyone knows how graceful I am already (that's a joke), glue my feet to a board, put me on an incline and see how graceful I really am. I must have looked so ridiculous that first trip down. I think I only stayed vertical for about 3 feet at a time. The rest of the time was spent crab-walking, crawling, rolling and face planting. And I totally got air! But the bad kind of air...the kind of air where I was up and moving and then caught the front edge of my board in the snow...which launched me into the air and I face planted on the ground with my legs over my head. Yes, I looked ridiculous or like a circus gymnastic show...either way. But I did not look as ridiculous as the guy wearing the pink day-glo pants...they were awful. Anyways, it took me 20 minutes to get to the bottom of the hill on my first trip. At this point I was contemplating packing it in and calling it a day, but I remembered that practice makes perfect and I should try again. I wasn't playing Mozart my first day on the horn...same principle. So I get in line for the lift and the guy running the lift asks if I am having fun. I told him I just spent the whole duration of the hill on my butt...and he says, "Ah, that's normal...50 more of those and you'll get the hang of it." So,up the lift I go. The second trip was slightly better. A little less time spent on my butt and only 3 face plants. However, I get to the bottom and totally get side swiped by a cute guy. I'm still not sure if that was intentional or not, but I totally fell on him...only because I am incapable of standing on a board in a slight breeze...hit my ankles with 175 lbs and I am done for. So after untangling all the boards and limbs, I was back in the line for the lift again. The 3rd time was the best yet, which was a consolation that maybe I can get the hang of this. Then I realized that I had beat up my body enough and cursed in front of enough children for the day and decided to quit while I was ahead. I felt pretty good when I first got home, however about an hour later I was incapable of moving. So tomorrow is going to be fantastic! Nothing a little bit of Ibuprofen and a massage can't take care of. I have the ibuprofen...now to find the cute guy to give me the massage...hmm that's more difficult.

That is all!

2007-12-01T19:03:00.000-07:00

Busy Busy!

So Tuesday night/Wednesday morning I took the red-eye to NY and it sucked...hard core. If I ever have the crazy notion of ever taking the red-eye again I should be talked out of it. Also, during the holiday season there should be 2 lines for security...those who are frequent travelers and those who are not. If you get into the frequent traveler line and you are not a frequent traveler and you hold up the line, people who are frequent travelers should be allowed to heckle you until you leave the line. Thanksgiving was fun. It was great to see all the family again. Of course we were all missing Grandma, but the event went much better than I anticipated.

Friday I hung out with some cool girls. We went to Daisy Dukes and actually rode the mechanical bull. There are pictures to prove it and I may post them on my picture site when I get a chance. After that we went to a comedy show (which I didn't even know Syracuse had.)

Saturday I went bridesmaid dress shopping with my cousins and sister. It was a wicked fun bonding experience...I just wish I had had a camera! Also, Mandi was moving things along rather quickly. We went in and found a dress and got out in under an hour. It was crazy!! Later that night we kidnapped the Parrotte children and went and played pitch with the cousins. Fun times!!

Funny little side story that my mother is going to hate. Back when my grandma died we all had to get a funeral appropriate outfit. I had to go with Mom and it was not a fun shopping trip. I was not going to let her go to this service looking like a frumpy school teacher...Grandma would not have approved. So I found this cute pantsuit that I loved! I tried it on in my size and found it in my mom's size as well. Well of course it didn't fit me...the pants were funny and the sleeves were too short. So I made my mom try it on in her size. It looked awesome! She didn't look like she was trying to be 20...but it made her look much younger. So I made her buy it. When we were at the service Mandi made a comment about how cute the suit was. I told her I made Mom buy it and Mandi said, "MILF." Of course then my mom wanted to know what a MILF was. Neither Mandi nor I were going to tell her what it was in a church, so we just didn't tell her. When I got home for Thanksgiving I found out that my mom had actually googled what a MILF was and was horrified that we would make a comment like that in a church! So later that evening I was hanging out with my sister and I said, "I wonder what mom found when she googled MILF." My sister gets the devilish look on her face and said "Let's find out." So she googled MILF and let me tell you we have never laughed so hard. According to my mom though she only clicked on the Wikipedia page...not anything else.

The trip back to Utah sucked as well. I hate airlines. Period. I hate airports too...especially JFK.

The rest of the week was kind of a blur. Lots of late nights due to the fact that I had band rehearsal and I went to the Billy Joel concert. I found out when I got back to Utah that Billy Joel was playing in Salt Lake on Thursday night. I knew that I had to work on Friday so I wasn't sure if I wanted to go or not. That's when my sister sent me an IM saying I shouldn't be an old woman and just go. So I did. Alone. I'm not sure if that's the most independent or most pathetic thing I have ever done. The 2 songs I really wanted to hear, New York State of Mind and Only the Good Die Young, I didn't think I would hear...and I totally did. Even though there are only like 2 catholics in the state of Utah and probably the same number of New York transplants. But the concert was FANTASTIC!! If you ever have the opportunity to see Billy Joel...I highly recommend it. He played for 2 hours straight...and only didn't sing 1 song...but he still played the guitar on it. And he has no crappy opening act...so that's awesome too. Plus it was amusing to see a bunch of Mormons singing Highway to Hell...because it was like HIGHWAY TO ...., and then watching their reaction as Billy Joel started like porn slapping himself in the middle of the show. Good times all around.

Last night we had a going away thing for one of my friends that's moving away. We had a great time but I realized the number of friends that I have in Utah is dwindling quickly and that's sad. I think I need to go out more.

That is all!

2007-11-20T16:19:00.000-07:00

There are sometimes when I think it would be much easier to be a guy.

So yesterday I am walking with Sam and a random missile guy across a busy 4 lane road on base. The move was totally jaywalking but Sam had it timed right so we wouldn’t get hit by the cars that were speeding by. As I am running across the street in my heels the random missile guy says, “Why are you running? I was going to walk with you. You could stop the traffic around here.” Now, I am not all fem-nazi and uber liberal feminist. I do enjoy being treated like a lady and I don’t usually get offended easily. But I was sort of offended by that statement. It was like one of those backhanded compliments. Like it was really supposed to be a compliment but it was sexist all at the same time. And if I was a dude I would never have to worry about backhanded compliments.

Then today we are sitting in a staff meeting and one of my female coworkers states that she needs more money for a project. The crusty old dude next to her said, “Typical woman.” Again, I don’t offend easily but come on! If she was a guy needing more money for a project nothing would have been said. Why do I always feel like no matter how much I am accepted in this workplace, I’m really not?

Then to put a true Utah spin on things one of the main articles on abc4.com was “back in the dating saddle.” Being a little curious, I read the article. It was not a generic, “this is where you meet people” article. No, no this was an article aimed at single women on how not to drive away single guys. Are you serious?! This is news! Because I know that all the guys I have ever dated could never have perfected their dating skills. No, no it’s always the women I know that need the advice. (I’m being a bit sarcastic here.)

In other news, the 2nd news story on the news yesterday was how the LDS church is ONLY 60% of the population in the state of Utah now. What was the first news story? They found 2 bodies. What was the 3rd story? Who cares? It clearly wasn’t as important as the fact that the LDS church is still the majority of this state. But the news story was more of a panic about how if this trend continues by the year 2030 LDS will be less than half the population. Oh no! Alert the missionaries, do a full court press on Utah…heaven forbid they lose the majority!! Maybe by the year 2030 they can have real elections rather than the sheep being told who to vote for by their “elders.”

Anyways, tonight I leave for NY again. It’s not that I don’t want to go home, I feel like I was just there…oh wait I was. And I don’t mind being home, it’s just that long ass cross country hell that I have to go through to get there. Especially through my favorite airport in the world, JFK! I am bracing for the long lines, the screaming babies and the delays! Yay! I think from now on people should come visit me and I’ll stay put.

If Aunt Mary Kay is reading this, I am totally ready to defend my pitch master title! Bring it!

That is all!

2007-11-16T19:39:00.000-07:00

Back in Utah for a short time.

So I arrived back in the state of Utah again today...and I will be here until Tuesday night. Because of all the traveling I have done in the past month I declared a stay-in and chill night. It's almost 8 and I am ready for bed. I am totally lame.

Anyways, another trip to Hell Paso. It wasn't too bad. I got to the hotel and they didn't have a room for me. Which isn't that big of a deal except that the hotel was totally booked and they didn't think they could find me a room at all. I got so mad because I knew I booked a room, but I didn't have the confirmation number with me...so no dice. Note to self...always bring the confirmation number. The front desk told me that if I came back after 8 and someone hadn't checked in then I could take their room. Seeing as it was only 6:30 we decided to go to dinner and try later. Upon returning to the hotel at 8:00 I was informed that I had a room. I was so excited I grabbed my key and rushed upstairs with all of my crap. I entered the room and there was a pet carrier sitting on the floor. I thought someone might have left the carrier there on accident when I looked up and saw a very scared looking cat sitting on the chair. I then backed out of the room and turned heel and went downstairs. I did not see anyone's luggage in the room and no one yelled to me...so I am assuming that it was just the cat in the room. When I got downstairs I was informed that it was the corporate cat and that they should not have given me the room in the first place. I was still contemplating what a corporate cat was as they searched for another room to put me in. Thank goodness they found a room for me to stay in...I wasn't ready to sleep in our rental Durango.

The next couple of days were typical government travel semantics. I was traveling with a good group of guys and of course they felt like they needed to harass me (note to self: find more girls to travel with). All in all good times.

I figured it out after this past trip. I have been on 65 airplanes since I landed in Utah in August 2006. That is a lot of freaking airplanes. I'm all for travel and its fun...but I am getting kind of sick of living in hotels. I'm not sure how people who travel every week do it. Ok, that's enough complaining about travel.

In other news, one of my old college friends called me today. I haven't spoken to this friend in over 2 years...and it has nothing to do with either of us sucking at being friends, she was in Africa for 2 years! How cool is that?! I would never have the guts to do that. Anyways, she called to set up a time when we can get together over Christmas break and hang out. And the best part of the whole conversation, we picked up talking right where we left off. It was like 2 years hadn't passed at all. I think that is one of the coolest things ever. For everyone that reads this blog, I hope that you have a friend like that. I know I have several friends like that...people that I don't talk to for months or even years and they call one day and its like the conversation never ended. I think that's the true test of friendship right there.

That is all!

2007-11-13T10:52:00.000-07:00

I am a traveling machine!

So I got back into Utah from New York on a Friday night. I had Saturday to recover and then it was back on the road on Sunday morning. The first stop was Hell Paso. Seriously, I think I have found the end of the earth and its in El Paso, Texas. As we were flying into the El Paso airport on our 1960s Regional Jet all you could see for miles and miles was desert and the few plants that grow in the desert. We landed in the smallest airport I have ever seen and went to our hotel which was around the corner. In the process we met some of the enlisted guys that were going to be traveling with us for the remainder of the week. The conversation went something like this:

Sam: Hey, what base are you guys from?

Guys: Vandenberg

Sam: This is Shannon, she’ll be traveling with us.

Guys: Yeah, we saw her at the airport.

(Sam and I walk away)

Sam: See they always spot the girl on the trip first. I was invisible but they saw you at the airport.

Me: That’s why you are here to be my chaperone.

This entire week trip was a unique experience for me. For starters, I was the only girl. Now I know I hang out with the guys a lot and I am one of the bros and all that nonsense, but I was the only girl with 11 guys. And not 11 refined ivy league guys...11 enlisted maintenance guys. There was lots of beer drinking, lots of fart jokes and lots of harassing the only girl on the trip...in a funny way...not in a bad way. In order to survive I had to start dishing out the sarcasm at the very beginning of the trip and I soon became known as the sassy one...should be no surprise to those who know me.

We all decided that we were going to do dinner that night at a steakhouse 2 miles from the hotel. The only problem…we had 1 car. Rather than make 2 trips like a sensible bunch of people…we crammed 7 grown military men and me into a Jeep Compass. It was reminiscent of the time that we crammed 8 people into a Ford Escort but this time my knees were squashed into my nose as I sat in the trunk with another guy that I had only just met. I wish I had pictures on the faces of the people that were behind us on the road. Dinner was good and we crammed 8 of us back in the car and went back to the hotel. The tour was fine and I learned a lot. All in all a productive trip.

The next stop was Clearwater, Fl. The first night at that hotel was off the chain. I will not divulge all the details to protect the not so innocent but if you want the hilarious story in which I drank more than I should have, ended up married (not really but that was my cover) and made a late night phone call I should never have made, ask me. The tour the next day was a little rough on everyone involved. Luckily, I had already done that tour twice before. The second night was much calmer and I actually got to bed before midnight.

The next stop after that was illustrious Heath, OH. Talk about the armpit of America. There is NOTHING in Heath, OH. Oh yeah and it was cold too! We went to a cute pub the first night and I was taught how to keep score in darts. I actually did a half way decent at throwing the darts as well. The tour in Heath was very in depth and let me tell you, to understand everything I need to understand about my job I would have to be a rocket scientist.

Saturday it was back to Utah. I had a very busy wonderful weekend, the details of which I am withholding to protect the innocent. Again, if you want to know ask me.

Now it’s Tuesday. I went into the office to deal with the 215 new emails I had. I’m not even kidding. And I am getting ready to fly back to Hell Paso for another 3.5 days. Then it’s back to Utah on Friday. Fun times!

I am so ready to be done traveling. I never thought I would say that. I just want 1 week and a full weekend where I can do whatever I want and not have an airport involved in any way shape or form. I am done stripping down in front of TSA and making sure that my lipgloss is in a 1 quart bag. But I still have several weeks before I can get that time to myself…in the meantime I will try to enjoy the frequent flyer miles I am racking up.

That is all!

2007-10-28T19:36:00.000-06:00

The Post I Never Wanted to Write (AKA I don't know how to say good-bye)

(warning: contains none of the sarcasm and bite of my other posts, for once I write about something sentimental.)

My grandmother has been a fan of this blog since the first day it was conceived. My aunt and my mom would print off my tirades and take them over to her for her to read. She thought all of my jokes were funny and she told me that one day I should turn this blog into a book. She said I was guaranteed to sell at least one copy because she would buy it.

Well, this weekend I had to rush back to NY. I was on the golf course when my father told me that I should book the ticket home because my grandma might not even hold on long enough for me to get there. I broke down crying on the course, but thankfully I have wonderful friends in Utah that were ready with a hug and a ride to the airport to help make things easier. I had my Aunt June hold up the phone so I could tell my Grandma that I loved her and that I would be there soon. My aunt told me that she definitely heard me and knew it was me and was trying to talk back, but couldn't because of all the stuff she had gone through. I finished out my golf game because I knew that was what Grandma would want me to do (and I also knew that I could not get a flight before the red eye that night) and I went home. I booked my ticket at 6 for a flight at 11:40. That just astonished me. For months and months I plan and track and wait for tickets to be just the right price for just the right flight, and bam all at once I book a flight to leave in 5 hours! The rest of the time was spent alternating between throwing random clothes in a suitcase (I still don't know all of what I brought with me!) and crying hysterically on my bedroom floor. I know crying doesn't help anything or make anything easier, but I thought maybe I could get it all out of my system in Utah and then I could be strong for the rest of the family.

That was another hard part about all of this. When my family was going through this in NY, they were slowly trickling into my Grandma's hospital room and they all had each other. I am very fortunate in the fact that my Grandma had 5 kids and those 5 kids had multiple kids and everyone loves each other. Everyone gets along and everyone is there to help everyone else. When I heard about this, I was in Utah alone. I mean I had great friends that offered to help in any way they could, but it's not the same as having your family there with you, crying with you and hugging you.

So I packed everything I thought that I could possibly need, but I'm not even sure what that is, because I don't really remember packing it, and then it was off to the airport. The guy that gave me the ride was wonderful. He offered to bring me dinner and then even showed up early to take me. I am very lucky to have great friends in Utah.

Well someone wanted me to have an angst filled night because Jet Blue wouldn't let me print a boarding pass because it was too close to check in time or something. So I had the worry of getting to the airport and not having a boarding pass. This age of E-ticketing is supposed to be easier and most times it is. And I definitely had a confirmation number, but I was just afraid I would get there and they wouldn't have a seat for me. Imagine me, worry...I never worry about anything...ever. Hmm...wonder where I got that from (my Grandma for those of you that don't know her). So anyways, we drive to the airport and all of a sudden I-15 becomes a parking lot. They shut down the entire 4 lane highway. Period. All 4 lanes...shut down. So we are sitting in the parking lot for like 15 minutes and the detour that the cops sent us on was literally 500 feet from the exit we got off on. So they shut down an entire 4 lane southbound highway for 500 feet. That state makes no sense sometimes. Anyways, so we are back up to speed and rolling along and I get to the airport. I get inside the terminal and the only airline with a line 2 miles is long is...you guessed it, Jet Blue. So I am cursing my luck and nervously clock watching to make sure I can make it in time. This is the one time I have not cursed big Mormon families. Because the line was 2 miles long but everytime someone went up to the counter their 18 kids followed them...so it made the line move much quicker. I get on the plane and completely pass out thanks to generic tylenol cold and sinus nighttime. Seriously, you want to fall asleep that is the stuff to take! I do not remember take off. I vaguely remember ordering a water. But I was asleep by the time the flight attendant brought it to me. So someone put down my tray and set the water on it. I woke up long enough to drink the water and pass out again. The next time I woke up was when the captain was telling us that we were starting our decent into JFK....with no visibility. Not even kidding, our pilot told us he was landing the plane blind, but don't worry folks, the auto pilot is on. Well at this point I was not even worried about acutally landing...I was just worried that we wouldn't be able to take back off to go to Syracuse. So in a fashion that would make Grandma proud, I start worrying about delays, rental cars and how I was going to get to Syracuse. When I arrived at the terminal it was too early for my next flight to be posted...thanks to a 3.5 hour layover. So I got some Dunkin' Donuts coffee (yay east coast) and chilled.

I get on the second flight and Jet Blue had double booked my seat and the lady in my seat was giving me so much attitude. I just wanted to scream at her. But I didn't. And then the guy next to me was trying to assuage things and asked where I was going and why. When I told him, I sort of teared up a little and then it seemed like it was his goal to keep my mind occupied. Come to find out the guy next to me was a Maxwell grad that had spoke to my class as a guest speaker. I don't usually speak about religion and such, but sometimes I really feel like a higher being puts certain people at certain places in your life for certain reasons. That was that guy's purpose that day. To talk to me about my time at Cuse and to keep me from crying the whole way to Syracuse. My second flight was supposedly on time. And my cousin and my sister thought I was going to be on time. So I felt bad when I sat on the tarmac for an hour just waiting to take off putting me in Syracuse a good hour late. There were 70 planes waiting to take off. Im not even kidding we were lined up end to end for as far as I could see out the window, which on an airplane isn't that far, but still. And there was a weird calm over me. I was freaking out that I wasn't freaking out. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I would get to the hospital in time and that I would see my grandma one last time.

So I land and I start down the escalator and I see my cousin and she looks at me and says, "Don't start!" I knew she meant crying, because her and I cry everytime we see each other. Even at happy occasions...like weddings. Why? Who knows! So I managed not to cry but then she looked at me and said, "She's waiting for you to get there." And my heart broke. I didn't cry, but I knew in my heart that she was holding out for me. So we rush to get there and I walked in and she was unconcious. And I touched her arm and I said, "Grandma, I'm here." And I swear I saw her eyes flutter. I know that she knew I was there. And I held myself together so well for most of the day. I mean there were some tears from everyone but there were some laughs from everyone too. It was so healing to have the family all sitting around together and telling stories, hugging and crying all together. And then the granddaughters went in and we said good-bye to her in our own way. And it was heartbreaking and wonderful at the same time. We were all together, we were there, she knew we were there and we knew she wasn't in any pain. You can't ask for anything better than that.

This morning she passed away...well by the time I post this it will be tomorrow...so she passed away yesterday morning. It's so hard to let go, but at the same time it's wonderful that she was so loved. Everyone that knew my grandmother, loved her. My college friends used to call her "my cute little Grandma" and she was. She was everyone's grandma and that's wonderful. She was warm and caring and that's what every kid should want in a grandma. And I'm sure that if I ever finally surrender and get married, my mom will be that kind of grandma. Because she was raised right.

Letting go is so hard for me for so many reasons. My grandma and I had so much in common. We were both the oldest of 2 girls. And we used to compare notes on how to deal with those pesky little sisters. We both loved to read. And I think that's where I got some of my love of reading. My mom used to read to my sister and I every night, but when I went to my grandma's she would always read to me, even when she knew that I could read it to her...she still read to me. And it was always Dr. Seuss...cause that's what I wanted her to read. Fox in Socks, Cat in the Hat, Wocket in my Pocket and of course Green Eggs and Ham! Especially Wocket in my Pocket. I know she got sick of that one because I made her read it so much, but I just liked hearing her say Beetle Battle with Paddles or something like that. I secretly think she liked reading Green Eggs and Ham to me the best because she knew I was a picky eater. We both loved music. I remember going over and banging on her organ. I think there might even be a picture of a little me playing on the organ at Grandma's. Between her and my mom they tag team taught me how to read music at a very young age...and I have been doing it ever since. I rocked music class in 3rd grade because of all the Rodgers and Hammerstein songs I used to play. My grandma taught me it was ok to sing in church. She used to get out the little hymnal and point along and sing...and during the Our Father...she would always give my hand a little squeeze. And she was forever singing songs to her grandchildren. Every time my sister walked in the door when we were little she would sing "k-k-k-katie" And she sang "Where the River Shannon Flows" for me. She was so excited to tell me they flew into Shannon airport in Ireland.

When we were sick as kids we always wanted to go to Grandma's house. Because there was a good chance that you were going to get to lay on the couch and watch The Price is Right and there was a better chance that you were going to get a Happy Meal for lunch. And when all the girl cousins got together for girls weekend with Grandma, you knew you were going to get spoiled rotten! Grandma spoiled us rotten all the time. I think she's the reason I have an unhealthy obsession with skittles. I remember her bringing me bags of them as a kid when they would stop by the house to visit.

Her grandchildren and her children were her life and we all knew it. She had the Wall of Fame that was her refridgerator and when you were in the paper for something, it got posted on the fridge. She used to rotate her pictures on her shelves so that no one grandchild was on the bottom too long...can't have anyone getting jealous. She attended all the concerts, competitions, horse shows, cow shows and musicals. She got mad at the field band judges for not knowing that Central Square should win and she got mad at the cow show judges because Katie was so cute with her little cow, she should automatically get first. Seriously, I think we had to hold her back at State Fair one year, she was so mad at one judge that she really wanted to give him what for. All the granddaughters were always so beautiful, no matter what we were wearing or looked like at the time.

And she loved my grandfather. They were like 2 peas in a pod. My biological grandfather died before I was born and she married my grandfather when I was one and I can't imagine her being with anyone else. They truly loved each other and its what I hope I find for myself someday. He took such good care of her always. They traveled, they had their camp and they loved their kids. I was so blessed to have 2 such wonderful people in my life. I worry about my grandpa now. I know he'll be ok. I know that he feels relief in knowing that she isn't suffering anymore. But I can't imagine him without my grandma. I know how difficult it must be for him and I can't imagine the hurt he must be going through. But he's lucky because he still has all of us to share his grief with him and to love him as much as we loved her.

I am going to learn how to crochet. Maybe not tomorrow, but at some point in the future. My grandma really enjoyed that in her younger days and she made all of us an afghan. My grandfather says that she used to crochet blankets because she was always cold and she like to have something serving a purpose while she was making something for the grandkids. And its just so wonderful to have that reminder of her. And she did teach all the granddaughters how to crochet...and I kind of remember but I'm sure a google search could refresh my memory.

The only thing I regret is that she never got to hold a great grandchild. I kind of feel a little responsibility for that because I was the oldest...but its not like I can say...hmm think I'm going to pop out a kid today. But I know that when the first great grandchild does come, she'll be there in some way, shape or form.

I could go on for pages and pages and I have been writing this post for about 4 hours now. So I think I should wrap it up.

My grandmother's one piece of wisdom to me every time an obstacle came up in my life was, "Shannon, you will be a better person for this." It didn't matter if I got rejected from college or was scared about moving to Utah. She always told me that I would be a better person. And its really hard and I am sad right now, but Grandma was right, I am a better person because I had her in my life.

That is all.

2007-10-25T12:29:00.000-06:00

I have been updating more frequently…so I am attempting to keep up the trend.

Today I saw a guy drive away from a gas pump with the nozzle still in his gas tank. Guys always say that it is women that do stupid things like that, but I beg to differ. I have never seen a woman do it…and today, I saw a guy do it. Point proven.

Monday Rockies World Series tickets went on sale. And everyone crashed the server. I tried for 3 hours on Tuesday to get tickets…to no avail. I am way excited the Red Sox are in the Series…but not $700 excited. Blah! Go Sox!

So lately I have been thinking about how long I have been living in Utah. I think it started when I realized that my car has almost 14,000 miles on it. That means that I have owned it for 14 months. Then I got to thinking about all the places I have driven that car and all the stuff that has happened in my life since I bought that car. And it hit me just how quickly the time is going (and I don’t want one comment about how my biological clock is ticking, because I’m way too young for that). Now I don’t mean to get all sentimental and crap but wow, the time is really flying. 3 of my good friends will be leaving here in the next 2 months and who knows how often I will get to see them. Now don’t get me wrong, if someone offered me a chance to leave tomorrow, I would probably take it because lets face it I am alone in single hell, but I am enjoying it while I am here…if for nothing else than the opportunity to be angsty and pick on dumb people.

Enough sentimentalness, other news…hmm let’s see. Kid Rock was in a brawl in Waffle House. Raise your hand if you are surprised…didn’t think so. I can’t think of a more white trash place for the white trash ring leader to get into a brawl. It’s not nearly as classy as his VMA brawl over Pamela Anderson.

I just realized how lame my life is when I try to update every day. I’ll try to bring more angst next time.

That is all.

2007-10-23T19:44:00.000-06:00

Salt Lake news never fails to amuse me.

So this morning the top story on the news: not the CA wildfires, not the war or anything of substance…the top news story…

Marie Osmond passed out on Dancing With the Stars. Are you serious, all the news in the world and this is the most important story?! I bet she was faking it so she would stopped getting yelled at by Len Goodman.

Next news story: The LDS church responds to the CA wildfires. Here were the things that the LDS church made sure that they addressed.

Below is the LDS Church's response to the California wildfires so far:

1. All missionaries are safe.

2. Full-time missionaries in the San Diego area are helping at temporary shelters and providing evacuation assistance.

3. Ten meetinghouses are being used as temporary shelters. In several locations, occupants have been moved from one meetinghouse to another as mandatory evacuation areas have expanded.

4. To date, no Church buildings have been destroyed or severely damaged.

5. Damage assessment and the need for humanitarian assistance are still being evaluated as evacuation orders are lifted.

6. At the request of the mayor of San Diego, two truckloads of blankets and processed food are being delivered to evacuees in Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego; one this evening and the second tomorrow morning.

7. Commodities have been provided from bishops’ storehouses to meetinghouses used as temporary shelters.

First of all, why did the LDS church feel the need to respond to the wildfires? The fires aren't in Utah and LDS is a church, not a fire department. Stop issuing unnecessary press releases. Secondly,umm yeah, about that #4…I know if my house were going to become a fiery inferno the first thing I would worry about is whether my church was destroyed or not. If I were God I would burn those churches right to the ground, to the ground I say, because in a crisis like this infrastructure should be the last thing addressed and especially not before food and shelter needs. Lastly, you have missionaries doing real charitable work! That's certainly a first! I hope they don't dirty those nice black suits. Also, those bicycles are ill-equipped to help in an evacuation. Bet they didn't prepare for that in seminary.

Another thing I learned today. Seminary is taught in the public schools here in Utah. Yes, that's right seminary. As in religion. As in Mormon religion. In the public schools. Separation of church and state deez nuts! No wonder people are pushing for vouchers for private schools. Just another reason for me to want to not pay taxes to the state of Utah.

I guess this was a pretty angst filled post...but it happens some days. Now if you'll excuse me its time for me to go be a spinster with my fuzzy slippers, bathrobe and 2 cats.

That is all.

2007-10-22T20:26:00.000-06:00

Appropriate Dress in the Workplace

When I first got to Hill last year I got the appropriate dress in the workplace spiel from several of my superiors. Yes, because I really do dress like a whore or have whorish tendencies. At the time I was really offended because I may be young, but I know what is and is not appropriate for work. Today I realized why I got the spiel I got. I was sitting in the office talking with my program manager when Miss Hawaiian Tropics walks down the hall (and no I am not being sarcastic...she really was a Hawaiian Tropics model.) Anyways, my program manager's head just about snapped off his shoulders and then he looked at me and said, "Are we in Vegas?" To which I responded a little too quickly and much too loudly, "Perhaps some people should be given the spiel about appropriate dress in the workplace again." Then I swear it was her goal to walk by our office as many times as humanely possible so that every time I could make some sarcastic comment about a Britney Spears flash or that I would rather have a brain than a body...cause let me tell you, after a couple of kids...she'll lose that body.

Now I don't know why it bothered me so much, but it did. I felt like I was stuck in that episode of 30 Rock where Liz Lemmon is offended by the way that the secretary dresses. I don't care that she dresses rather promiscicously in the workplace, and better her get attention than me...because that attention is all from sketchy old married men...and I know I don't need any of that mess. But on a certain level I was totally offended. Maybe because bimbos like her make it harder for men to take young women seriously. Maybe I was just jealous because Miss Size 0 looked better in the short skirt than I will ever look in anything. Regardless, I know that when I walk down the hall I know that men's heads will not snap off their shoulders...and looking at the men I work with...I am completely ok with that.

That is all!

2007-10-21T16:23:00.000-06:00

Time for another update

It was another fun weekend in the Cuse. Good times, good friends. I was so impressed when I found out that people actually read this blog! I thought that all my hits were just my mom and my aunt checking on a daily basis. So I promise to attempt to be entertaining and update more frequently!

The trip up to Syracuse was rather stressful. The flight from Salt Lake to Atlanta was very uneventful which was awesome. However, that’s where the uneventfulness ended. I ran from one terminal to another just making my Atlanta flight. The plane takes off almost on time…all is good. However, we get half an hour from when we were supposed to land and the captain comes on the intercom and informs us that we are going back to Atlanta. Apparently, because “we are not cleared to fly through icy conditions.” I immediately know that’s crap because its 50 in Syracuse. I realize that 30,000 feet in the air it could be icy…but planes fly through that crap from September to May…this shouldn’t be a big deal. So we go back to Atlanta. After we land they come on the intercom and inform us that there was something wrong with the plane and the engine could have iced up. Awesome. They take us all off the plane and make us wait by the gate. We weren’t allowed to leave the gate for more than 10 minutes at a time because they didn’t want us to hold up the new plane, should they actually get one to the gate at a respectable hour. So for 2.5 hours I sat outside the gate and waited for a new aircraft. That trip went from being my shortest trip to Syracuse to my longest. 5.5 hours later than I was supposed to, I landed in Syracuse. Yay!

The rest of the weekend was…interesting. To protect the innocent, I’ll just say that overall…I had a fantastic time.

Monday it was back to Salt Lake. To mentally prepare myself to return I made sure to wear my BYU Drinking Team Shirt. For those of you that don’t know a bunch of my friends and I made up BYU drinking team shirts, that have the BYU logo on the front, although instead of the huge Y there is a martini glass, and a quote from the bible on the back about drinking. (Just to drive home the point that, yes, Jesus did indeed drink, so you can too.) My fellow Utah dwellers find them highly offensive, but I say that if you can’t have a sense of humor about stupid things like this…then you deserve to get offended by me. These t-shirts are especially funny since it was a huge news story in Salt Lake about BYU being the most sober school in the US for the 10th year in a row. Whoo…what an accomplishment. Anyways, so I’m trying to mentally prep myself to go back as I am boarding the plane. And I get to my seat which I had strategically chosen when I booked my flight. I was on the aisle with my left leg in the aisle…near the tv….good place to be. Anyways, so I sit down and the woman in the middle seat is yelling to the back of the plane at her 18 kids. And they want her to move back there with them or trade seats or something. Anyways, I basically get asked to move. Which I politely declined, I was already way too stressed out from traveling to be a saint. So she yells back that I refuse to trade making me look like some big meanie. Well someone else offered to trade and all was well. So I am observing people getting on the plane when this kind of tall guy with a Yankees hat asks the girl in the exit row to give up her seat. She automatically does, no questions asked and he tells her that he would buy her a drink. She tells him that she doesn’t want a drink and moves to the back of the plane. This is important for several reasons. 1. Only in Utah would a woman automatically get up and move to the back of the plane with no questions asked. 2. Only in Utah would a woman refuse a free drink. So then the flight attendant gets on the intercom and tells us that we are cleared to leave the gate to fly to Salt Lake and people cheered. Not even kidding. Freaking cheered. Only on a flight to Utah would people actually cheer when they are told that they will be heading to their destination. But I digress.

So I made it back to Utah without slapping a Stepford wife and all was well. One piece of my luggage didn’t make it, but the airline knew where it was and dropped it off at my apartment at 4:30 am.

This past week was very stressful. Both of my grandmas ended up in the hospital for different reasons, the AF stopped paying my student loans and just in general I had a very stressful bad week. Friday night I went to Wendover, NV with the boys and got home at 5:30am. It was nice to get out of Utah if only for a few hours. The rest of the weekend was pretty chill. Today I pretended to be domestic. I made 2 whole apple pies (even the crust was homemade!) and I didn't even burn down the apartment! There may be hope for my domestic skills yet!

Other than that...not much else going on. Looking forward to my trips coming up and a 4 day week!

That is all.

2007-09-26T16:09:00.000-06:00

Updating again!

I have been meaning to update this for awhile, but I have been so busy in my work and personal life I just haven’t had time. I suppose being so busy is a good thing though…it keeps me out of trouble…sort of.

So last week I went to Florida for work. It’s always nice to go to Florida, except when there is a tropical depression developing in the Gulf…like there was last week. It rained the whole trip and they had hurricane crazies flying into the Gulf to see if it would become a hurricane…which thankfully, it didn’t. Other than that I learned a lot and it was good to get out of the office and out of the state of Utah. Friday after I got home I went straight to the golf course and played golf with the boys. I am apparently one of the bros now as I have been told several times by the brother I never wanted to have. Anyways, they treat me like one of the guys and it’s fun to go golfing with them. So I get to the golf course and I am preparing to walk into the club house and I feel automatically uncomfortable. There are 6 guys sitting outside talking and they all stop and look at me when I walk up. So I walk into the club house and this older guy working the counter looks at me and says, “You can’t golf in that!” I looked at him in disbelief and I said, “Really?” I really did believe him for almost a second. I was wearing khaki pants and a sleeveless Ralph Lauren polo shirt. I was figuring the sleeveless was too risqué and that’s why I wasn’t allowed to wear it. And he said, “Yeah you can’t golf in that…you’re dressed too nice.” So I roll my eyes and tell him that I just want to check in and get on with my game. So I meet up with the crew and we get to the 1st hole. There were 2 couples in front of us that were getting ready to tee off. Erik asked them if they were teeing off on the 10th hole and if they were ready to start or if they were waiting for someone. He said it very politely and meant no disrespect. Just if you aren’t going to tee off, get your butts out of the way so we can. The guy turns around and says, “Yeah we’re teeing off unless you want to pay us $500 to let you go first.” Erik laughs and says, “No, that’s ok.” The guy then says, “Come on, that’s only $125 per person...well actually it should be $150 for the little lady and then it would make it $115 for you guys.” I looked totally appalled and looked the guy straight in the eye and said, “This is why I f*$king hate this state.” He pretended not to hear or maybe didn’t hear and then proceeded to tee off. Meanwhile Justin came up and asked what was said. I said, “I am so sick of this state and all of these male chauvinists up in here.” (Probably much louder than I should have.) The couple played on ahead but I was constantly on the look out for when I could “accidentally” slice a ball and hit the guy in the head. And just what was the wife doing when her husband was acting like a jackass? She was just sitting in the passenger side of the golf cart with a ridiculous Stepford wife smile on her face. I wouldn’t be heartbroken if we never golfed at that course again.

Two weeks ago a coworker sends me an article about how guys want cute not smart girls. This then provoked a whole big thing about how I need to get another cat, a fuzzy bathrobe and slippers and some hot rollers and call it good because I would never get married. I’m not even kidding you it was like an episode of 30 Rock where everyone picks on Tina Fey for being single…same thing. So while this big discussion is going on a guy walks by my cube and says, “Yeah Shannon, you need to dumb it down.” What the heck? Was it pick on me day or something? I realize I am an old maid in this state. I realize I may never have a date again…but jeez is it really necessary to rub it in? Of course this was the conversation where I learned that I was one of the bros and the reason I was one of the bros was because I was intimidating. So not only am I a brother, but I’m intimidating. Fantastic. This is just awesome for my social life. Moving on.

This past weekend we had a block party at a friend’s house. The block party would have been awesome had it been in any other state…but in this state…it was basically all my friends and a few neighbors. Still a good time though. They made Jungle Juice…which I think of as Tuba Punch, and we played Jungle Juice pong. This was the first time that I had participated in any such drinking games since my senior year of college and it made me a bit nostalgic…although the house was nicer than the ones in college and I got to come home to an empty apartment at the end of the night.

Speaking of nostalgia I saw the SU football team beat Louisville. I was surprised that every sports network out here wasn’t covering BYU that day (because clearly that is the only school to care about if you live in Utah) but for some reason the altitude sports network was carrying a Big East game (I know Big East and altitude don’t go together). So SU beat a ranked team for the first time in 3 years…still does not want to make me buy a ticket for the homecoming game though. So homecoming weekend when everyone else is in the dome…I will probably be chilling somewhere else with some good food.

Other than that things are rolling along, and there is snow on the mountains…almost time for me to learn how to ski (yikes!).

That is all.

2007-09-02T23:19:00.000-06:00

There really are no black people in this state...

So this past weekend was really quiet around here. Most of my friends were out of town, so I decided to seek some solace on my own. Friday I went up to Park City and drove from Park City to Wyoming. If you ever want to drive in the middle of nowhere with mountains completely surrounding you, the Park City to Wyoming trek is the way to go. In Wyoming I made a stop to get some real beer. I don't usually drink beer, but I did so because I could buy a pack of Sam Adams Cherry Wheat at the regular strength for less than $14 a 6 pack. Also, it is totally illegal to bring it back across the Utah border, which made me want to do it all the more. From Wyoming I then drove up to Bear Lake and then came back down through Logan back to Layton. It was a long drive, but it was theraputic. On Saturday I decided that since I didn't take a summer vacation anywhere exotic I was going to drive back up to Bear Lake and spend the day lounging by the lake. At Bear Lake you can just pull off the road and drive your car down the beach until you find an acceptable spot and then park, pull out the picnic basket and lounge. Yes, park your car on the sand...like 2 feet from the water. So bizarre. Anyways,I spent a good portion of the day doing that, and it was awesome.

On the way home I passed the high school next door to me that has an electronic bulletin board. Usually it scrolls game times, concerts and upcoming events. Well today it had a joke written on it. There are clearly no black people in this state because the joke said, "Why does P Diddy carry an umbrella?" The answer was, "In case of drizzle." First of all it's not P Diddy that adds the izzles...it's Snoop Dogg and 2nd of all the answer should have been Fo' drizzle. I'm white and I know that. It was clearly someone who has never been introduced to the pop culture of America who wrote that, but I would expect nothing less in Utah. I'm done with my rant.

September 5th...successfully employed for a full year!

That is all!

2007-08-30T19:52:00.000-06:00

Only in Utah…

I have lived in Utah for over a year now and I am still amazed by the number of stories that I hear on the news that make me shake my head and say, “Only in Utah.” For example, there was a story on ABC 4 this morning about a girl that wants to be in the Guinness World Record Book for hugging the most number of people. First, why is this newsworthy? Second, who wants to hug 765 strangers? But wait, it took place at the LDS Edgemont North Stake Church party. And their planets are totally going to be next to hers with their 5 wives when they die…so they aren’t really strangers right? The girl’s quote made the whole story even better, “It was like we were herding cattle, but it was totally exiting because it was like all these people are going to be part of this experience.” Like totally yeah! I am totally like going to run out right now and write a letter to all of my friends telling them that I totally was part of this record. I know that I should stop making fun of people’s sheltered lives and there are a lot of silly records out there and at least this one spreads goodwill…so I should just stop ranting. But I can’t believe that this is newsworthy…although I grew up in an area that covered a world record for making snow angels…so maybe I can’t make fun.

In other news, I have lived in Utah for over a year now. Holy crap. I didn’t implode on myself, I didn’t die, I lived alone, made some friends and didn’t harm any Mormons in the process. I deserve a gold star. In honor of that allow me to reflect on the past year. (The following is a bit long, sometimes a bit mushy and I hope…a little funny just a warning.)

In the past year I have actually only lived in Utah for 297 days. Yes, that’s right I spent 68 days out of the state, thanks mostly to things called TDYs or Temporary Duty Y’all (honestly I don’t know why the Y is there). TDYs are a glorious thing invented by the military that allows people like me to spend time in wonderful places like Anaheim, CA, Clearwater, FL, Heath, OH and Boston. The purpose is so that I can recharge my batteries and make the trek from Salt Lake Airport to Layton on I-15 without strangling a soccer mom (or perhaps I am supposed to learn something when I go on these trips…but I digress). Which brings me to my next point.

Utah drivers. They suck. They don’t understand that the left lane is for passing. Also, when the sign says 65 that is not a suggestion…it’s a law. And laws are made to be broken. When they sign says 65, it really means 70…especially if you are in the left lane that is meant for passing. Utants also can’t merge worth a damn. This point was driven home just this morning as I was taking Kelly to the airport. It’s hard to explain in a blog but to simplify it instead of merging like a normal human being the Utant decided to slam on his brakes. This caused me to then slam on my brakes and Kelly to go into my windshield, thus putting me in a state of pissed off that I have not been in a long time. To all Utah drivers: Don’t piss of a New Yorker before he/she has had a chance to drink coffee in the morning. Don’t do it. Period. Otherwise you risk losing your front bumper, which is almost what happened today.

While you are driving down said freeway attempting not to strangle someone driving badly you may also have a rock fall from the sky and hit your windshield. Case in point, July 4th I was driving up to Ogden to go hiking. It’s early, like 7:15. There is no one around. No one. Not a car, not a semi, no construction…nothing. Out of the middle of nowhere a rock falls from the freaking sky and hits my windshield leaving a bullet sized crack. I went and got it fixed and a few days later I was driving back from Salt Lake late one night and another rock falls from the sky and puts a 2 inch crack in my hood. I think God is punishing me for not being Mormon, married, barefoot and pregnant. Which brings me to my next lesson/observation.

This culture…it’s not American. I’m not sure what it is but it ranks up there with fundamental Islam. I can’t count on 2 hands and 2 feet how many times I have been asked if I was married, engaged, dating or had children. And then when I say that I am none of those things…I get looked at as if I am going to die of cancer tomorrow. It’s ridiculous. In any other part of the country those kind of questions might get you a punch in the face. Not here. It’s accepted…it’s normal…and it’s down right freaking rude. Also, asking if I’m LDS is also rude. I don’t go around asking these people if they are wearing their Jesus Jammies today (Mormon underwear). Same principle…don’t ask me what religion I am or whether or not I have a significant other. It’s none of your damn business unless I want to tell you. In which case, if I did want to tell you…I would have already. And I am all for people being wholesome and pure or whatever you want to call it…but don’t treat me like I am a bad person if I’m not. If I bring in my cup of coffee to work in the morning…don’t stare at me (because secretly I know you are jealous and you yearn to drink satan’s tears too...just to have that kickstart…mmmm caffeine…so sinful). When I talk about grabbing an alcoholic drink on the weekend with 10 of my closest friends don’t get all huffy and walk out of the cube. Wait on second thought…please do…we didn’t want you in there in the first place. It’s one thing to be a wholesome person…it’s quite another to be an arrogant prick. Which leads me to my next point.

Utah has learned some things about me too. I am not going to marry young and pop out 15 kids and stay home and have my husband be a condescending prick on the phone to me. It’s just not going to happen. Yes, I am single, yes I have a masters, and no I don’t plan to give up my career anytime soon. So deal with it. You are going to have to deal with me in the office whether you like it or not, condescending men…so do us all a favor by not acting like jerks. Moving on.

This year was difficult. I had never even visited the state of Utah before I moved there. I knew one person…my buddy Amanda but she was up at Utah State being a grad student and I know how crazy that is…so I knew I wouldn’t see her that often. I moved into an apartment that was less than I had expected. I had to get used to the idea that it would take me 12 hours to get home when I needed to. I had no Wegman’s out here. I had no good bagel and coffee shops and no decent apples. It is hotter than Hades in the summer and cold in the winter. The first 2 weeks I was out here I felt like a lizard and I drank water like it was my job. I had to adjust to altitude…it sounds easy…but it wasn’t. Walking up a flight of stairs would make me winded. I had more free time than I ever had in my whole life. I caught up on movies and books that I had wanted to see and read for awhile. I made some awesome friends! I was more social than I had ever been in my life. I lost some friends and was more hurt than I had ever been before in my life. I acquired a kitten and then the jokes about me being a crazy cat lady started. (I only have 2 cats! 3 or more makes a crazy cat lady!!!) I sat in a to scale launch facility for the largest missile in the US arsenal. I flew an F-35 in a simulator. I propelled my body down an icy slope at almost 60 miles an hour with inches between my body and the ice. I rode a crazy horse on beautiful Western desert mountains. I hiked with some cool people. I skied for the first time in my life. I golfed. I sat on my balcony and watched birds build a nest in my dryer vent. I learned that you can make acronyms out of acronyms.

A lot of people ask me how I like Utah. I always say, “It’s different.” That’s true. It is different. Then I get asked if I regret moving out there. I don’t regret anything. Every experience that I have had for better or worse, has made me the person I am today (a wise man once told me that). I’d like to think that it was for the better. I think I am stronger today than I was a year ago. I think I am more sarcastic and have a more biting tongue today than I did a year ago. I never used to put up with anybody’s crap…now I REALLY don’t put up with anybody’s crap. It’s also a good thing that I am on sort of a quasi contract where if I quit I would have to pay back a ton of my student loans that the government has already paid…because if I didn’t have that holding me here…I might not have stayed past month 2.

So what’s on my horizon? In the immediate future, a pay raise. Then I am excited about being in 2 weddings next year. The first will be my friend Kelly’s, I met her out here and I could not ask for a better voice of reason and I am honored that I get to be in her wedding. The second will be for my awesome cousin Mandi as her maid of honor!!!!!!!! So excited!!! I love Mandi and CJ, and they are so adorable they make me want to throw up in my mouth a little, but they are the perfect pair (I’ll save the rest of my spiel for the speech at the wedding.) Perhaps this winter I will get out skiing a little bit more than I did last winter. I am also going to try to take the military physical fitness test. This coming from the girl that couldn’t run a mile in high school…now I have to run 1.5 miles! So I have to get training for that. I have some cool trips coming up including one where I am told that I will come face to face with a nuclear warhead…literally. So we’ll see how that goes. Do I love Utah, absolutely not. But I am attempting to make the best of it while I am here and I am glad that I am here because I would have never just woke up one morning and said, “Hey I want to live in Utah.” People just don’t do that. So I’m glad that I was made to do it.

That is all.

2007-08-27T12:15:00.001-06:00

It has been a busy summer!

So last week I returned from NY again after going to yet another wedding. I had a blast and it was great to see all of my family again. The weekend was unfortunately much too short…especially when you stay up all night long. As a result, I missed my flight to Salt Lake on Sunday morning. It didn’t really break my heart that much though because I was able to rebook for the next day at no charge. (I think the lady felt bad for me because she was lecturing me about being at the airport an hour and a half early and I was telling her that there was no need to lecture me on that fact because I am one of the most traveled people I know…oh yeah and I was also in tears…that helps too.) Then I proceeded to call my boss and take a sick day. So it all worked out.

Before I left for NY I noticed that birds were flying back into my dryer vent. Again! I sat there on a Saturday on my balcony and watched them do it! The vent cover was stuck up and they were carrying in twigs and whatnot to build another nest! I was so mad I was ready to take a lighter, go outside and burn the freaking nest. I complained again to the front office and told them to put some wire over the vent so this stops happening. Apparently this was an idea that had never occurred to them, but 2 days later, there was wire over the dryer vent, so hopefully I won’t have anymore bird issues.

This past Saturday Kelly dragged me to a bridal show. Ok, she didn’t drag me…I went willingly, but the only reason I went was because I knew that she needed someone to try on all the bridesmaid dresses. So we got to the show an hour early and stood in line waiting to be let in. Apparently the first 100 people in line also got a goodie bag because we were handed this bag with all the things in it that we would need for a good Mormon wedding. Let me tell you going to a bridal show in the state of Utah is an experience like no other. First off, Kelly and I showed up in line and the average age in the line rose drastically. Every single “bride” in that line looked like they were 18, which to be honest, they probably were. So we are standing there in line and we are looking around and I realize that some of these brides have brought their fiancés. The couple at the very front of the line might as well have given up their Mormon virginity in the line, they were showing that much PDA. I looked at them and then said to Kelly, (probably louder than I should have), “That kid’s balls probably just dropped last week. Look at him…he’s like 15.” (Which I found out from a book in my goodie bag is an acceptable age to get married in the state of Utah as long as you have parental consent.) This comment elicited dirty looks from all the good Mormon mothers, but Kelly laughed so hard I thought frappucino was going to come out of her nose. (Not only were we rolling our eyes at 18 year olds, we were also drinking Satan’s tears (coffee).) Kelly then looks at the back of the line and said, “It looks like a freaking high school back there.” Again, this was probably said much louder than it should have been and it elicited more dirty looks from the 36 year old moms. So we are standing in line and I just looked at her and I said, “You are lucky I am your friend…because there is no way in hell I would subject myself to this torture this early on a Saturday morning if I weren’t.” At which point the show got much worse. The 16 year olds that were modeling wedding dresses came prancing into the hotel. We were still waiting to be let into the ballroom and we were watching these models walk into the room in the finest temple garb money can buy (all $200 worth which from listening to the people behind us talk, is all these young Mormons can afford to spend on their dresses... because they are like 18 and don’t have real incomes yet.) Every single dress that was being modeled had short sleeves and longer. Apparently God also disapproves of shoulders because there was not a halter, spaghetti strap or strapless dress in the bunch. Kelly pointed out maybe that was because they needed to hide their fancy underwear underneath the dress…that could be as well…but we didn’t ask anyone so we don’t have an answer. At this point they decided to let us into the expo. We started out at the Bed, Bath and Beyond booth and quickly decided that this was not the place for us. I can’t count how many times people looked at me and asked when I was getting married or if I was already married. When I explained I was there for moral support they all had this, “Aww I’m sorry look.” You know the look…it’s the same look that a doctor would give you if he was telling you that you were dying of a terminal cancer in 2 weeks. So I pretty much felt like and was treated like a leper for the remainder of the expo. After about 15 minutes Kelly decided she had enough and we headed out. We then went to David’s Bridal where I tried on a number of bridesmaid dresses and she found one that she liked. Then we hit up about 2-3 more bridal stores and called it a day. So we think that she may have narrowed down the choice of bridesmaid dresses down to 2. And the wedding is still a year away…so we have plenty of time.

I had a concert last night. It was long but it was fun. It’s good to be playing my French horn again…although now that I have joined the band I was informed that they have a 2 month hiatus coming up…but whatever.

I think that’s all I have to update for now. Next update will be a reflection on the past year because I hit my one year mark living in Utah on Saturday and I will hit my one year mark at my job next Wednesday.

That is all.

2007-08-02T16:21:00.001-06:00

Whew it has been a busy couple of weeks!

I haven’t updated in awhile because I have been out of town and had limited access to the internets. My trip started out with an extended layover in Cincinnati, OH whoo! I was supposed to get into Boston at 5:15, where I would then pick up a car and be on the road by 6. Well I got into Boston at 8:45 and proceeded to pick up an extremely ghetto rental from an extremely ghetto facility. When I say ghetto…I mean ghetto. The guy behind me was telling me about the bodyguard business he had in Fort Lauderdale, Chicago and Boston. Oh yeah, and he had a grill. Anywhos, so I get the car key and it tells me that I should be looking for a red Impala. I go out to the parking lot and there is a white Impala. I know it isn’t that big of a deal but even the registration says red…so I questioned the lady about it on my way out of the parking lot. She said, well the license plates match on the agreement and the car. Yeah, like plates aren’t switchable. At this point I could have cared less however because its raining and I’m tired and I still have to drive another 5 hours. (Which in hindsight was stupid, I know.) So I finally get on the road at 10 pm. After much rain, construction and auto lights coming on in the car I reached my destination at 3am. The rest of the weekend was spent hanging out with friends and family. Good times all around.

Sunday I drove back to Boston to attend a class, and I totally would have made it there in 4.5 hours but I spent 45 minutes trying to figure out where the base was. If you have never been to Hanscom AFB…it’s not very easy to find. So I check into my hotel on base and decide I need to eat dinner. The only good thing about living in Utah is that I know if I want dinner at 10:30 at night and I don’t care where I eat, there are 2 24 hour grease joints I can go to. Apparently in little ol Massachusetts there weren’t too many of those. So I grab some fast food and head back to the base. The only problem is the gate that I went into the first time and the gate that I left through…closed at 10. So by this point I am ready to park my butt right in front of the gate and spend the night in my car when I remember that I have the number for the hotel with me. I also had enough foresight to bring the page in the hotel binder with the base map. So I call the hotel and ask which gate is the 24 hour gate and she told me and hung up. Which was fine, but I realize that the map doesn’t label all the gates for me. But me being the observant person I am recall that when I was attempting to find food, I saw a sign for this gate…I just had to remember where I had seen it. Well to make a short story long…I found the gate and finally got to bed at midnight.

The class that I had to take was AWESOME! My group was the loud group (imagine that!) and we generally got along for the most part. There were several times when several members of my group were butting heads and I just wanted to shake them and say, “This isn’t real! Quit fighting and let’s get this done so I can go to lunch!” I met some real cool people though and the instructors were great! The instructors definitely make the class and mine were way cool! I also was one of four people that got a 100 in the class, so I felt like it was AF money well spent and not just some cheap excuse for me to spend some time in Boston.

So, the course ended and I drove back to Syracuse. For those of you that live on the east coast, you are probably thinking that I am crazy for doing all this back and forth from Boston to Syracuse. Let me tell you, living in Utah gives you a whole different perspective on long distance driving. 300 miles is nothing! I went to a wedding on Saturday that went generally well…except for all the obnoxiously drunk people…but it’s a wedding I guess that happens. I spent some more time with the fam and then I drove back to Boston on Monday. Well no, it didn’t go exactly like that…Monday morning I was getting ready to leave. My dad pulls in the driveway and my mom says, “Aww he came home from work to say bye to you.” He then runs in the house declares that we have cows running up and down Route 11 and that we need to be outside now! I wake up my sister, who doesn’t even flinch…she just goes from sound asleep to glasses on, to out the door in 1 movement (It also helps that she was already wearing windpants and a t-shirt.) So we all go running out and sure enough the stupid animals are all out of the fence and in the corn and the woods and heading for the road…it sucked. I am glad that I have been running sprints! So we finally get everyone back in where they are supposed to be and I smell like part cow and part corn…but there really was no time for a full up shower so I just changed back into what I was wearing before and hit the road like a bat out of hell because I am now an hour and a half behind schedule. I made it from Syracuse to Logan Airport in 4.5 hours, including a stop at the liquor store on Thompson Road so I could get Kelly some wine and 2 gas stops. But I made my flight so that’s all that matters. So I get to the airport with plenty of time to spare. I had a bottle of soda with me that I had every intention of drinking and since you can’t bring more than 3 oz of liquid through security I was chilling outside security in a chair, reading. So I am not really paying all that much attention to my surroundings but I notice this family near me acting very antsy. I look up to see what all the commotion was about and lo and behold there is John Kerry in all his botox glory standing at the Delta counter. So me being slightly amused start paying attention to what he does. Like a normal person John Kerry had to check his bags at the ticket counter…he didn’t use no sissy sky cap. However, when he was done with his checking in he powerwalked (much to the dismay of his short legged minion) to the state troopers over yonder. One of the troopers then proceeded to escort him around security. Now I know that this shouldn’t be surprising or that I shouldn’t get this fired up about it…but damn it, if you are going to make retarded laws about airline safety then you should have to suffer the consequences of said retarded laws. So anyways, he gets escorted around security and then I’m sure he boarded his wife’s private jet and flew to DC. So that was my amusement for the day. I returned to Utah fairly unscathed.

On Tuesday I was talking to a coworker who said he had been out late at the DCI competition the night before. I was completely shocked that Utah would hold such an event because we seem more like “Annie Get Your Gun” than “Drumline.” He said that his wife had played in the concert before and then they had stayed for the show. I said, “Concert? Band? What?” Apparently Ogden city has a band and apparently they are half way decent…like they have auditions and stuff. So he gives me the info and I email the director. The director emails back the same day and says come to practice on Wednesday to listen to a rehearsal and see if you want to join. Having the foresight to think ahead, I brought my horn with me but left it in the car. So I show up at rehearsal and I am listening to them play when the director says, “You know we are missing a lot of people tonight…do you have your own horn and do you by chance have it with you?” Now I have not picked up my French horn in any serious capacity in over 2 years (I played mellophone over a year ago…but I don’t think sitrus counts). So I apprehensively bring in the horn and played with the band. I know that I was no Dennis Brain (an amazing horn player for you non music geeks) but I wasn’t half bad…there were some nice cracked notes and partial issues…but overall relatively successful. So at the end of rehearsal the director informs me that there is a concert on Monday and that I should play. So I am playing in a concert on Monday…should be a good laugh if nothing else. At the end of rehearsal this other guy walks up to me and introduces himself and says, “Hey, we have this semi-professional orchestra in Salt Lake and we are always looking for horns. Would you like to play with us?” So now I am getting gigs, which is sweet. All because some coworker randomly mentioned he went to a DCI show. We band nerds really get around.

Other than that it has been a pretty busy week at work trying to catch up on all the stuff that I missed while I was gone.

That is all!

2007-07-17T11:18:00.001-06:00

When I was a little girl I wanted to be Snow White, after the past couple weeks I think I would have been terrible at being Snow White. I would have kicked those little squirrels and birds right out of my dirt floor cottage.

So last night I came home and thought…dang those birds are loud. Then I realized that it sounded like they were coming from my laundry room. So I listened at my laundry room door and dang those birds were in my laundry room. So me being the smart kid I am, I didn’t open the door and went straight to the front office. That is, after all why we have a front office. So anyways, I go to the front office and I told them that I had a bird in my laundry room. They looked at me and said, “You don’t have a bird in your laundry room.” To which I responded, “Yes, I do!.” They said that they would send someone over to check it out. So a few minutes later Carlos walks in. Picture the following dialogue happening in a latin accent.

“Yo man, I hear you got a bird in your laundry room.”

“Yes…let me show you.” And I lead him to the laundry room.

He opens the door and looks in and said, “Man there ain’t no bird in your laundry room.”

“Just stand there and listen.” Sure enough there was some rather loud chirping.

“Oh man, you got a bird in your dryer hose. What we gotta do is turn on the dryer and the bird won’t like the heat, so it will just fly outta there.”

“Ok, sounds good to me, turn on the dryer.”

2 minutes later we turn the dryer off and there is still chirping.

“Oh man, we gotta pull your dryer out.”

So he pulls out the dryer and takes off the dryer hose.

“Oh man, we got a baby in here. Here, hold this.” So he hands me the dryer hose with the baby bird in it. He proceeds to poke around in the vent and then I hear, “Oh man, these birds are in your dryer…we gotta get this outta here.” The radio comes out. “Hey boss, we gotta get this dryer out here…she’s got birds.”

The other guy shows up and they move the dryer out of my apartment and into the hallway. Sure enough there are 2 baby birds in the back of the dryer.

“Oh man, I think these birds are gonna die.”

“Well they shouldn’t have built the nest in my dryer vent should they?”

Carlos definitely felt worse about this than I did.

“Ok, now we are gonna move your dryer back in your apartment, ok man.”

I walk into my laundry room and listen and I said, “Oh no you are not moving that back in here. Listen!”

“Oh man, they are in your vent too! Well we are just gonna have to wait until they fall out. What we do is we put your dryer on your porch and then you wait for babies to fall out then we move your dryer back. Ok man?”

Not have much choice, I agreed. So now my dryer is on the porch so I look like a total redneck.

So they leave and I start to wash some clothes that I had worn earlier that day. I needed to wash the clothes because me being the klutz I am, I had gotten barbeque sauce on my white capris during the mandatory picnic we had to go to at work…but that’s a whole other story. So I quick open the laundry room door, run in, start the laundry and cautiously peek at the vent. There was something in there that was bigger than a baby bird and it was looking at me. So I run back out, shut the door and go back to the front office. They said that they were going to send the vent company out first thing this morning to vacuum the vent and that for the rest of the evening I was just going to have to deal with it and keep the door shut. Not really a big deal, but there is about an inch and a half crack between the door and the floor. I get a bath towel and cram it between the floor and the door. So I start to decompress and I am reading a book when all of sudden something shoots across my living room and rams into my sliding glass door. I freak and open up my front door and my sliding glass door…and I couldn’t find it. I had no idea where it had gone. So I picked up my cat and set her in the living room and I had her try to figure out where the bird was. Sure enough she goes nuts by the entertainment center and the bird flies up and hits the side of the sliding glass door that wasn’t open. So the bird is still hopping in my living room. The cat went over to pounce on it, the bird finally gets where its supposed to go and flies out my door. So now I am totally freaked out again and I stuff 2 towels underneath the door. The 4th baby finally fell down the vent and I got that out of my apartment too because the chirping was really getting to me by this point. So finally by 9:30 I think I am done with birds, I have 2 towels stuffed underneath the door and I am trying to decompress.

Then there is a really loud knock on my door. I open it a crack and some random guy said, “Yo man is there a guy in there that can help me lift some heavy stuff?” To which I replied, “nope there isn’t.” and then quickly shut and locked the door. I’m not stupid, I’ve seen Silence of the Lambs.

So that was my random night. I hope I don’t have another one of those for awhile.

That is all.

2007-07-07T18:29:00.000-06:00

So I am a huge nerd...like big time huge nerd! The 5th Harry Potter movie comes out this week and I am so stoked! Also, the conclusion of the series in book form comes out towards the end of the month...which is when I will be traveling so I should have time to read it. So in honor of the big month of Harry Potter I read all 6 books again (so I remember what happened) and I took this little Harry Potter quiz online to see which kid I am most like...and I was not surprised by the results.
Which HP Kid Are You?

The reason that I am not surprised was because my friend Tim about 4 years ago got me hooked on the Harry Potter series because he said that I was Hermione Granger (right down to the out of control hair). After reading the 1st book, I definitely was Hermione in my younger years...probably still am. Moving on...

In other news, on the 4th my friends and I decided that we should go hiking. And we did...and it was fun...but we sort of, um, kind of, got off the trail. We were never LOST...we just weren't on the trail. One of our numbers kind of freaked so we had to turn around and go home. I think that if the other 2 of us had stayed out there we could have figured out where we went wrong...but we didn't. So the fact that I couldn't follow the trail was really annoying me. I had talked to one of my coworkers and he said to hike it the opposite direction and we shouldn't get lost. So I wanted to go this Saturday and figure it out...but no one wanted to go with me. So I went alone because its a well traveled trail and I figured I would be fine. And I was. So don't worry. However, I get about .75 miles in and I heard something on the side of the trail. (At this point I am in woods, like trees all around can't see where I am woods.) So I stopped and I see all these little quail babies jump from the ground onto a nearby fallen log. I figure that must have been what the noise was so I continue forward. Then all of a sudden this mother of all quails flies out of the brush and puffs up at me like she's gonna kick my ass. I stomped my feet at her and she moved up the trail...and I followed just because I wanted to get further up the trail. She peeled off the trail after a few yards and I continued on my journey. I finally break into a clearing with a fantastic view of the canyon when I realize that my next task is walking over a ton of rocks. (Rocks=rattlesnakes). So I listened real carefully and ran across the rocks way fast. So I finally reach the summit area and took some pics and continued on the trail. At this point I am almost 2 miles into the trail and I have roughly 2 miles to go. So I start down on the other side of the summit (towards the area where my friends and I went off the trail) when I hear something screeching. I look up and its a red squirrel in a tree and he is PISSED! I mean beyond belief he wants me dead PISSED!!! So he is in the tree screeching at me, and I stomp my feet at him. Well this didn't help anything he just starts coming down the tree at me. So I yelled at him to knock it off (don't know what I thought that would do) and he starts to run back up the tree a little then decides he's not a pansy and starts coming at me again. This time I blew a raspberry at him...(yes I know...mature...yes I know to a squirrel) and he is still screeching and he is now coming to get me. At this point I decide that he is clearly a rabid attack squirrel from hell so I beat feet and get out of there (picture Johnny Depp running in Pirates...I'm sure that's what I looked like.) So it took me an hour to walk 2 miles in and 20 minutes to run 2 miles out. I'm not even kidding. Granted the 2 miles in was mostly uphill...but still. So I definitely prefer hiking with friends.

I get to head to the east coast in a few short weeks. I can't believe it's July already! I have been at my job for over 10 months!!!

That is all!!

2007-06-25T12:29:00.001-06:00

Busy weekend!

Saturday a few friends and I decided that it would be a fantastic idea to hike Antelope Island. We also decided that it would be a fantastic idea to start at 8am. That turned out to be a very good idea, because at noon when we had finished our decent…it was close to 95 degrees. I haven’t gone hiking in awhile, and I must say, I had a great time. At least I found some people that like to hike, and I have a new hobby in this state! I wish that Amanda and her friends could have joined us, because they could have been pointing out different rocks that I used to see in earth science class…but can’t remember the names of. However, Amanda was in the process of finishing something that I would consider hell! Her and a group of friends ran from Logan to Park City…which is really far and all in the mountains! Congrats to them!!!

Not much else to report. I had a friend that was driving across country that stopped to spend 2 nights. There was much visiting and not a whole lot of productivity this weekend!

A few days ago a guy got in a high speed chase with an RV up in Ogden. That’s right, he hopped in his RV and led police on a high speed chase. Then he crashed into a house while trying to make a turn. Why was he in a high speed chase? Because he stole a dog. That’s right he stole a dog…and then proceeded to drive in an RV on a high speed chase. Yay rednecksville.

It’s going to be a busy week!

That is all.

2007-06-19T07:37:00.000-06:00

A big thank you to everyone!

Thank you all for making my birthday so awesome. I received many emails, IMs, my space comments and facebook comments and they all brightened my day. I would list you each individually by name…but then I might forget someone and I would feel really bad about that. But I am going to make a few personalized shout-outs.

First and foremost, my parents: They sent me one of the best care packages, complete with homegrown beef. Of course the card and the presents were nice too!

My Utah friends: I thought that being out in Utah meant that my birthday was going to suck! But my friends out here made sure that wasn’t the case…from a couple of them showing up with a Spiderman bag with my gift inside, to the cake at the pool party to the club…I had a great time!! I could not ask for better friends out here.

A certain friend that sent me 1 cent stamps: It’s nice to see that someone reads my blog! The chocolate was also nice!

All the funny cards (final countdown!), gift cards and flowers I received. My birthday was truly awesome! Hopefully I am going to remember to make a list of awesome people and treat you all the same on your birthdays.

Thanks again, everyone!

That is all!

2007-06-15T13:54:00.000-06:00

Going Corporate

About 2 weeks ago I subscribed to Google’s Ad sense on my blog. This meant that Google would put ads on my blog that pertained to what I was writing about and I would make a small bit of money. However, after 2 weeks my yield has been $.60. And the ads they put on there? Let’s see there was one for mormon underwear, mormon cell phone rings and mormon weddings. I didn’t expect to make a ton of money, but a dollar a week would have made it worth it. I’m going to keep the ads up for 2 more weeks, if my yield doesn’t go up drastically…I’m pulling the ads. Because honestly readers, I care too much about you to have you emotionally scarred by mormon underwear.

That is all.

2007-06-13T15:14:00.000-06:00

So the past 2 days have been really busy, and it’s been kind of nice. Last weekend I was really busy with socializing, so I didn’t have time to update. So let’s see…Friday night I went out with the girls! It was nice to just have a girls’ night, since I spend so much of the rest of my week around guys. We started out at a friend’s house eating food and drinking (of course not me…because I had a sneaking suspicion that I was going to have to drive this girl’s car home.) Then someone decided that we should go to a club. So we did. It was much like a club in the rest of the country, but the drinks were weak, which didn’t matter to me because I drove. So yeah, I danced like the sober idiot I am, with many guys, into the wee hours of the morning. It was a ton of fun and reminded me a little of college days, when I would be the DD to the formal and dance like the sober idiot I am. Saturday night I hung out at a different friends’ house and we got Pita Pit at midnight! It was almost like being back in college. Except that we had to drive to the Pita Pit, instead of stumbling down to Marshall Street.

Monday was busy all day long. I had a meeting with the top civilian on base for a newcomer orientation. I know…newcomer orientation after I have already been on base for 9 months. Welcome to the federal government. Anyways, so he comes in and is shaking everyone’s hand…yadda, yadda. And he asks the first guy what his name is and what he does…yadda yadda. Then he looks at me and says, “You must be Shannon.” This isn’t as impressive as it sounds…because I was the only girl in the room. Then he said, “I see you went to the Maxwell School.” So then he proceeded to tell me that he went there for 2 months a few years ago and did the National Security Studies course. He said it was such a great time and a beautiful part of the country and the program was prestigious…and that was my excitement for the day. The rest of the day was spent in meetings…blah. The 4-H horse show went well. Then there was the mad dash to get to the gym to work out and watch Big Love.

Yesterday was busy as well, which is good…I like being busy at work. I can’t really mention too many details, but the job is going ok. My friends definitely make the job.

Today bureaucracy got the best of me. I have been trying to work a piece of paper through the bureaucracy and I received a phone call this morning that basically told me that all my efforts for the past 3 months have been for naught. I almost threw my phone across the cube. Then I realized I was at work and I should refrain from such things. Sometimes I think the bureaucratic system tries so hard to be efficient that they make themselves less efficient. Back to square 1. Blah. So I went to print some stuff off to fix this problem, but the powers that be have decided that you can’t print in color unless you are a supervisor. I know…it’s ridiculous. Anyways, so here I am fighting with software that wants to print to a printer that I don’t have access to. So a job that should have taken me 5 minutes, proceeded to take me an hour!!

Ok, so my rant. The United States Postal Service. On May 30th, I needed more stamps, but rather than stand in line at a counter during my lunch break, I decided to order them online. This method is endorsed by the USPS but I think they endorse it just so they can make the extra dollar on shipping. Anyways, so May 30th I order stamps. They are in my box by June 1st or 2nd. No big deal. So Monday, I open my mailbox and I am shocked to find my car payment in my box with +.02 written on it. I was confused, so I go to the USPS website and realize that on MAY 14th, the rate of a stamp went up to $.41. If the price was $.41 for a stamp, why 2 weeks after the rate increase did the USPS mail me $.39 stamps???? So now I have to go to the post office anyways and buy a bunch of $.02. Awesome.

If you didn’t watch The Daily Show last night, you’re wrong. There was a pretty funny piece by Samantha Bee asking if America is ready for a Mormon president. I thought it was well done. I can’t access Comedy Central from work anymore, but I am pretty sure you can find the clip on their website.

Hump day's almost over!

That is all.

2007-06-06T16:05:00.000-06:00

Here’s your sign…

So I am reading the news from everyone’s favorite owned mormon rag, and I learn that a man got stuck up in a canyon in Provo last night. Here’s the article…

Last night's storm caught a hiker in American Fork unaware, trapping him on a mountain in nothing but shorts and a T-shirt.
The hiker is 42 years old and from Provo. He was hiking yesterday with his wife and kids on Summit Trail. He chose to go off on a trail alone.
He is alive but stuck in a gully. The man has endured rain, snow, 40-degree temperatures and the wind chill. Rescue crews say the hiker was not prepared for any of it.
Sgt. Tom Hodgson of the Utah County Sheriff's Office says, "He is wearing a pair of tennis shoes, a pair of shorts, cotton T-shirt and light blue jacket. He didn't have any food or water. He is certainly not prepared to spend the night. He's still in good spirits."
Search and rescue crews shined a spotlight on the mountain and they got a response from the man. They've actually talked with him. They've hollered back and forth with him down into that gully where he's stuck right now.
He's told them he's not hurt, but he may have hypothermia. Since it's snowing, crews will not be able fly and send a helicopter to get to him. They'll have to rappel down 150 feet.
Hodgson says, "This is a tough rescue. Very candidly it's a tough rescue. We have the ability and talent to do it. The guys on the mountain have the skills to pull this off, but that being said, we need to make sure they're safe."
One search team member has already been taken to the hospital with hypothermia.

First of all…you all can look at my post from yesterday. This weather did not just happen. They have been predicting this cold weather for almost a week now. So either he doesn’t own a tv or a radio, or he is too busy trusting in the faith of god, joseph smith, moroni and all the rest to shield him from bad weather that he couldn’t be bothered by a weather forecast from a mere mortal.

Second of all, who leaves their family on a trail? Honestly!

Third, who hikes in tennis shoes and brings no clothes, food, extra water etc. with them? I know when I hike its in good hiking boots and with plenty of supplies…should I get stuck somewhere.

Fourth, how do you just get stuck in a gully? Were you not paying attention to where you were walking?

To me this man is just stupid. In true Darwinian fashion we should let this goober fend for himself until the weather is better suited for a proper rescue. But no, we can’t let him do that…so we are going to send someone down in the gully to save his sorry butt, so he can then come out and continue to procreate, thereby passing on his stupid genes. Awesome.

In other news, not a whole lot going on in my neck of the woods. It has been raining buckets ALL DAY! Seriously ALL DAY…in a desert. No good will come of this…and now instead of people complaining on the news that we don’t have enough rain, they’ll start complaining about the flooding. It’s also pretty cold out here right now too…this might be my chance to catch up on the Harry Potter movies before the 5th one comes out!!

That is all.

2007-06-05T09:26:00.000-06:00

So today is our no email day. They never said anything about no blogs. So here we are.

You know what makes for a really bad day…you’re lying in critical condition in a hospital and then plane that was supposed to deliver your organs crashes. I imagine that would be the worst day ever!

Hey Utah… the word is WASH…not warsh, as in I’m warshing my clothes…no there is no R. I just happened to notice that the other day in some locals and just thought I’d comment.

Does anyone else in America call a movie a show? For example, “I watched Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid the other day, that is a great show.” I know that personally where I come from we would say that it was a great movie. A show to us is what you watch once a week. For example, I love The Office, that is such a great show! Again, just some more of my commentary on the lingo of the locals.

I truly know now that I am indeed in the 5th circle of Mormon hell…and how do I know that…because it has been hotter than Hades up in this joint. 90 some odd degrees and it’s only May. I know that tolerate heat much better than cold…but this is just ridiculous. It also felt pretty humid yesterday…and I know it’s pathetic when humid is 25% humidity…because that’s what it was the other day and it felt stifling.

So I saw a pretty creative vanity plate the other day. I need to preface it with this…the man was driving a white ford bronco…I can only assume it was the correct year model…and the vanity plate said NOWAYOJ. I thought it was funny.

There is a sewer plant south of Salt Lake that is going to try turning raw sewage back into water. *Note to self, don’t drink the water…for more than one reason now.*

There was a gianormous gay pride parade in SLC this past weekend. I have no problem with that...but what I can’t comprehend is how the most republican conservative state in the country with a center of a church that hates gays…can have such a huge rally? At least this one was bigger than the Death to Israel rally held last summer.

As if I needed another reason to not vote for Mitt Romney, I pulled this article from KSL.com ( the good Mormon’s news station)….

It's not a belief that's endorsed by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and yet some people believe that if Mitt Romney is elected president, he's destined to do a great thing.
There's growing talk Mitt Romney could be the one to fulfill a so-called prophecy and save the U.S. Constitution. Mormon myth claims Joseph Smith prophesied that in the last days the constitution would hang by a thread and a Mormon on a metaphorical white horse would ride in to save it.
The LDS Church in the past has discounted this "White Horse Prophecy," saying it is not doctrine. Romney told the Salt Lake Tribune he doesn't believe it, either.

Yeah, I bet you don’t believe it Romney…you’re just being humble…like every good Mormon should be…you know that if you got elected you would show up at the inauguration on a white horse.

Here’s my political endorsement…Don’t vote Romney in 08. Ok, done.

In other news: Heelys. I hate them. Every undisciplined urchin out here has them…if they are cool…which so many of them strive to be…so that like they can totally be the awesomest Mormon around. Anyways. There is a new study out that kids should be wearing helmets, knee pads and wrist guards. Awesome…so when that urchin in the mall plows into me…I can then sue his parents for damage to my gut caused by his helmet. Moving on…

Hey KSL…stop trying to use smart words. Here’s another article I pulled off of KSL.com…

Cedar City Cracks Down on Truant Pooches
June 4th, 2007 @ 6:28am
CEDAR CITY, Utah (AP) -- Cedar City officials are trying to crack down on dogs running loose and causing nuisances -- some have even killed livestock.
The city recently passed new ordinances that include higher fines for owners if their dogs are found running free.
Recently two loose dogs attacked a family's pet goats, killing one of them.
The new Iron County ordinance states that dogs allowed to run at large may be destroyed by the sheriff's office.
It also says the owner could be charged with a misdemeanor punishable by up to six months in jail and a fine of up to $300. Vicious dogs-at-large may incur higher fines, and their owners would be required to pay restitution for damaged property.
The dogs that attacked the goats were taken to an animal shelter. They were returned to their owners who were cited with hefty fines.

When I first read this story I thought hmm truant…that sounds like someone who doesn’t come to school. So then I looked it up on Webster.com. Here’s the official definition according to Webster.com… truant- one who shirks duty; especially : one who stays out of school without permission. To me that sounds like the opposite of what these dogs are doing. If they were truant they would be laying under a porch somewhere…but a dogs duty is to attack things and that’s what they are doing. Honestly, story writers stop reading the book of mormon and please make sure you are using words that are appropriate for your story…don’t try to sound smart...the same people that read your story on ksl.com are the same ones that are able to vote party line with one touch of a button…I don’t think they will be impressed by smart verbage.

It’s supposed to be 90 here today…that is supposed to feel like July 27th…tomorrow it will be 50 and feel like April 4th. Awesome.

I can’t think of anything else to post right now…but twice in one week is definitely a record for me!

That is all!

2007-06-01T08:17:00.000-06:00

Only in Utah!!!

So I have not updated in quite awhile, and I am going to use this post to point out some of the ridiculousness of the state in which I now reside.

First, local news. There is a local news station that every morning asks a trivia question. Only in Utah would this station ask a question about a local sports team and no one knows the answer. Example: How long has the Jazz losing streak against the Spurs been standing? If you were in any other state with a professional sports team…SOMEONE would have called in the answer. I use my Boston friends as examples…they can probably recall every losing streak, winning streak and just random facts from the Sox, the Celts, the Bruins AND the Pats. Utants only have to remember the Jazz stats! Not that hard. Of course maybe they didn’t want to win the prize that morning which was (I kid you not) a CD entitled “Love Songs of the 70s by Donny Osmond.” I can’t make this stuff up folks! This same station then had a trivia question this morning that asked, “What is your favorite color?” Of course this sent me into fit of giggles because all I could think of is that old SNL Jeopardy skit with Darrell Hammond and Will Ferrell, where Will plays Alex and Darrell plays Sean Connery. Come on, you know you all were thinking it! Do they think Utants are still half asleep that early in the morning…or just simply retarded? I supposed either is a strong possibility.

Local commercials. There is a commercial on TV right now for Menlove, which is a car dealer. If the name alone wasn’t hysterical enough…they are running this commercial right now where this white trash mormon chick with 18 kids wants to buy a new car. Of course she can’t because her credit sucks and she is trying to pay for her 18 urchins. But praise Jesus and Moroni and Joseph Smith and all the rest, Menlove helped her get her new car. That isn’t the funny part…the funny part is and I quote, “We was in our new car by the end of the day.” Well heck and dang Billy Jean Bobby Sue, whatever your redneck name is…I’m durn happy that them there auto guys done put you up in a branded spankin new car. Honestly people, if you are going to put real people in your commercials, please make sure that they use the correct tense…so that I do not want to gauge my ears out of my head before I even get to work. Moving on…

Religion: I recently learned that if you are married in the Mormon temple…and every good Mormon yearns for that opportunity…you are sealed to your spouse. The idea behind that is that you are then married for ALL ETERNITY (see earlier post for Brandon’s reaction to that). Ok, so basically all this means is that you and your spouse better have gotten it right the first time, because y’all are having sex in heaven too…it doesn’t end with death do us part. Ok, so most of you probably think that’s fair and sounds like a decent idea…it kind of makes sense to me as well. However, if y’all didn’t get it right the first time and you get a divorce…that’s just a civil split. The church does not undo the sealing. Ok, so Billy Bob and Bobby Sue get married, they are sealed in the temple FOR ALL ETERNITY. Billy Bob beats Bobby Sue…Bobby Sue leaves…divorce follows. The state of Utah recognizes them as divorced…the Mormon church, does not. Ok, whatever right? Well if Billy Bob then starts seeing Sally Jo and decides to marry her…he can do so in the Mormon temple and be sealed to her as well. Hmm…so now he is sealed to 2 people!!! Hmm…so then Bobby Sue decides she is going to remarry to Joe. She cannot be sealed in the temple. Are yall following this logic? A man can be sealed to 2 women (or more) that he will see in the afterlife and have marital relations with and all that…but a woman can only be sealed to one man. (The sealing process can be broken…but it basically takes an act of God…no pun intended.) Have you made the logical connection yet? Mainstream, everyday Mormons believe that there is polygamy in the afterlife!!!!!!! But here on earth…no no, we don’t condone that process, polygamy doesn’t happen, hasn’t happened since some Joe Blow Prophet had that awesome revelation, yeah ok…gigs up. Oh yeah and please explain to me why then is it that I clearly saw my first polygamist family in the SL airport? Hypocrisy makes my head hurt!!!

No email days: Our wing commander decided that it would be a fantastical idea that we have no email on June 5th. Therefore, I will not be in contact with anyone via work email on June 5th. If you want to know what I think of this…ask me offline. I wouldn’t want to risk losing my job.

Which brings me to my first cheer of the day, Dooce.com! This chick is a blogger that lives in SL and is, and I quote, “a recovering Mormon.” Meaning that she attended BYU and all that crap and then went into the real world had her eyes opened and no longer has the blinders on like all the rest of Mormonland. She also lost her job because of her blogging habit (apparently blogging about bad things at work is bad.) So I will no longer mention names and berate coworkers on my blog. Well maybe I will still refer to certain individuals as goobers, because they are…but whatever. I have learned from others mistakes and I have found hope that perhaps in this state, I can find some like minded individuals.

Golfing: I have been out once this season. It was a ton of fun. 2 guys, a girl and a golf course. That was my day. It was awesome. I remember why I don’t golf with young men, but they are fun all the same. I plan to be hitting the links as much as possible this summer...which brings me to my next point.

So there is this guy at work who has told my friend via email that he might possibly be interested in me. Welcome to 5th grade…I know. Anyways, so he emails me the other day…obviously trying to hint at the fact that he might possibly like me or want to go on a date or something…but let’s face it folks, he’s a male engineer. SO we all know that means he will never have the chutzpah to actually go about the asking out…but whatever. So in the email he asks, “So did your boyfriend get you into golfing?” Let’s just say that statement did not go over too well with me. Welcome to the state where the men are the breadwinners and the women are the breadbakers. Can’t I freaking go golfing because I actually WANT to do it for MYSELF, not because some schmuck with a penis got me into it (Note: I am not calling my exs schmucks…just trying to make a point)!!! Heck, flip, dang and all sorts of other Mormon curse words! Who does he think he is? Did my boyfriend get me into it??? I had a boyfriend that didn’t even KNOW I golfed until after we had been apart for 3 years and I had been golfing for 3 years before I even met him! So needless to say that is one of the many reasons he will not get a date from me. End of discussion.

I think I am going riding this weekend with Amanda and Eammon. This makes me very happy, as I enjoy riding a ton and it’s free…and the horses aren’t nuts…see previous posts for details on crazy horses. I went riding with them a few weeks ago, and I must say I was intimidated…I was riding a 7 year old, not very broke horse. However, she was pretty awesome and I am looking forward to the challenge again.

I just realized that I really need to start updating when I see something funny. Which should be at least once a week! I’m making a resolution to attempt to do that. We’ll see how it goes.

That is all!

2007-04-19T20:29:00.000-06:00

So I suppose I should update this thing.

I am back in the 5th circle of Mormon hell. Ohio was a great time. I made some really cool friends out there. There was also much pick up basketball, volleyball and ultimate frisbee. Plus, I managed to graduate from the class...always a good thing.

We had some awesome weather when I first came back from Ohio. It was sunny and in the 70s and I got a sunburn...a small price to pay. Now its 35 and snowed yesterday. Boo.

I get to go home in a few weeks...so that's exciting.

I have decided that I need to get a set of golf clubs out here! I need to take out some aggression at a driving range!! And also I am very disappointed that more people don't golf out here. When I was in college lots of people I knew golfed...now the only people I know who golf are upper management. Blah. So it looks like I am hitting the links alone this summer. I have never golfed alone...maybe I will enjoy it.

I don't think there is anything else going on right now. I had my first appraisal with my boss that I never see. For him never seeing what I do...I was pretty pleased with the appraisal. A little over 4 more months until promotion time!!

5 day work weeks are not so much fun!

That is all.

2007-03-19T16:33:00.000-06:00

Random Fun

So this past weekend I did the skeleton!!!! For those of you that want to see the track I tackled go to www.bobsleigh.com. Then click on the sports, click on tracks, click on Park City. That's the stats of the track. I started at turn 6. I was very nervous to try it, but I knew that I needed to try...just to see if I would like it. My best time was 47.84 seconds. 47.84 seconds to get from turn 6 to the finish line. Calculated out that is about 53 miles an hour, plus 3-4 G forces pushing down on me, plus my chin inches off the ice. The first time was kind of bad. The one thing the major coached me not to do was have chicken elbows, I had chicken elbows. He also coached us not to pick our shoulders up off the sled. Let me tell you, when you are getting thrown into a corner at a couple Gs your shoulders have a mind of their own. As a result I ricocheted down the track the first time...much like a pinball. It kind of hurt and I was really shook up. My time was 51.56 But, I had to go again. I knew I could go faster and do less ricocheting. The second time was much better much better, I didn't ricochet nearly as much, I was less nervous and I shaved off almost 4 seconds!!! Needless to say....I'm addicted. It was such a rush!! I think I am crazy enough to do it again. Plus its a sport I could really excel at, the running distance is short...and if my asthma kicked in the adrenaline from rocketing down a hill would take care of the breathing problem. I was on the adrenaline high all night...well until about midnight....then I crashed...hard, but I couldn't go to bed because I was packing until 2 am. Which leads to my next random bout of fun.

I am currently in Ohio for 3 weeks for an Air Force training course. All in all, not a bad deal. Except that it is way warmer in Utah than it is in Ohio right now. But, I am away from the craziness of Utah...so that's nice. I already found my way to the important places...target, coffee and ice cream. The class itself should be ok...but we have homework. Booo to that. Although a kind lieutenant who shall not be named has helped me prep for the course. I also don't have internet in my hotel room...which makes me wonder what on earth I did before internet. While I was sitting in class I got asked where in New York I was from. When I said a little town north of Syracuse, the lieutenant informed me that he was from Liverpool. What are the chances a girl from Central Square, educated at Syracuse and stationed at Hill AFB, UT would meet a lieutenant from Liverpool, educated at RPI and stationed at Eglin AFB, FL in Ohio? Random I tell you. But I have met some cool people to have lunch with. Of course per usual its me, the female civilian, surrounded by male lieutenants. (Of course I am 1 of 2 civilians and 1 of 5 girls.)

I am going home this weekend, so that should be nice. It's going to be a long drive...but I think that will be therapeutic. I like driving long distances a lot. Plus driving is much cheaper than flying...and it is just a little longer, timewise.

I think that's all there is to update.

I like the skeleton a lot!

That is all!

2007-03-09T12:52:00.000-07:00

This rant is going to have absolutely nothing to do with my day to day activities, just an event that occurred this week at work.

Ethics:

According to Webster’s dictionary ethics is defined as “the discipline dealing with what is good and bad and with moral duty and obligation.” It has many different historical derivatives, but more or else it is the difference between right and wrong.

It has been the case of many firms’ downfalls (Enron and WorldCom) and even some in the government side (AF acquisition executive Darleen Druyan). So why do I care about it?

Well this past week I had to go to a contractor/government meeting about “the way ahead for the missile world while the US is fighting the GWOT/Iraq and any other fight Bush decides to start.” Clearly, Iraq is draining a ton of money from the services. Because of this the missile system is getting drained of money because we are no longer in an arms race with the Soviets. So there is this touchy feely movement in my area to figure out how to keep morale up while we are getting stripped of funding. During this meeting we had to pair up with the person next to us and quasi-interview them. So I am sitting next to a Boeing contractor, and I introduced myself. He seems rather young…mid-late twenties. He asked what I did on the government side and I explained that I was a Palace Acquire Intern and that I just moved to Utah…the whole spiel. He then informs me that someone wanted him to be a Palace/Acquire but why would he want to do that and make less money than he was making at Boeing. He then went on to say that if he got laid off at Boeing, he could just jump to the government side as a GS-12 and not have to deal with the lower pay. I was of course, a little offended. You don’t work for the government for the money, you do it for the cushy hours. Oh wait…no that’s not it…you do it because you want to make a difference in the lives of everyday civilians, even if the civilians that you are serving, never know that you do that job. So I am already miffed, but I bit my tongue and we continued talking…because I had to talk to him for 20 minutes. Then someone in my chain-of-command is brought up. I am not going to mention names, that would be unprofessional of me, but this person is a civilian…and as you will discern from the following remarks is clearly a male. Anyways, so this person is brought up and the scum contractor to my left said, “Oh he’s the greatest guy ever!!” Not my first thought of course…but I digress. The guy continues, “He was the head of my church when I went on my mission and he released me for my mission when I came back.” Now I know that you all know what I think of the Mormon faith, and Utah mormons specifically, and this is not the purpose of this rant…so I’m just going to let it go for the time being. So, I probably rolled my eyes, but I kept listening. He unfortunately kept talking. He then said, “that’s how I got my job here at Boeing. When I decided I didn’t want to work for the government, he knew some people over here…pulled some strings and here I am.” That’s the part that just drove the stake in my heart. I think my mouth hung open for a moment. Not more than 3 years ago the AF was in trouble for this sort of thing. Darleen Druyan is not a nice person. She’s not. I know people that have briefed her. She’s not nice. I’m pretty sure she has no heart. But anyways, she apparently loved Boeing. She loved Boeing so much that when she knew her time in the government was up, she was negotiating contracts with them and oh low and behold…they had a job for her when she left the government. Boeing executives pleaded guilty to insider information, conflict of interest and she went to jail for having no ethics. Boeing employees now despise her because they have to attend ethics training on a regular basis. (Side note: I think this is a complete waste of time…either you have ethics or you don’t…you either know right from wrong…or you don’t…end of story.)

So here I am listening to a contractor tell me about our own little ethics violation. Of course you would think that church going people…especially Mormons who are so holier than thou….you heathen with your cup of coffee…would have ethics. So needless, to say I left that meeting very very bitter at my own leadership.

So I come back to the office. I sit in my chair…and one of my coworkers informs the coworker that I have mentioned before in many previous blogs, that he should be nice to me because I am going places. “We’re all going to work for her someday.” (I’m not sure where this came from or why it was brought up in my presence…but there it is.) To which my not so likeable counterpart says, “Oh really? You going to move back to the east coast with her.” To which guy 1 says, “No, she’s going to be working with the president, telling us what to do.” My not so likeable cubemate then says, “Yeah, she can be the next Darleen Druyan.” I don’t think any other person could have pissed me off more that day. I was so offended. Because everyone around here knows what she did and what a horrible person she was. For him to even suggest that made me want to kick him…hard…somewhere vulnerable.

So I being the good nonviolent employee that I am, I got up and went a found my program manager. I told him what had happened in the meeting…I omitted the part in the cube. And his eyes just snapped and he said “Don’t you ever let them bring you down. You just keep doing what you’re doing and keep your integrity. It’s not always easy, but you can still sleep at night. You’re doing something good. Don’t let their lack of integrity influence you.” It was a decent peptalk…but I still felt dirty.

Which is why I had to blog about it. I’m not naïve enough to think that this whole contractor getting a job thing is an isolated incident. I’m sure this happens quite frequently. And why that person ever felt the need to divulge that to me, I’ll never know. But I just lost a lot of faith in the system today. I know, welcome to the real world. But that’s not how the real world should be! And this Mormon mafia (clearly not as legitimate as the Maxwell mafia) that I thought existed…does indeed exist. And that makes me very bitter. Oh yeah and one guy who I can’t say I had an overwhelming amount of respect for, just lost what little I had left for him. Now every time he talks, I’m going to think he is a joke.

That is all.

2007-03-09T10:44:00.001-07:00

So I have a little bit to update on, so I am going to put it into two separate updates. This one will be about recent events. The next one will be a rant/pondering entry. Last week I went to Florida. The first thing I noticed when I got off the plane was the humidity. It was like I could taste the air….evidence that I am drying up in Utah. The Florida trip was productive and it was nice to get a break from the freezing temperature of Utah and escape to 70s for a little while.

Last weekend was busy. Friday night I went to the Officers Club, which I didn’t think I would be allowed in, but no one cared. It was more of a “real world” bar atmosphere…complete with real alcohol. The only thing not real about it was all the military folk dressed in BDUs. There were like 5 people total in civilian dress. It was a good time though.

Saturday I went to this Japanese steakhouse with a bunch of friends. More or less the same crew that I had hung out with the night before. Afterwards we went and chilled at a friend’s house. All in all a good time.

This week flew by, even though I had to work a 5 day work week. It’s been awhile since I have had to do that because I don’t consider going on business trips as really working…I mean they are…but you get to go somewhere cooler than a warehouse turned office building.

It has been hotter than Hades up in my building recently. That’s because it is finally starting to get nice outside! Yay! It’s supposed to be 66 by Tuesday. This of course makes the building unbearable because the AF in their infinite wisdom doesn’t shut the heat off until a certain date.

And unlike ski season, which I couldn’t have cared less about…I am totally looking forward to golf season!!!

Next Sunday I leave for my 3 week engagement at Wright-Patterson. Whoo Dayton, OH! It’s a training course though…so I have to do it!

I don’t really think there is much else to update.

That is all.

2007-02-24T23:17:00.000-07:00

6 Long Months!

Today marks the 6 month anniversary of my move to Utah. I was talking to a coworker about it this week...and she said to me, "it's going to be really sad when you leave." This got me thinking about how slow/fast the past 6 months have gone.

6 months ago this very minute I am pretty sure I was walking through Wally-World trying to find sheets so I had something to put on my new air mattress to sleep on. How much so many things have changed in 6 months. I have learned a lot about myself and others, community and belonging and my relationships with others. If I had it to do all over again, would I do it? I'm not sure, but since I can't do it over, I'm not going to waste time thinking about that.

The past 6 months have gone by really fast...I feel like I just got here. I also feel like I have been here forever. This means that I have 2.5 years left. Not sure how I feel about that. Of course if a position were presented to me somewhere else sooner, I would take it in a heartbeat.
I'm looking forward to summer. I can't wait to take some of my free time and go lay out in the sun. It will be the first time I have had that freedom since I was probably 12.

Last week I got to fly an F-35 simulator. The F-35 is the new fighter jet that they are coming out with. It of course has the latest and greatest technology, most of which I don't understand. I wish I hadn't been born with less than perfect eyes...I probably would have made a decent pilot. It was definitely way cool presentation to go to. One of the perks of my job I suppose.

Since it's getting late I think I am done reflecting.

That is all.

2007-02-23T11:22:00.000-07:00

So I totally just had another “Office” moment. Dwight sits in my cube. If none of you have seen The Office…you’re wrong. But this time instead of looking at the camera…my cube mate and I exchanged glances. If you want details…email or IM me.

So I ended up not going home last weekend. I was totally bummed out and my weekend consisted mostly of sleeping, working out and grilling on my balcony. I have however, rebooked my ticket and I am glad that I did. Getting stuck in JFK would really have not been much fun.

Nothing else really new going on. Next week I go to Clearwater with work again for a few days and get out of this snowy weather! We got dumped on again…and by dumped on I mean like 3 inches…but still the roads were kind of bad. It took me 15 minutes to get to work today instead of the usual 8.

By the way, I am sick of hearing about Anna Nicole Smith and Britney Spears, one is already dead and the other is headed that way…let it go!

That is all!

2007-02-15T23:47:00.000-07:00

This is too long for an away message but too messed up to not tell. I hate:
1. my life
2. my luck
3. Mormons
4. This state
5. Jet Blue
6. JFK
7. NYC
8. Snow

A glimpse into my day:

3:00 I find out at the office that my flight is cancelled from SLC to JFK

3:15 I peace out of work to come home and figure out what the hell to do

4:00 After 25 minutes on hold I get some schmuck making $6.15 an hour and he tells me that they can give a full refund or book me for the same flight the next day...thereby reducing my trip by a WHOLE day and no happy hour

4:30 I try to find a cheap one way with another airline (because all other airlines BUT Jet Blue...the Mormon airline i might add...are running on schedule). There is no cheap flight to be found

5:00 I get put on hold for another 25 minutes. I finally talk to a human and find out that I can rebook for a later date with no penalities. This makes me happy because it means that I can fly home for my cousin's wedding for free. What they then tell me is that it has to be between now and May 22nd. Damn...no one I know is getting married in May.

5:45-9:00 I watch the Office (amazing show), contemplate whether I want to fly home for Friday-Monday or book a flight for May, and drink a little drinky drink to take the edge off.

9:00- My friendly neighborhood Jet Blue representative calls and tells me that my flight has been reinstated and that I can call 1800-JetBlueBLOWS if I want to confirm, but that all I need to do to make this flight is to show up at the airport. I quickly sober up, pack up and peace out.

10:15- still driving hoping that I can make the 11:25

10:30- I arrive at the Jet Blue counter. A chipper guy tells me that he is sorry, he does not know why Jet Blue is calling people, but yes the flight is still cancelled. I look at him in disbelief, jaw drops and I just stare at him. He is all chipper and informs me that I am still a go for tomorrow night. I turn around with my 100 lb suitcase and walk away. I contemplate taking someone's life...good thing for me I do not carry a gun. I then realize there is a TSA representative walking next to me and I should probably not be thinking aloud.

10:35- Parking people pick me up at the terminal. I look real happy to see them...but I try to hide it because it isn't their fault.

10:45- I drive to the checkout window of the parking place. The woman there looks at my ticket in disbelief, the register rings up $.96. I then inform her that yes, I have been here for 20 minutes because some airline is run by morons...mormons...oops morons....damn those words are so similar. She feels bad for me and does not make me pay the $.96.

10:50- I am hysterical...I don't know whether to laugh, cry or swear....so I do all 3. I flip off the Desert Mills grainery as I pass and curse these sonsabitches.

11:00- I arrive home...I am ripshit pissed, tired and stone cold sober. I then consider drinking myself into a silly oblivion and passing out. I am upset and depressed. I wonder how I will last the next 2.5 years out here. I end up drinking water and going to bed.

The question is do I fly home tomorrow or wait until a later date??

2007-02-13T09:28:00.000-07:00

So, not really too much to update. I went to Anaheim last week for another conference. Traveling is probably one of the best parts of my job, especially when it is to exotic locations like Anaheim. On Wednesday we got out of our meeting early and we drove to Huntington, Newport and Laguna Beaches. It was definitely an interesting experience and now I can say that I have cut across the country diagonally, having touched the Atlantic in Bar Harbor Maine and the Pacific at Newport. I'll try to add pictures tonight if I remember.

The weather here has been exceptionally warm. Well maybe not exceptionally warm for Utah…but compared to what I am used to at this time of year. It’s been between 40 and 50 everyday the past week…of course much colder at night…but nice weather nonetheless. We have had a few days of rain that caused some flooding because Utah isn’t used to getting rain…but nothing like I am used to in NY. This nice weather has made me think that it is lacrosse road trip season and has made me sad that I will not be driving to the DC/VA/MD area this year. To curb this wanderlust I think I will plan some spring/summer road trips to various locations in the west…such as Oregon, California and Montana. I think that if I don’t I might go stir crazy in Utah, since living with this culture has gotten harder and not easier.

Recent news in Utah…some crazy shot up a mall in Salt Lake City. This is especially shocking out here, because the people are too naïve to think that these sorts of things could happen in their Mormon safe haven. Well, welcome to America. No place is immune.
Mitt Romney announced his candidacy for president. I laughed. I laughed because this country has no idea what I live with on a daily basis…and they now will. The Mormon mudslinging has already started. This was taken from a CNN article from this morning. [Romney is a member of the Utah-based Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, commonly known as the Mormon Church, which is viewed by some conservative evangelicals as a non-Christian, cult-like organization. "I think there will be attacks on Romney that will be launched by third-party groups about his religion," said David Magelby, a political science professor at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, a Mormon institution where Romney received a bachelor's degree in 1971. "I think that's almost a certainty."]
So, Romney is a BYU grad huh? Guess we better get ready for the first, second and third ladies. Of course I realize that the mainstream LDS frowns on polygamy…however, there was a raid on a polygamist community in the 50s and the governor that conducted the raid didn’t get reelected because of public outcry against the raid. Hmmm. Interesting. According to the BBC there is also a case going to the Supreme Court to make polygamy legal. I guarantee if that happened some prophet would have a revelation that everyone would need 4 wives again. Guess how much longer I would stay in Utah if that happened…yup about 3 minutes. And conservative evangelicals calling LDSers cult-like…isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black? Regardless, it should bring up interesting discussions.
The other ironic twist…Romney’s candidacy announcement was overshadowed by the crazy Utah gunman. One headline a day Utah…that’s all you are allowed.

In other news, I really dislike the local news here. There’s a blonde chick reporter that exemplifies every stereotype that this culture has for women. She’s dumb and shouldn’t be allowed out of the kitchen. Actually, she probably shouldn’t even be allowed to cook in the kitchen because she would probably start a fire. Sorry, just an angsty rant. If you watched the news out here, you wouldn’t like her either.

I am heading back to the Cuse this weekend. I am excited to finally be attending a game in the Dome and seeing all my friends and family, however I don’t want to deal with the cold and snow; especially the 8 feet that my parents have at their house. Ugh. Although I can’t complain too much because I think I am going to manage another trip to Clearwater, Fl before the month is done. So basically, I go to NY for 4 days, fly back to Utah and then a week later fly to Florida. Yup, traveling is definitely the best part of my job.

That is all.

2007-01-26T11:32:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know…I haven’t updated in awhile. (And after a friendly reminder from a friend…I realized I should probably start updating again.) But I haven’t had anything really nice to say. And if you can’t say something nice… Well I take that back. Some of what I say in this is probably not nice. Let’s just say I haven’t had too much exciting to update on. But perhaps it should be my New Year’s resolution to keep people updated. However, don’t hold your breath…cause it probably won’t happen.

Christmas came and went. It was so nice to be home and I forgot how much I missed the east coast (actually no I didn’t…I am reminded everyday with these stupid Utah drivers). I had a layover at Newark and the first thing I saw when I got off the plane was a Dunkin Donuts. It’s a sad day when Dunkin Donuts makes you excited. That’s how lame bagels and coffee are out here. I definitely am moving closer to home when I get the chance. At least the same time zone.

Brandon visited. I went skiing for the first time ever! I was really scared but I didn’t break anything…so it’s all good. That is one of the few things that Utah does have going for it…awesome skiing and really pretty mountains. I think by next year I will look into getting a season pass and some skiis so I have something to do on the weekends.

The weather here has been chilly for Utah. Everyone is griping about how cold it is. It was single digits for about a week in January and now we are up in the 20s. Well let me clarify that…I live in a desert climate. So it can be 29 during the day but 5 at night. We are getting close to setting some records for the cold. It’s not like Syracuse cold though…so that’s good. We also have had very little snow. I can only think of like 2 days that were bad to drive in all winter. That seems pretty good to me. And after we get a storm the next day is sunny…so it melts a good bit of what we just got. Of course then it goes down to way freezing at night, and that creates black ice, which isn’t good. But I don’t live in an area that has to worry about black ice that much. The really annoying thing is that we have this thing called an inversion. At least that’s what the meteorologists here call it. Anywhere else in America it would be called Smog. It’s gross pollution that forms this thick brown air that hangs over the Wasatch front. Why does the pollution form? Well because snow falls on the ground…snow is cold. The air above it was just warmed by the sun…therefore its warm. So you get this thick brown fog. Well if the snow is cold and the air is warm but the warmness can’t melt the snow…how do you ever get rid of the smog? Well, you hope that a nice storm will come through and blow the smog to Colorado. We have had this problem for DAYS now. And it doesn’t look like it is going to go away anytime soon. The nice part about it though is that it doesn’t affect traffic visibility like a real fog or snow would. So you can still drive fine…you just can’t run outside or burn your wood furnace or anything like that.

On another note: Apparently Layton, UT is the 41st best place to live in America. I feel like there was some definite Mormon bias on the committee for that one.

If anyone watches The Office…I had my own little Office moment this past week. I wish there was a camera I could have looked into.

I am thinking about volunteering with the 4-H kids out here. There’s lots of horses…they have to have a good horse program. At the very least I know that they have horse bowl…so maybe I could help out with that.

I am finishing up this update at work because it’s a Friday and on Fridays we never get any real work done because half the employees are gone. That’s because of that whole every other Friday off thing that we have. I almost would rather stay for 10 hours during the day and have a day off every week. It would be more efficient at least. Anyways, someone brought their kid to work today. If I wanted Romper Room, I would work at a day care. Thankyouverymuch. I know…I will feel different when I’m a parent…but I don’t think so. This is supposed to be a professional environment. Maybe my standards are too high.

I could write a whole log venting about my coworker…but I’ll refrain. If you all want to read it, you can email me.

The good news is that I get to go to Anaheim at the beginning of February for a conference. Then a few more weeks and then I get to go home again.

News Flash: I have been residing in Utah for 5 months now, almost to the day. Wow.

That is all.